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8/3/2016 c3 90Timbo Slice
So I'm not too sure on the pacing in this story. On one hand it does a good job of pushing the plot along but on the other I feel as if the pacing moves too fast to really nail down the right amount of tension one would expect from this type of story. The stadium scene could've have been a perfect opportunity to kick the prose into high gear with all manner of vividly descriptive action and interactions but it all felt too brief, too lacking in any real meaningful descriptions and really over before it began.

I am starting to get more of an appreciation for the plot though, the scavenging and dangerous human characters reminds me of the Walking Dead in a way, where zombies aren't even the most dangerous things survivors have to deal with and the kindness of strangers means the difference between life and death. Please update soon!
8/2/2016 c2 Timbo Slice
This chapter definitely has some palpable tension clinging to it, and I like the fact that the dangers posed to James aren't just of the undead variety either but more realistic in nature, such as trust amongst fellow survivors and scavenging for supplies. I really liked the news report on the tv about the incident, you play up the tropes of the zombie genre by integrating them organically through the story, where we as the readers know what's going on while the characters continue to live in fear.

I'm curious about the interactions and dynamics between James and the other survivors as well. I think you made a nice plot point of giving James the combination to the gun safe, that way he has some value to the other survivors and is not seen as merely expendable. Luisa seems to be another key point to this chapter as I can see her either bridging the gap between James and the others or at worst...manipulating him.
8/1/2016 c1 Timbo Slice
Hey there, this is definitely an intense opening chapter to start the story off with. First off I liked the characterization of Jimmy and how you handle his demeanor before and after the initial outbreak. You do a good job of conveying his personality through the prose in the beginning, as his witty, almost conversational rant about toilet paper contrast to the bleak reality he now finds himself living in.

I also think you did a good job on the origins of the virus and the first outbreak. Even though I feel as if post apocalyptic stories have been done to death they always seem to start way after the beginning of the end, but your short and vivid inclusion of backstory along with the time hopping narrative really gives this story more intrigue in my eyes.

This was a great first chapter, I look forward to seeing more of it!
8/1/2016 c1 Ignis
This is a very good startup! I like this already. Keep it up man, no complaints how it started out.

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