for Monster Samurai: The Lost Horn3/18 c1 AriaFitz
Your story "Monster Samurai: The Lost Horn" has the makings of something legendary a world waiting to be explored, characters aching to be seen, and a plot begging to unfold in stunning visuals!
As a commission artist with experience bringing stories to life through dynamic, eye-catching comics. Whether it’s action-packed battles, heartwarming moments, or thrilling adventures, I can transform your words into a masterpiece.
Let’s create something unforgettable!
DM me on Discord: f4coso4005 or ask for my socials to see my work.
Your story "Monster Samurai: The Lost Horn" has the makings of something legendary a world waiting to be explored, characters aching to be seen, and a plot begging to unfold in stunning visuals!
As a commission artist with experience bringing stories to life through dynamic, eye-catching comics. Whether it’s action-packed battles, heartwarming moments, or thrilling adventures, I can transform your words into a masterpiece.
Let’s create something unforgettable!
DM me on Discord: f4coso4005 or ask for my socials to see my work.
10/8/2019 c3 
11Madcinder
You know, considering the apparent size of the village, I really wonder that it even warrants a mayor. That's a bit more paperwork than I think they have time for here. Also, definitely need to run through this checking spelling and grammar. It's far from unreadable, but it badly needs work.
I like the design concept for the minor demons, and Isa's cheeky remark about them being deaf. Rewording the description would be a benefit, though, as it's a bit clunky.
All in all, this chapter is somewhat simple and a little predictable. The action is quite hard to follow, and while the demons are described in a way that does describe something appropriately scary, it doesn't feel scary, which would definitely help to put some weight onto the use of the word 'demon'. Different wording could accomplish this.
Now, the basic outline here, traveling from the village to the city, encountering demons along the way, and then finding the city under siege by demons, is solid. But you really need to iron out the grammar and spelling problems so that you can further explore the basic plot to the chapter in order to give it more weight. As it is, the demons don't actually seem very threatening. You've set up Isa pretty well as a sort of tricky mysterious character, and the combat dynamic between Nekon and Ryuki has a lot of promise, but playing those out effectively relies mainly on the grammar used.
11MadcinderYou know, considering the apparent size of the village, I really wonder that it even warrants a mayor. That's a bit more paperwork than I think they have time for here. Also, definitely need to run through this checking spelling and grammar. It's far from unreadable, but it badly needs work.
I like the design concept for the minor demons, and Isa's cheeky remark about them being deaf. Rewording the description would be a benefit, though, as it's a bit clunky.
All in all, this chapter is somewhat simple and a little predictable. The action is quite hard to follow, and while the demons are described in a way that does describe something appropriately scary, it doesn't feel scary, which would definitely help to put some weight onto the use of the word 'demon'. Different wording could accomplish this.
Now, the basic outline here, traveling from the village to the city, encountering demons along the way, and then finding the city under siege by demons, is solid. But you really need to iron out the grammar and spelling problems so that you can further explore the basic plot to the chapter in order to give it more weight. As it is, the demons don't actually seem very threatening. You've set up Isa pretty well as a sort of tricky mysterious character, and the combat dynamic between Nekon and Ryuki has a lot of promise, but playing those out effectively relies mainly on the grammar used.
8/16/2019 c2 Madcinder
'emitted no comment' is one of the single most awkward phrases I've seen in quite a long time. Consider rewording more simply. It screams a bit too much of someone who learned a new word and was desperate to use it. You do not want to admit to having just learned the wort 'emitted'.
Maybe I misunderstood him in the first chapter, but it seems like Woran's attitude towards them changed drastically between the end of the first chapter and the beginning of this one. He sounded welcoming and rather friendly before, and now he sounds suspicious. I suppose it could work if he's just going through a procedure to get it out of the way though. It seems kind of like that's the case, but I'm not sure.
I have to wonder about Woran. Is this his job? Cause he's not great at it. I mean, not the worst, but if he's the best they have for this job, they need help. Really he feels like a stock character right now, which makes me question the focus that's been put on him. Also, going to the city is, as Nekon says, not something Woran should be doing. It's absolutely not something Woran's father should have done either, given the situation. Probably a job Woran's father should have sent Woran to do in his stead.
I'd advise a run through looking for grammar and spelling errors, as there were quite a few more than in the previous chapter. As for actual story elements, there's a fair sense of adventure growing in the story, which is good. Rather simple setup but it works well. There's some drama, but it feels forced and irrelevant. On the other hand, the mystery aspect of the story feels a lot more natural in this chapter than it did in the previous one.
Woran is not an endearing character at all, but the jury's still out on Ryuki and Isa. There are a few points in this chapter that I actually really liked Nekon, especially one that I'm going to be remembering this story by until something more significant happens.
The red tower being a demon nest actually sounds like a great set piece and I am looking forward to it.
Story highlights so far:
"May I ask why you came here?" She nodded and was about to reply, but he talked again, "Why did you come here?"
Boss move, Nekon.
'emitted no comment' is one of the single most awkward phrases I've seen in quite a long time. Consider rewording more simply. It screams a bit too much of someone who learned a new word and was desperate to use it. You do not want to admit to having just learned the wort 'emitted'.
Maybe I misunderstood him in the first chapter, but it seems like Woran's attitude towards them changed drastically between the end of the first chapter and the beginning of this one. He sounded welcoming and rather friendly before, and now he sounds suspicious. I suppose it could work if he's just going through a procedure to get it out of the way though. It seems kind of like that's the case, but I'm not sure.
I have to wonder about Woran. Is this his job? Cause he's not great at it. I mean, not the worst, but if he's the best they have for this job, they need help. Really he feels like a stock character right now, which makes me question the focus that's been put on him. Also, going to the city is, as Nekon says, not something Woran should be doing. It's absolutely not something Woran's father should have done either, given the situation. Probably a job Woran's father should have sent Woran to do in his stead.
I'd advise a run through looking for grammar and spelling errors, as there were quite a few more than in the previous chapter. As for actual story elements, there's a fair sense of adventure growing in the story, which is good. Rather simple setup but it works well. There's some drama, but it feels forced and irrelevant. On the other hand, the mystery aspect of the story feels a lot more natural in this chapter than it did in the previous one.
Woran is not an endearing character at all, but the jury's still out on Ryuki and Isa. There are a few points in this chapter that I actually really liked Nekon, especially one that I'm going to be remembering this story by until something more significant happens.
The red tower being a demon nest actually sounds like a great set piece and I am looking forward to it.
Story highlights so far:
"May I ask why you came here?" She nodded and was about to reply, but he talked again, "Why did you come here?"
Boss move, Nekon.
8/16/2019 c1 Madcinder
'They'
Being vague for the sake of being vague. Unnecessary. Unless the people of this village have no idea what 'they' are, in which case they should have come up with some kind of name to call them. If they do know who or what 'they' are, even in the slightest sense, they should be saying something more than 'they'. It's wasted dialogue.
'desires to undercover' should clearly be 'desire to uncover'
I have a lot of questions about the leadership setup for a village of beastmen. They appear to be well enough intelligent and sophisticated to have a mayor, at least, but any system where you have a mayor shouldn't be granting any significance to the mayor's son. That makes more sense for, say, a chieftain, but not for a mayor. So it doesn't make much sense that Woran will actually have any significant standing except of his own merit. Mayors are elected democratically, and it's easily plausible, but I'd rather not see this story fall into that mundane-ness.
Spelling and grammar are mostly okay, only a few blips here and there. There's an okay sense of adventure to this, which is good, but other than that the only story qualities in this first chapter are a bit of mystery and drama that solely stem from the unnecessary vague use of 'they'.
'They'
Being vague for the sake of being vague. Unnecessary. Unless the people of this village have no idea what 'they' are, in which case they should have come up with some kind of name to call them. If they do know who or what 'they' are, even in the slightest sense, they should be saying something more than 'they'. It's wasted dialogue.
'desires to undercover' should clearly be 'desire to uncover'
I have a lot of questions about the leadership setup for a village of beastmen. They appear to be well enough intelligent and sophisticated to have a mayor, at least, but any system where you have a mayor shouldn't be granting any significance to the mayor's son. That makes more sense for, say, a chieftain, but not for a mayor. So it doesn't make much sense that Woran will actually have any significant standing except of his own merit. Mayors are elected democratically, and it's easily plausible, but I'd rather not see this story fall into that mundane-ness.
Spelling and grammar are mostly okay, only a few blips here and there. There's an okay sense of adventure to this, which is good, but other than that the only story qualities in this first chapter are a bit of mystery and drama that solely stem from the unnecessary vague use of 'they'.
6/19/2019 c16 19dmasterxd
Bruh, four other demon lords and a Demon King on top of that. And the Demon King already seems very P. , so that’s not good...Welp, Nekon, Ryuki, and Isa sure have got their work cut out for them in the next tome. I’m going to miss Wuff XD. Glad Nekon got a new horn too, he deserves it.
Overall review of the first tome: This was a really nice and enjoyable story. The action scenes were great. They were all very intense and flowed very nicely. As I’ve mentioned a couple of times before I absolutely adore the relationship between Nekon and Ryuki. But you did good with a lot of character interactions as well, that’s just my favorite one. Other ones I liked were Wuff’s and Woran’s, and Nekon’s with Isa.
I also really liked how well you explored Nekon’s past. He also got some really good character development coming terms with his darker side and conflicting feelings about Ryuki and his family. Which all was concluded very nicely when he decided to not return home and instead search for the tears. Showing that he has moved past all that. I’m proud of how far Nekon has come and I can’t wait to see how he further develops for the rest of the series.
19dmasterxdBruh, four other demon lords and a Demon King on top of that. And the Demon King already seems very P. , so that’s not good...Welp, Nekon, Ryuki, and Isa sure have got their work cut out for them in the next tome. I’m going to miss Wuff XD. Glad Nekon got a new horn too, he deserves it.
Overall review of the first tome: This was a really nice and enjoyable story. The action scenes were great. They were all very intense and flowed very nicely. As I’ve mentioned a couple of times before I absolutely adore the relationship between Nekon and Ryuki. But you did good with a lot of character interactions as well, that’s just my favorite one. Other ones I liked were Wuff’s and Woran’s, and Nekon’s with Isa.
I also really liked how well you explored Nekon’s past. He also got some really good character development coming terms with his darker side and conflicting feelings about Ryuki and his family. Which all was concluded very nicely when he decided to not return home and instead search for the tears. Showing that he has moved past all that. I’m proud of how far Nekon has come and I can’t wait to see how he further develops for the rest of the series.
6/19/2019 c15 dmasterxd
Wow, there are five tears? Surprised Nekon decided to go and collect the others instead of going back to his home. That was clearly a very tough decision for him. You did really well showing his thoughts on why he chose what he did as well as portraying how hard it was for him to make that decision.
I’m glad Ryuki gets to stay with Nekon. Gotta have the monster samurai/mini dragon bromance after all.
Wow, there are five tears? Surprised Nekon decided to go and collect the others instead of going back to his home. That was clearly a very tough decision for him. You did really well showing his thoughts on why he chose what he did as well as portraying how hard it was for him to make that decision.
I’m glad Ryuki gets to stay with Nekon. Gotta have the monster samurai/mini dragon bromance after all.
6/19/2019 c14 dmasterxd
I liked that bit about the samurai lore in the beginning. Very neat.
Woo! Nekon did it! Got the Tear, beat the demon lord, and ended the demon infestation. All in a day’s work for our badass samurai protagonist.
Seems like Desh might come back though, with someone who could possibly be even more powerful than him...Yikes. Nekon and Ryuki should be able to handle it though, but I doubt it will be easy.
I liked that bit about the samurai lore in the beginning. Very neat.
Woo! Nekon did it! Got the Tear, beat the demon lord, and ended the demon infestation. All in a day’s work for our badass samurai protagonist.
Seems like Desh might come back though, with someone who could possibly be even more powerful than him...Yikes. Nekon and Ryuki should be able to handle it though, but I doubt it will be easy.
6/19/2019 c13 dmasterxd
Really awesome and intense fight going on in this chapter. I like how much of a struggle it was, Desh is a legit threatening villain for sure.
Can’t wait to see how powerful the storm made Nekon. Very nice chapter.
Really awesome and intense fight going on in this chapter. I like how much of a struggle it was, Desh is a legit threatening villain for sure.
Can’t wait to see how powerful the storm made Nekon. Very nice chapter.
6/17/2019 c12 dmasterxd
Well looks like Ryuki managed to make it. Hope everything works out okay. Dang, Isa is resilient...Too bad Desh abusing the fact Nekon was coming put a dent in some of that resilience.
Time for Nekon vs Desh? Hype! Wonder what Nekon is planning on doing with the storm...
Well looks like Ryuki managed to make it. Hope everything works out okay. Dang, Isa is resilient...Too bad Desh abusing the fact Nekon was coming put a dent in some of that resilience.
Time for Nekon vs Desh? Hype! Wonder what Nekon is planning on doing with the storm...
6/17/2019 c11 dmasterxd
Poor Ryuki is feeling really down. Not to mention Wyff and Woran too. Nekon just seems more angry than anything. I’m worried though, I don’t think he can take down Desh alone. But even if Ryuki does manage to come with him, he’s still really injured, so that might end up coming back to bite them in the back.
I especially loved their interactions this chapter. Ryuki feeling guilt for not being able to protect everyone, and Nekon trying to stop Ryuki from putting himself down. They truly feel like best friends.
Poor Ryuki is feeling really down. Not to mention Wyff and Woran too. Nekon just seems more angry than anything. I’m worried though, I don’t think he can take down Desh alone. But even if Ryuki does manage to come with him, he’s still really injured, so that might end up coming back to bite them in the back.
I especially loved their interactions this chapter. Ryuki feeling guilt for not being able to protect everyone, and Nekon trying to stop Ryuki from putting himself down. They truly feel like best friends.
6/17/2019 c10 dmasterxd
I’m really liking the fight against Desh. But man, he is no joke...Ryuki, Melthas, and Woran all tried their best but still couldn’t take him down. If it wasn’t for Isa, they would all probably have died. It’s not looking good for her though, feel like they’re going to torture her or something. Awesome chapter!
I’m really liking the fight against Desh. But man, he is no joke...Ryuki, Melthas, and Woran all tried their best but still couldn’t take him down. If it wasn’t for Isa, they would all probably have died. It’s not looking good for her though, feel like they’re going to torture her or something. Awesome chapter!
6/16/2019 c9 dmasterxd
Man, Nekon sure has it rough, poor guy. Honestly, I don’t think he should even bother trying to be accepted back into that family, but I understand why he wants to be.
The fight between Nekon and his shadow self was awesome. Glad he was able to win and accept his darker side. Now we just have this demon lord to worry about...
Man, Nekon sure has it rough, poor guy. Honestly, I don’t think he should even bother trying to be accepted back into that family, but I understand why he wants to be.
The fight between Nekon and his shadow self was awesome. Glad he was able to win and accept his darker side. Now we just have this demon lord to worry about...
6/16/2019 c8 dmasterxd
Huh, so this Desh guy/demon knows where the tear is at? I sense something bad coming up soon...
I wonder if the twin gods will play a role later on. I get the vibe that at least the goddess will. Shadow self, huh? Well hopefully Nekon can defeat his inner darkness claim the tear.
Yikes, Desh is a demon lord? Dang, things are getting crazy. Hoping nothing bad happens to Ryuki...
Huh, so this Desh guy/demon knows where the tear is at? I sense something bad coming up soon...
I wonder if the twin gods will play a role later on. I get the vibe that at least the goddess will. Shadow self, huh? Well hopefully Nekon can defeat his inner darkness claim the tear.
Yikes, Desh is a demon lord? Dang, things are getting crazy. Hoping nothing bad happens to Ryuki...
6/16/2019 c7 dmasterxd
So I’ve been binge reading all of this story and wrote my some quick thoughts down somewhere else as I went along so I could keep going without distraction. Which is why I’m just giving you my reviews in quick succession. I don’t want to spam your inbox though, so I’m going to give you my first six reviews (let me know if it’s okay the post the rest all in a row or not).
Now that that’s out of the way onto the actual review:
“That’s why you are the best boss.” Aw Nekon’s and Ryuki’s relationship is just as heartwarming as I remember.
Possibly a city under the island? Interesting. Lol poor Wuff just wanted to give them a history lesson on the lore of the island XD.
Well they got a lead on the location of the tear. But it looks like they might end up having to fight some vampires, we’ll see. Curious what the reason for the island splitting in two was. Very nice chapter!
So I’ve been binge reading all of this story and wrote my some quick thoughts down somewhere else as I went along so I could keep going without distraction. Which is why I’m just giving you my reviews in quick succession. I don’t want to spam your inbox though, so I’m going to give you my first six reviews (let me know if it’s okay the post the rest all in a row or not).
Now that that’s out of the way onto the actual review:
“That’s why you are the best boss.” Aw Nekon’s and Ryuki’s relationship is just as heartwarming as I remember.
Possibly a city under the island? Interesting. Lol poor Wuff just wanted to give them a history lesson on the lore of the island XD.
Well they got a lead on the location of the tear. But it looks like they might end up having to fight some vampires, we’ll see. Curious what the reason for the island splitting in two was. Very nice chapter!
6/5/2019 c16 6Darth Zannacross
And so, good by Spes Island.
Looks like Desh will be back, we will see what kind of come back will happen.
Well the adventure is not over yet, we will see how Ryuki proceeds from here, best of luck getting to the Fortress of the Star Maker.
6Darth ZannacrossAnd so, good by Spes Island.
Looks like Desh will be back, we will see what kind of come back will happen.
Well the adventure is not over yet, we will see how Ryuki proceeds from here, best of luck getting to the Fortress of the Star Maker.