for The Germantle Chronicles8/16/2020 c2 
38Starart152
This is a nice chapter that explain how April is more sensible to scent than more normal human. She could recognize the scent of human meat while other's wouldn't. She is also a powerful warrior with her sheer intimidation.
As for Jinsing, there is little to know about her as she was raised by a bandit and nothing more. As for her father, I have no idea if he would be back one day or not.
38Starart152This is a nice chapter that explain how April is more sensible to scent than more normal human. She could recognize the scent of human meat while other's wouldn't. She is also a powerful warrior with her sheer intimidation.
As for Jinsing, there is little to know about her as she was raised by a bandit and nothing more. As for her father, I have no idea if he would be back one day or not.
8/15/2020 c1 Starart152
This is a nice prologue that introduce us to the main character and her motivation in the story. I feel like it will start up as a revenge story and will evolve into something else, from what I read at the summary of this story.
It is nicely done and I like the detail you give to April actions and how the creatures react to her depending on how they perceived her.
This is a nice prologue that introduce us to the main character and her motivation in the story. I feel like it will start up as a revenge story and will evolve into something else, from what I read at the summary of this story.
It is nicely done and I like the detail you give to April actions and how the creatures react to her depending on how they perceived her.
8/11/2020 c3 6Darth Zannacross
Got some monster hunting today eh? Bone Golem's clearly can't cut it against April...maybe the Titanium Golem might be a different story but we will get to that point when we get there.
Seems Gila is not just a disposable baddie after all, we will see how long this alliance lasts though, till then hope your staying safe and keep up the good work Cinder.
6Darth ZannacrossGot some monster hunting today eh? Bone Golem's clearly can't cut it against April...maybe the Titanium Golem might be a different story but we will get to that point when we get there.
Seems Gila is not just a disposable baddie after all, we will see how long this alliance lasts though, till then hope your staying safe and keep up the good work Cinder.
8/10/2020 c2 Darth Zannacross
Hey there Cinder, saw you updated this so lets see how the wandering is going.
Well since the passage of time Apirl is intense enough to make the mooks scatter like rats, and Jinsing has a new lease on life...though we will see how long it lasts depending on how the next chapter goes.
Should be fun to find out.
Hey there Cinder, saw you updated this so lets see how the wandering is going.
Well since the passage of time Apirl is intense enough to make the mooks scatter like rats, and Jinsing has a new lease on life...though we will see how long it lasts depending on how the next chapter goes.
Should be fun to find out.
5/31/2016 c1 9Fox Trot 9
Interesting first chapter or prologue... I'm not sure which... At this point, I can't really grasp much of her character past the first impression of tragic/badass chick that can swim... April kinda reminds me of a female Kevin Costner from the Waterworld movie, with the underwater hunt of the shark...
Based purely on first impressions, I feel that the mercenaries who destroyed her village 10 years before would get their just deserts as a possible lead into a bigger adventure... And the heavy armor and sword bears some impressions with the Theseus myth, in which a young Theseus can meet his father once he's strong enough to move a giant boulder to get the swords...
Aside from these, the old man seems to be something of a mentor as well as a herald... He chose her for something, though I'm not sure what yet... I have the feeling that April will meet the old man again... Also, you've painted fairly vivid even graphic scenes, as well as a very memorable setting of her cave that she has lived in for 10 years... These are fairly vivid scenes that could be used later on in the story to give unity to the story... April doesn't have to physically return to the cave, but she can always refer or remember the cave at certain points of her adventure, since the cave has proven so important to her upbringing...
Another thing I find interesting is the use of POV with April and the eel, when she was in the sea collecting those urchins... I haven't really seen that before... POV is very important when starting off a story... If this story is told in 3rd person limited POV, stick to what the character can sense and observe per chapter or scene and make sure POV character is made obvious in the story... If it's told in 3rd person omniscient (which is what I got with the eel and April's POV during the hunt), then know that 3rd person omniscient isn't head-hopping... 3rd person omniscient POV is really just ONE POV with god-like powers of observation and narration...
Remember, these are merely observations and suggestions... Hope this helps...
9Fox Trot 9Interesting first chapter or prologue... I'm not sure which... At this point, I can't really grasp much of her character past the first impression of tragic/badass chick that can swim... April kinda reminds me of a female Kevin Costner from the Waterworld movie, with the underwater hunt of the shark...
Based purely on first impressions, I feel that the mercenaries who destroyed her village 10 years before would get their just deserts as a possible lead into a bigger adventure... And the heavy armor and sword bears some impressions with the Theseus myth, in which a young Theseus can meet his father once he's strong enough to move a giant boulder to get the swords...
Aside from these, the old man seems to be something of a mentor as well as a herald... He chose her for something, though I'm not sure what yet... I have the feeling that April will meet the old man again... Also, you've painted fairly vivid even graphic scenes, as well as a very memorable setting of her cave that she has lived in for 10 years... These are fairly vivid scenes that could be used later on in the story to give unity to the story... April doesn't have to physically return to the cave, but she can always refer or remember the cave at certain points of her adventure, since the cave has proven so important to her upbringing...
Another thing I find interesting is the use of POV with April and the eel, when she was in the sea collecting those urchins... I haven't really seen that before... POV is very important when starting off a story... If this story is told in 3rd person limited POV, stick to what the character can sense and observe per chapter or scene and make sure POV character is made obvious in the story... If it's told in 3rd person omniscient (which is what I got with the eel and April's POV during the hunt), then know that 3rd person omniscient isn't head-hopping... 3rd person omniscient POV is really just ONE POV with god-like powers of observation and narration...
Remember, these are merely observations and suggestions... Hope this helps...
5/20/2016 c1 6Darth Zannacross
Not much but for now, seems like this will be a story about true Justice, groovy.
Well, not to much to get a grasp of so far but its clear this is not a pleasant world, hell, it almost reminds me of worlds like the Berserk show, April has many, possibilities.
Nice watery adventure, guess we will see where it goes from here, till then keep up the good work Cinder.
6Darth ZannacrossNot much but for now, seems like this will be a story about true Justice, groovy.
Well, not to much to get a grasp of so far but its clear this is not a pleasant world, hell, it almost reminds me of worlds like the Berserk show, April has many, possibilities.
Nice watery adventure, guess we will see where it goes from here, till then keep up the good work Cinder.