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8/5/2018 c1 1MEvalyne
What happens next?! I'd love to see a continuation. There is a beautiful descriptiveness to your writing.
3/23/2016 c1 2Jon Keeling
I enjoy your choice in descriptions. It is not an easy task to write a piece about darkness and keep the descriptions fresh as you have to repeatedly refer to tenebrous elements. Nicely done.

This may be me knit-picking, but maybe you should capitalise the name of the princess. The Princess of Light or the princess of Light. Because they are proper nouns - a title.

Another instance would be The Citadel of Dawn. To us dawn is a concept or an abstract noun, but in this reality it is a realm or world in itself.

A nice contrast in the end. Well-written battle scene with great pace.

Keep it up.
3/17/2016 c1 1Racoon
The ominous imagery really draws me into the story so you're off to a great start. Here's a list of immediate impressions that may or may not align with your purpose. I offer them as my personal reactions as I read through.

-The narrator describing the snow flurry kiss: the abrupt second-person POV acts as an aside that disturbs the flow of ominous tone.

-There is an unexplained time/place jump from the dark room to the forest surrounding the citadel that caused me to stop reading to wonder how that happened? The voice magically sent him there, perhaps?

-The narrator seems a little boastful of his capabilities. Unless this is your intention, I would like to see his considerable capabilities shown to me instead of told to me.

Great start, looking forward to the rest. The only fantasy I liked was RA Salvatore's Drizzt Do'Urden and this story reminds me of that.
3/17/2016 c1 4SForces
Interesting story thus far. However there is a saying that works very well in this scenario. You have to crawl before you can run.

The story has opened up and we don't know much, which isn't a bad thing necessarily. It is in this one however. The summary of your story is that a failed assassination attempt changes everything. That's a huge plot point that you have reached less than 1,000 words into your story. There doesn't seem to be a setting in this story.

You mentioned a war. Is this a war between just the demons and the elves? Or is it a world war with dwarves, humans, gnomes and the biggest threats are the demons and the elves? What is the credibility of this demon? Is he in the military? or is he just a paid hitman?

Is there something special about him that he alone can take on a princess and her elite guards by himself? Or was she escorted by a bunch of squires with no military training? Interesting story but I think you need to build up the setting a little bit more before immediately throwing the reader into a battle with multiple body counts.

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