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for Caliburn

3/13/2023 c1 knockmeoffmyfeet
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9/9/2016 c1 AntisocialSimulatedGhostWriter
So, this was a cool opening chapter! I'm interested in the direction this is going, and curious as to how this play out. So, first thing I really liked was the rich description. It made me feel like I was there, in the world, and it was fantastic. The details put in make the story that much better, and especially with the third to last paragraph, where you described Jamie and Ray, the imagery was so clear, I had an exact picture of me hem in my head. Props to you!
Second thing I loved was the cliffhanger. While it does leave me wondering what happens next, it also had a decent explanation. Some stories say someone was watching even though there is no where to watch unnoticed. In this story however, not only does the setting allow for the situation, but you implicitly state how one would observe unobserved, and it's believable, as well as the suspense is, in truly skilled literary style, enough to fill whoever is reading with a sense of foreboding. I'm definitely looking forward to reading the rest.

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