for Elemental Warriors (Volume One Rewrite)4/9/2017 c5 
1Tomoyuki Tanaka
Like I said, Toru is awesome. He's like, the most relatable of all the characters. Hmm, I guess the girls are fine too, and Kana is a very sympathetic character. That means all of them are good. I can even sense Haruki's guilt.
But come on, Kori, that joke was too far.
Hmm, I'm not sure what to say, I mean it's a good, informative chapter, and we get introduced to Kori, who looks cool, plus some info on the queen and how the society works. Then we have an assignment for the trio even before they can rest, and I really feel Toru. Sometimes I just want to collapse on the bed and sleep for the rest of the day. No rest for the weary, huh?
Can't wait for the next chapter!
1Tomoyuki TanakaLike I said, Toru is awesome. He's like, the most relatable of all the characters. Hmm, I guess the girls are fine too, and Kana is a very sympathetic character. That means all of them are good. I can even sense Haruki's guilt.
But come on, Kori, that joke was too far.
Hmm, I'm not sure what to say, I mean it's a good, informative chapter, and we get introduced to Kori, who looks cool, plus some info on the queen and how the society works. Then we have an assignment for the trio even before they can rest, and I really feel Toru. Sometimes I just want to collapse on the bed and sleep for the rest of the day. No rest for the weary, huh?
Can't wait for the next chapter!
4/9/2017 c4 Tomoyuki Tanaka
Ophelia and Naomi...you two...
That was an awesome fight scene, but I was wondering what the point was if Kana was just going to give up and let Haruki kill him anyway. That puzzled me. All that fighting and Kana wining, just so he can surrdender and let Haruki execute him? Maybe he wanted a final battle or something. But that was a great action scene and it was thoroughly entertaining. Yay. Makes me look forward to more.
I'm a bit confused. Okay, so Haruki returns with Kana, but where do the other three go? Shouldn't they return to base to uh, deliver a report or something? Or is there soemwhere else they should go to?
Ophelia and Naomi...you two...
That was an awesome fight scene, but I was wondering what the point was if Kana was just going to give up and let Haruki kill him anyway. That puzzled me. All that fighting and Kana wining, just so he can surrdender and let Haruki execute him? Maybe he wanted a final battle or something. But that was a great action scene and it was thoroughly entertaining. Yay. Makes me look forward to more.
I'm a bit confused. Okay, so Haruki returns with Kana, but where do the other three go? Shouldn't they return to base to uh, deliver a report or something? Or is there soemwhere else they should go to?
4/9/2017 c3 Tomoyuki Tanaka
Did I miss something? I know Kana is Kana (if that makes sense) but how did Toru know that was Kana? I meant, he ran into the guy and automatically assumed that the big guy was Kana. Did Haruki provide a description or something? I mean, yeah, he's right (either thanks to plot or whatever), but what if he had assumed wrongly?
Other than that, cool chapter. I like Toru's spells, but I haven't really seen the rest in action. I can't wait to see Haruki fight! Oh, and I noted that Ophelia opens gates and senses stuff, but she already did that in the previous chapter. I suppose each of them have their own unique abilities.
Did I miss something? I know Kana is Kana (if that makes sense) but how did Toru know that was Kana? I meant, he ran into the guy and automatically assumed that the big guy was Kana. Did Haruki provide a description or something? I mean, yeah, he's right (either thanks to plot or whatever), but what if he had assumed wrongly?
Other than that, cool chapter. I like Toru's spells, but I haven't really seen the rest in action. I can't wait to see Haruki fight! Oh, and I noted that Ophelia opens gates and senses stuff, but she already did that in the previous chapter. I suppose each of them have their own unique abilities.
4/9/2017 c2 Tomoyuki Tanaka
This was a cool chapter, and I have to say I really like Toru. I can really relate to him. I do have to laugh a bit at Haruki's warning and Toru's confusion. It's clear that Kana is into guys. Poor Toru, he really is in danger!
Great development, nice characters and a smooth flow. The plot is proceeding along smoothly and I like the pacing. Can't wait to read more!
This was a cool chapter, and I have to say I really like Toru. I can really relate to him. I do have to laugh a bit at Haruki's warning and Toru's confusion. It's clear that Kana is into guys. Poor Toru, he really is in danger!
Great development, nice characters and a smooth flow. The plot is proceeding along smoothly and I like the pacing. Can't wait to read more!
4/8/2017 c1 Tomoyuki Tanaka
This was an interesting chapter, with the characters fully fleshed out and nicely depicted. I kind of like Toru, and for a second I almost thought he really was Ophelia's husband until I realize she was acting as bait and the whole thing was...an act. Oh well, but that was fun.
A good start so far, and I look forward to reading the other chapters!
This was an interesting chapter, with the characters fully fleshed out and nicely depicted. I kind of like Toru, and for a second I almost thought he really was Ophelia's husband until I realize she was acting as bait and the whole thing was...an act. Oh well, but that was fun.
A good start so far, and I look forward to reading the other chapters!
9/29/2016 c1 2Cawfee Connoisseur
-Eiji-
Okay, a Rewrite huh? Well, it’s not like I remembered much from the original. I know that I had issues with the unnatural way a part of the world was given exposition, and that ToruxKana was better than ToruxOphelia, but that’s it. I guess the only thing I can expect is those issues being fixed.
First, I’ll point out a few errors for you to fix.
In the first paragraph, you wrote, “There a woman rested”. I’m thinking it should be “There, a woman rested” since I instinctively took a breath as I read it.
“exposing an strange mark” No need for explanations here. Simple typo.
“stake out” Stakeout is actually a word, even I was surprised. But yeah, no spaces.
And uh, I know I spotted more, but I don’t want to get too anal. It’s not my style. An extra proofread would weed out these careless mistakes.
But, doesn’t matter. Carelessness aside, your writing’s actually pretty snappy and descriptive. You don’t bloat the story with unnecessary details, and you only mention a particular detail once. That makes for some smooth reading. My favourite description was of the wind rustling the leaves with a whistle, it gave a very grim feeling and you can feel how terrified that woman must have felt at that moment. Very well done.
So, story, yeah, story. I don’t remember what happened in the first chapter of the original. That’s why, I won’t be making a comparison, I’ll review it as I see it, as if it were something completely new. This chapter serves as a character introduction to who we’ll be following, and it does its job nicely. You made a fakeout with the beginning, making it seem like a horror movie, but then the woman ended up kicking some ass, and that left quite the impression. It’d definitely keep people wanting more, when they get surprised like that.
You get an idea what the characters are like from their interactions. Ophelia has a huge axe and can kick ass, but she behaves like the moeblob of the group, unsure and humble, almost seeming like a rookie. Toru’s the life of the group, but he’s no idiot, since he planned the operation. Naomi’s the more serious one, and you get the idea that she’s looking out for the two of them always, like some kinda big sis. Whether I’m right or wrong, doesn’t matter, cause that’s the first impression they gave. And it’s rather solid, for an RPG party. Wouldn’t mind going through a whole game with their shenanigans.
Anyway, next chapter was uh, I’m thinking that’s when Kana shows up, right? Then he and Toru form the OTP of all OTPs, screw Ophelia. I know you already wrote it, but can’t be assed to upload it. But, if you do end up doing it, then rest assured, we’ll read it.
-Ren-
I still remember the first chapter of the original. Rather, the prologue or was it the first chapter? Either way, the rewrite was really different from the original. I don’t remember them going on a mission on the first chapter. If I’m not mistaken it was more like someone found Ophelia in the forest, I think? My memory is vague.
Well, whatever. Let’s get down to this new Elemental Warriors, yes?
Like the same feeling I had when I read the first chapter of the original, this also felt more of a prologue than an actual first chapter. It’s less of a premise where it is already engaging for me to continue, but more of a quick intro that kept me curious of what more to come. What I mean is I wasn’t that excited while I read through it that it makes me wanna pester the writer to get on the next chapter right away. Instead, I have the “Hmm… Maybe I’ll give this a 3-episode rule” type of reaction coz I wasn’t sure if it will keep me interested or not. Then again, I’m a sucker for shounen stuff. Maybe I was expecting this one to be like that as well. Thus, my reaction to it.
I did like the short action scenes though. Surprise one-hit KOs always gets me especially when I least expect it, but personally I like them messy fights more. The fights in this chapter were perhaps my favorite because how it was written. It was narrated and described well that I felt how badass that was. Hell, even the part when the inukonjou appeared gave me the chills, then woman kicks ass and it got better when the following scenes came in! That was a nice touch.
As for the characters. Surprisingly, with how much you told about them, I already got an idea of their characterization. You have great dialogues which brought out their characters without having to go through the trouble of introducing them in roundabout way. Another plus for me.
Lastly, the writing. It’s good. Smooth, and descriptive. The chapter jumped from one scene to another naturally and the amount of descriptions were enough to give me a clear image of what was happening. As long as I get the image in my mind while reading it, I’m good. There were a few typos as mentioned above, but you probably noticed it by now so just fix them, yes?
Now onto the next chapter. If I remember correctly, that’s when they uhm… save that guy? Yeah, I’ll just wait for it.
This review was brought to you by Cawfee Connoisseur. We read and review anyone’s story without discrimination on a daily basis. Moreover, we create a productive circle of readers, writers and artists by motivating each other to read, write and draw. We promote appreciation of stories of all genres regardless of the content. If it’s good, then we read it! No restrictions, just casual and fun activity!
2Cawfee Connoisseur-Eiji-
Okay, a Rewrite huh? Well, it’s not like I remembered much from the original. I know that I had issues with the unnatural way a part of the world was given exposition, and that ToruxKana was better than ToruxOphelia, but that’s it. I guess the only thing I can expect is those issues being fixed.
First, I’ll point out a few errors for you to fix.
In the first paragraph, you wrote, “There a woman rested”. I’m thinking it should be “There, a woman rested” since I instinctively took a breath as I read it.
“exposing an strange mark” No need for explanations here. Simple typo.
“stake out” Stakeout is actually a word, even I was surprised. But yeah, no spaces.
And uh, I know I spotted more, but I don’t want to get too anal. It’s not my style. An extra proofread would weed out these careless mistakes.
But, doesn’t matter. Carelessness aside, your writing’s actually pretty snappy and descriptive. You don’t bloat the story with unnecessary details, and you only mention a particular detail once. That makes for some smooth reading. My favourite description was of the wind rustling the leaves with a whistle, it gave a very grim feeling and you can feel how terrified that woman must have felt at that moment. Very well done.
So, story, yeah, story. I don’t remember what happened in the first chapter of the original. That’s why, I won’t be making a comparison, I’ll review it as I see it, as if it were something completely new. This chapter serves as a character introduction to who we’ll be following, and it does its job nicely. You made a fakeout with the beginning, making it seem like a horror movie, but then the woman ended up kicking some ass, and that left quite the impression. It’d definitely keep people wanting more, when they get surprised like that.
You get an idea what the characters are like from their interactions. Ophelia has a huge axe and can kick ass, but she behaves like the moeblob of the group, unsure and humble, almost seeming like a rookie. Toru’s the life of the group, but he’s no idiot, since he planned the operation. Naomi’s the more serious one, and you get the idea that she’s looking out for the two of them always, like some kinda big sis. Whether I’m right or wrong, doesn’t matter, cause that’s the first impression they gave. And it’s rather solid, for an RPG party. Wouldn’t mind going through a whole game with their shenanigans.
Anyway, next chapter was uh, I’m thinking that’s when Kana shows up, right? Then he and Toru form the OTP of all OTPs, screw Ophelia. I know you already wrote it, but can’t be assed to upload it. But, if you do end up doing it, then rest assured, we’ll read it.
-Ren-
I still remember the first chapter of the original. Rather, the prologue or was it the first chapter? Either way, the rewrite was really different from the original. I don’t remember them going on a mission on the first chapter. If I’m not mistaken it was more like someone found Ophelia in the forest, I think? My memory is vague.
Well, whatever. Let’s get down to this new Elemental Warriors, yes?
Like the same feeling I had when I read the first chapter of the original, this also felt more of a prologue than an actual first chapter. It’s less of a premise where it is already engaging for me to continue, but more of a quick intro that kept me curious of what more to come. What I mean is I wasn’t that excited while I read through it that it makes me wanna pester the writer to get on the next chapter right away. Instead, I have the “Hmm… Maybe I’ll give this a 3-episode rule” type of reaction coz I wasn’t sure if it will keep me interested or not. Then again, I’m a sucker for shounen stuff. Maybe I was expecting this one to be like that as well. Thus, my reaction to it.
I did like the short action scenes though. Surprise one-hit KOs always gets me especially when I least expect it, but personally I like them messy fights more. The fights in this chapter were perhaps my favorite because how it was written. It was narrated and described well that I felt how badass that was. Hell, even the part when the inukonjou appeared gave me the chills, then woman kicks ass and it got better when the following scenes came in! That was a nice touch.
As for the characters. Surprisingly, with how much you told about them, I already got an idea of their characterization. You have great dialogues which brought out their characters without having to go through the trouble of introducing them in roundabout way. Another plus for me.
Lastly, the writing. It’s good. Smooth, and descriptive. The chapter jumped from one scene to another naturally and the amount of descriptions were enough to give me a clear image of what was happening. As long as I get the image in my mind while reading it, I’m good. There were a few typos as mentioned above, but you probably noticed it by now so just fix them, yes?
Now onto the next chapter. If I remember correctly, that’s when they uhm… save that guy? Yeah, I’ll just wait for it.
This review was brought to you by Cawfee Connoisseur. We read and review anyone’s story without discrimination on a daily basis. Moreover, we create a productive circle of readers, writers and artists by motivating each other to read, write and draw. We promote appreciation of stories of all genres regardless of the content. If it’s good, then we read it! No restrictions, just casual and fun activity!