for Firsts are Hard to Give Away8/19/2016 c1 
8LorrahBear
I really really liked this. You managed to convey so much emotion and imagery in those first three segments. My only suggestion (which you should take with many grains of salt - I don't write poetry for a reason and that reason is me) would be to remove the contraction from the last line. Personally, I feel like it adds a sudden looseness and uncaring-ness to what is so powerful and full.
Great job!
8LorrahBearI really really liked this. You managed to convey so much emotion and imagery in those first three segments. My only suggestion (which you should take with many grains of salt - I don't write poetry for a reason and that reason is me) would be to remove the contraction from the last line. Personally, I feel like it adds a sudden looseness and uncaring-ness to what is so powerful and full.
Great job!
6/14/2016 c1 2R.M.Spencer
I really love the imagery here. Its got an edge to it that removes the usual "first time" gooey factor. I think the third stanza is my favorite. Although I think it should say "was their skin" as the rest of the poem is in past tense.
It think there is a missing word or punctuation in the fourth stanza. "then immediacy as they..." or "then immediacy. They gasped..."
The language is so crisp you may want to cosider cutting "like this".
I am also not a huge fan of parenthesis. The end may be sharper if you punctuate "words." and then "Like they were the truth", still as a separate line.
Those are all little things though and are of course, completely up to you. Overall this was great.
2R.M.SpencerI really love the imagery here. Its got an edge to it that removes the usual "first time" gooey factor. I think the third stanza is my favorite. Although I think it should say "was their skin" as the rest of the poem is in past tense.
It think there is a missing word or punctuation in the fourth stanza. "then immediacy as they..." or "then immediacy. They gasped..."
The language is so crisp you may want to cosider cutting "like this".
I am also not a huge fan of parenthesis. The end may be sharper if you punctuate "words." and then "Like they were the truth", still as a separate line.
Those are all little things though and are of course, completely up to you. Overall this was great.