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1/11/2023 c1 knockmeoffmyfeet
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3/8/2022 c4 marrybeth
Have you tried to post in other platforms? I am so interested in your work. My name is Marry a talent scout for a fast-growing platform. May I know how to reach you professionally?
2/1/2017 c1 1LillithSnow
I have to say I really enjoyed reading this, its well writing and nothing seems out of place, I could really get into reading it. I will say that being new to the steam punkish genre its a little jarring suddenly start reading about these new races with little explaination, but that that might just be me. Anyway great chapter, honestly loved it
11/6/2016 c3 33CheddarBrat789
Similar to how you're not much of a romance person (I honestly wasn't either until I decided to challenge myself by writing one), I'm not too into sci-fi, but I could still appreciate this story's good writing. The narration gave off a very dangerous and suspenseful tone, and I liked the set-up for the plot, as well as the very unique setting. As far as complaints are concerned, I don't really have any. Keep up the good work!
11/4/2016 c1 shika-paprika
Not bad. It's well-written for the most part, the dialogue was great, but I can't say the same for the narration. Even though you do a good job of describing, it felt a little bland at some parts. I'm not usually a big fan of space-y, steampunk stories, but this is good.
7/18/2016 c1 1echogirlcapri
I don't really have time for a proper review, but I love the line "actually, were smugglers" instead of pirated XD XD XD The sass!

Anyway it was a nice read and hope o can get back to you for a longer Roadhouse review :)

6/23/2016 c3 1Chenna13
Ok, so you're really showing a skill for storytelling here. Thrummin's recounting of his history with the Empire is very nicely delivered, and creating more questions than answers. I see that the POV change from Galland to Seroni was definitely necessary for these chapters, because Galland seems to have a lot of secrets, and discovering them along with Seroni is way more fun than being in Galland's head and knowing all the answers already.

I will say that in the dialogue portion of this chapter the characters say each other's names a lot, enough to be a distraction. Almost every time Galland speaks to Seroni in the later half of the chapter, he says her name, and in spoken conversation, that would be awkward. "Relax, Seroni."... "Seroni, come on..." "You're just being paranoid, Seroni."..."We don't have the time to waste here, Seroni."...It gets repetitive, so you might want to find some places to leave her name out.

Excited to keep reading!
6/23/2016 c2 Chenna13
Moving onto the second chapter, I think I'm starting to get a better hang on the terminology. A lot of things I felt were missing in the first chapter show up with really great skill here in the second. Opening with a description of Seroni was nice, giving me a cleared image of what is sure to be a pretty important character. I like the idea of her making her own goggles, because it shows how invested she is in this aviatrix life. I also like the mystery of the tattoos, which give us a peak into a not-so-great history? Curious to know more about this. Jaq also seems really interesting. I think Galland may be getting upstaged by all of the supporting characters. There's not much more description of him in this chapter, but I don't mind, but I am curious to know what a Sylph is, and if the captain is a sylph, why he needs to hide it.

Your description of the Hab-deck helped me a lot! I can now picture what this sort of world would look like, a world built around airships. I'm getting a clearer image, and it makes it easier to sort of melt into your story. I like the little elements of history we get to, like the destruction of the first skyport. It adds depth to this world you've created.

Reading on! I'm excited to know what this compass is, and why it's so important to the lobsterbacks :)
6/23/2016 c1 Chenna13
Hi there! Here from the Roadhouse to review!

So I really enjoyed this first chapter. Stories that start off with action are always interesting. It's never difficult to get sucked in when we start out with gun fights and smugglers and chases. I will say that the gun fight might have happened a little two suddenly? One moment our Captain is buying a compass and in the the next the gun fight happens. We aren't really eased into it, and it's a little jarring.

A lot of information is being given to us in this first chapter as well, and as someone who is not necessarily familiar with the terminology used in this sort of genre (hab-deck, habourmaster, Neoviking) I found it a little difficult to picture this world you've created. This has very little to do with your writing and more to do with my ignorance, but I do think it would help if certain things were described a little more, to create a better picture. Like what does it smell like in the Market, what does the Habitation deck look like as the Captain and his first mate are sprinting through it, are their feet hitting pavement or metal grating? What does the Hyperion look like? Is it rusted and stained with gun powder, is it barely holding together, or is it this great ship?

Your characters sound interesting. It's only the first chapter, but I enjoy the relationship between Galland and Seroni. The Captain / First Mate dynamic and the way they speak and react to each other seems really natural, and I like that. We can tell that Galland is not going to be our stereotypical good-guy hero, which I also like. I'm excited to get to know the other characters in your novel, and to learn more about this world and this compass. Well done!
6/22/2016 c3 2R.M.Spencer
Another great chapter. The delivery of Thummim's story was really well done. It was informative without sounding overly expository. The description of the device inside the compass and the device that played it was also well done. Even though it is something I have obviously never seen before I could picture it clearly.

The characterization of Seroni continues to develop nicely in this chapter. The intial confusion of whether her anxiety was due to not having a weapon or that they were being followed was a nice touch. I also liked her vertigo at the end. Even badasses have weaknesses.

Once again, the pacing was handled very well. There is a nice balance of action, description and narrative. When a book has too many action scenes I tend to get bored and start skipping them. It seems that you understand the concept of action when it supports the plot, not just action for action's sake.
6/20/2016 c2 4SForces
Good story so far. Better descriptions would make this flow better. I thought it was just because it was the first chapter. However I just learned halfway through this chapter that these people are not traditional pirates. Could be just me.

When I was reading the first chapter, and this chapter I was thinking they were in an ocean port, with a wooden ship, possibly metal. When the chase scene in the first chapter ensued I thought they were in the water and fired rockets up at the ship. You used pirate terms I could put together with pirates back in the 1400s.

In this chapter you continued using terms like current which makes me think of the ocean current. Then when you used the term skyport I was a little confused before it finally clicked that they are in the sky. The picture I get with the skyport in general is very hazy. You describe alleys as well. Does this mean the sky port is floating and there are concrete roads that have some how defied physics and are floating?

Or are they held up by a giant mountain and it's called a sky port just because you need an airship in order to reach it. On that note we do not even know what their airship looks like.
6/20/2016 c1 SForces
Interesting start to the story, has a bit of potential here. It does leave the reader with a bit of wonder. He sacrificed many of his crew, and his ship getting blown up just to refuse to give up a compass that seemed ordinary to him.

His motives are highly questionable and it makes the reader wonder what he has to hide that he doesn't want to risk getting arrested over handing a compass over to the British Navy.
6/16/2016 c1 19Ckh
This is like space wars not in space, could had sworn it was space for a moment but nevermind.

You really have good knowledgr of sci fi don't you? From the ship to the characters, they geniunely seem very sci fi, especially Galland, who seems like a laidbacked type of guy that can potentially give a speech if he wants to.

The introuduction of the compass leads me to believe that they are finding some sort of lost technology, and is a bit remmisciscent of the fantasy genre.

What will the crew find? Will there be any other strange additions to the crew? For now, this seems very opened ended, which leaves room for speculation.

Overall, solid piece with solid writing to enhance it. Great job.

-From the Roadhouse/The Reviewing Crusade
6/15/2016 c3 1Richard S. O'Day
I really enjoyed the POV switch of the last two chapters. Giving another perspective on the events that unfolded really helps put the both Galland and Seroni's actions into perspective. Seroni also noticed things and thought about things much differently then Galland did, showing us how different the characters are from one another.
I enjoy how loyal Seroni is to Galland and how much she idolizes the man. This helps shows us that their relationship is a one that goes back years and that they become close.
The plot is starting to unfold nicely and the plucky crew of the Hyperion now has a clear-cut goal that they will try to accomplish.

Great stuff!
6/12/2016 c2 2R.M.Spencer
Really well written, I am loving the POV switch to Seroni. It is much more introspective than your first chapter, and moves more slowly, which I think that is a good thing. You have a good sense for pacing, which you illustrate here and it also really aids in your character development.

I am really begining to understand Seroni. She is a quiet, intense person. I love her nods in response and her relish of the quiet. Even her picking out a crate that she has made "her spot" remains consistent with who she is as a character.

I am writing this as I read and what I said above remains true throughout the chapter. Very well done. Like I said, I like the switch to a slower pace, but then the end makes you feel like you are propelling forward again even though really nothing happened.

Small thing- there are several places where there is no space between an italicized word and the word following it.

Amazing job.
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