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for Serpent

2/8/2018 c1 97rust phoenix
I love your language and emotion in this piece. The words themselves seem sleek and coiled, flowing with confidence and precision. The concept is also fascinating; there is a lot left unanswered in religious texts, especially since they tend to focus on male protagonists while the female side of the story is left unsaid. A powerful concept and very well executed.
2/3/2018 c1 6scientistsinistral
The imagery in this is absolutely gorgeous. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the woman is Lilith? She's a woman that's always intrigued me, and so seeing this interpretation (because not many people know/write about Lilith) but this definitely reminds me of Kiki Smith's sculpture in The Met.

Regardless, she's an incredibly nuanced and powerful figure and the way that you've managed to capture all of that in so few words is extraordinary.

Thank you so much for writing this.
7/11/2017 c1 3Ietzik
Ooh, very interesting. I like the style too!
7/2/2017 c1 13alltheeagles
Short, but... not sweet, deadly. It conjures up many ideas and thoughts, this piece, none fully formed, but definitely stimulating!
6/22/2017 c1 21Marina x Machina
This is short, but I do like it. It's not an overly complex and confusing concept, and yet it works and does not drag on too long. Well done.
6/21/2017 c1 21RainbowPearls
I honestly liked the way you depicted the connection of that the serpent and the women. You sure had made it gripping with good flow of terminology and lucid account of your maybe one shot.
Nice one.
1/31/2017 c1 2493BNMill
I'll be upfront about something: I don't often read first-person, as I find it a bit disconcerting to read. I also tend to read past-tense instead of present-tense. That aside, I will say one thing: this is an invigorating piece of writing. There's an undertone of abuse, with how Adam will "claim everything is for my own enjoyment," and how the voice of this story goes from compliant to, well, murderous...it's simply lovely.
11/17/2016 c1 4NFlilauthor14
Great job! I love your style of writing. I hope you can continue this... maybe make it into an adventure/horror story?
10/10/2016 c1 5Sapfo
How wonderful, I love the way you write!So alive, I can even feel her anger and stubbornness.
10/6/2016 c1 32sometimes i like 2 write
Wowza. I really like the connection between a snake/serpent and this woman. :) It's really interesting. I also really like your choice of words and how descriptive and... well I guess... symbolic. I like how symbolic you were in this. It's really beautiful and enchanting. Maybe it's the descriptive words or the ending or all the symbolism or comparing, but something about makes it so irresistible to read. :)
9/27/2016 c1 6AngryFerrets
This is an exceedingly rich piece of short fiction. It is dripping with imagery and visualization, a caustic and raging inner fire that is breaking free. You can quite literally feel the repression as well as the chains being shed.

It's dark, powerful, gripping, and exquisitely written.
9/24/2016 c1 70BradytheJust
Sweet goodness!
"Pity, barely hidden behind resentment." Perfect right out of the storytelling gate! :D
The allusions to being a serpent were amazing and I could really see the poison that this relationship has become. "Cut me to the core, leaving an invisible wound"

"His brain is muddled by my venom" Incredible word choice, because sadly most guys/relationships are like this... they hear 'take' not 'give. :(

This entire story is perfection incarnate, and you did a wonderful job, but if I have nightmares about snakes I'm blaming you!
Keep it up my friend! :D

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