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for Five Nights

1/21/2017 c1 Guest
That first sentence is a masterpiece. An ocean of liquid ice. I'm not entirely sure why, but something about that just unnerves me. Liquid ice. The story starts out in the usual way; a mom and her daughter on a trip, likely in some kind of trouble (this is horror, after all), and then what's-his-face shows up and leaves, and then, at the end, little Ruka seems to see something, and hear something, the others do not. A monster of darkness with scratched-out eyes.

I'm totally looking forward to seeing where this will go. It's interesting, and there's already a hint of danger on the way. The freaking birds flew away when that thing made itself known, but the adults didn't notice. Though I wonder, is Ross aware of her daughter's problem? Or not? I really, really want to know. Update soon!
10/15/2016 c1 13alltheeagles
Plot wise, it started out quite ordinary. Road trip. Troubled mom. Possibly even more troubled kid. Ho-hum... and then you cast the bait, and heyyyyyy I'm hooked.A VERY intriguing first chapter, and I am almost compelled to read on to find out what is it about Ru that's so special. Of course there's the obvious and mundane explanation of today's (sometimes overly sensitive) gender-aware world, but somehow I don't think that's it.

Something else you did very well, I think, is how you inserted the background information so that it felt natural, like a part of her stream of consciousness rambling rather than a deliberate info drop. The mirroring of the forest imagery in the starting and ending paragraphs is a nice touch as well! I'm not a fan of the name Veruca (it's the scientific term for a plantar wart after all) but as long as you stick to Ru I'm okie-dokie I guess. :D
9/18/2016 c1 4Mrs.Bluhm
Great job setting the tone, it left me wanting more.

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