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for What Happens At Carnegie Mansion

7/1/2017 c3 21WafflesandUnicorn
So...that mansion is really creepy. But I'm intrigued. I'd ask you to update soon, but I know you're busy with other stories, so I'll just wait patiently.
6/24/2017 c2 1lover17
Mysterious and elusive. This is turning into a great story that I hope to read the rest of.
11/10/2016 c1 8LorrahBear
I think a paragraph prior to the status listing of each person would help clear up the confusion of what's going on. Or maybe some normal chat and action (as simple as shuffling papers - not kicking faces (unless you want to throw a face kick in!)) would be beneficial. At first, I thought this was just a character listing that you were delivering to the audience, and considering that this listing is over half your chapter, adding some context would be helpful.

One small thing to point out, punctuation wise. You are correct in your first paragraph by starting out with a quotation mark and not ending with one (because she's still talking in the second, third, fourth, etc, paragraphs), but if a like of chat continues unbroken to the next paragraph as in this case, you start the new paragraph with a quotation mark, even if the previous paragraph didn't end with one.

I'm interested to see where you go from here. :). I don't feel like I have much to cling to at this point, character or story wise, so I'm excited to see where you take this.
8/28/2016 c2 AriaLockheart
The first chapter has me hooked. It's interesting getting to know the characters and the mystery of the invite is really bugging me. I want to know now! Great start.
8/28/2016 c2 21WafflesandUnicorn
Garrett's reaction seems highly inappropriate considering how creepy this mansion is. I'm convinced that most of them are going to die.
8/28/2016 c2 32Vad73
Wow, I am definitely curious as to what happens in Carnegie Mansion! You might want to improve your description, but the story's got me going! Well done, I can't wait for more input! :D
8/20/2016 c1 2J.Cousy
Quick prologue here but I'm always down for horror. Sounds like this is our cast; they seem like they might be a very intriguing lot! Looking forward to reading the first chapter once you have the chance to post it.
8/20/2016 c1 21WafflesandUnicorn
This is horror?! Are you trying to scare me?! I am intrigued by this though, so I shall read it for as long as I can tolerate it.

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