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for Smuggler's Wings

6/11/2016 c1 1MatthewGillUCEF
That is a truly brilliant piece! I love it, you simultaneously establish Galland and Seroni, the setting, introduce the crew and the airship and all whilst throwing the reader into the middle of it with an action packed beginning! Very well done indeed and you even managed to inject some humor in as well.
I also like the way we are partly inside Galland's mind, following his thought processes, it gives the story a more personal feel like you are there with him rather than just observing.
Also I'm quite pleased you avoided the stereotype where the main character shoots dead all his pursuers with a pistol without blinking, although that's just a personal gripe I have with other stuff!
Overall a very good piece indeed, I can't really find any fault with it!

6/10/2016 c1 kumamon
Greetings from the Roadhouse!

Hi! I kinda liked how you began the story, and went straight for action. It's a good way to keep us readers on our toes. Galland sounds like someone who'd stop at nothing to acquire what he wants. Like the compass, for example. It does sound rather beautiful. At first, I thought Galland was a captain of an army unit, which made me think it was rather out of place for him to be in a black market. Then it hit me - he's a pirate! It took me a while too. I am ashamed.

Though, I'm still curious as to what 'Fos' means. This chapter's pacing was done nicely, we got to the mystery before the chapter ended. Galland sounds like he would fit the jerk with a heart of gold archetype. He seemed to not care about his other crewmates, but a few lines later it's revealed that wasn't the case; he had faith that they would crew with other ships and not be wanted by the Navy. Aww. How sweet!

I look forward to the next chapter. Happy writing!
6/10/2016 c1 1RedRobot
Hey from Roadhouse!

First, loving the concept. Your story has mass effect/star wars (han solo?) mish mash kind of feel and I'm digging it! At first, I wanted to see why Galland cared about a stupid trinket he bought randomly so much that he wouldn't just surrender it, but after reading the last sentence I figure he's a curiosity killed the cat type? Also I think I would have liked to see a bit more character introspection or a little background on the enemies they were running from, so that I could get a better feel for what's at stake. Aside from that, loving it so far!
6/9/2016 c1 2R.M.Spencer
The pacing of the story is great. I like that you get things going right off the bat. The characters and the plot are clearly established and the direction is clear.

I love the use of detail. Be careful not to get too carried away. "The redhead", "ginger girl", may be too much. That said, for the most part it was really well done. I really liked the detail of the barrel of salt.

One major thing stood out to me. With the Imperial troops and the Empire I couldn't stop thinking Star Wars and I think others will have trouble getting past that as well.

Also, maybe I just missed something but I am having a hard time imagining the ships. They have skyports, which makes me think space ship, but they have masts and rigging which makes me think sea ship. Are they sailing ships in space? And if so, how are people able to be outside on them? Adding one sentence somewhere might help clear that up.

Overall, really well done. Excellent first chapter with strong writing and a strong storyline.
6/9/2016 c1 1Richard S. O'Day
Very interesting stuff. I especially like the universe you have established, sort of a steampunk-esque world. This piece reminds of several other works of fiction I enjoy, such as Firefly, Pirates of the Caribbean and Guns of Icarus. So you could say that I'm already a big fan of your story.
The pacing, establishment of setting, character building, diction, and action scenes are all very good.
Overall, I very much enjoyed this and look forward to more adventure from these characters.
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