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12/14/2017 c7 51The Warrior Poet
I can't help but wonder if their wrecking ball methods will cause something like what happened in Estermont to break out in Eritall. Riot or no riot, its going to be difficult for the party to escape the city with their hides intact.

Faux's bloodlust begins to rear its ugly head again. In the last story it eventually led to to imprisonment and torture of Ahanna. I am wondering who his recklessness will hurt this time?

I feel for Aboleth. He is making the right choice in escaping and reclaiming the shield, but his guilt won't allow him to see it.
12/9/2017 c6 The Warrior Poet
The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Faux and Aboleth are two very different people with two very different views of the world. Although they have been able to maintain an amiable companionship up til now, that difference of opinion was bound to cause friction in the relationship.

I feel for Aboleth here. He doesn't seem able to separate Church and Faith, and there was perhaps no better way to injure him than to excommunicate him. The Pontifex is obviously corrupted, but his corruption is more dangerous than Keswick or Delwin's. They do what they do because they hunger for power, but the Pontifex does what he does because he is misguided enough to think it is right. Or at least, that is the impression I am getting.

I remain openly envious of your descriptive powers. One example that stuck out to me as being especially well done:

"The room they entered screamed opulence. Dozens of thick beeswax candles burned within the windowless space casting a bright but flickering light. The walls were lined in a rich dark mahogany polished to a deep reddish glow."
12/4/2017 c13 8LorrahBear
Ah ha! There's the guilt and timeline I was asking for!

I liked the way you portrayed Ahanna's power, but I think adding something from Jinx after she passes out might help. Something about her weilding magic while untrained causing her exhaustion or whatever.

I love bro-time talk between Faux and Abe. Their relationship is something I always adore. :)
12/4/2017 c12 LorrahBear
Dun dun!

I love the cliffhanger, and I'm excited to see what comes next. From a writing perspective, I'm also glad that you put something in the way of Jinx's power - she's the one who comes the closest to being unstoppable.

I do feel like things are progressing too fast between Ahanna and Faux. We have a lot of chapters between when his love died, but timeline wise, I think it's been... a week? Two weeks? We were reminded of his guilt and grief not long ago; it surprised me that he would think of Ahanna the way he's beginning to already without some semblance of that guilt or at least some memory of what happened coming in to play. The arrows raining down while he's trying to protect yet another woman he cares about could cause some serious flashbacks.

Overall, I loved it. I want more Abe, as I love him, but I'm sure I'll get more of him soon! ;)
11/28/2017 c11 LorrahBear
I'm so glad to be reading your work again. :). I feel so bad for Abe. My heart hurts for him, more even than Faux, although in truth I hurt for them both. Jinx was surprisingly likable, and you know how it pains me to say that. Maybe the Giant Man can... inspire some calm. ;)

Loved this transitional chapter. :)
11/21/2017 c13 8Barbados
Very tense battle.

But, you've always done action so incredibly well, imo.

Ahanna's powers showing up was pretty epic, and fits in with generally how people discover such abilities - stress of fight or flight. In that regard, it's a little trite, but easily understood if not expected.
To your credit, you didn't just gloss over it - there are repercussions, the extent of which is yet to be seen fully.

Faux's introspection almost caught me off guard, it's been so long since we've had the chance to visit him this way. It was good to get back to that some, although something felt strange - perhaps the abundance of ? or maybe that thought of "Am I in love with her?" because it lent a bit of first person to the story, and we aren't usually that close.

Still, wild chapter, excellent ride (and read) and I'm glad the wait wasn't too long for it this time. Like, really glad. :)
11/14/2017 c12 Barbados
Ahanna intensifies.

So does everything else!

Talk about ratcheting it up, things look really grim right now. I just know they'll get out of it, somehow... I mean, right? RIGHT?!

Fantastic pacing. The intensity never let up. Very smooth flow, and the dialogue is just the right amount - it adds flavor and variety but doesn't slow it down one bit, and instead actually works to help build the momentum.

Fantastic job, as always.

And now the wait begins anew...
11/13/2017 c5 51The Warrior Poet
Some good world-building here as we further explore Eritall and especially the college. I can see the tower perfectly in my mind, and if it appeared in front of me I would be easily able to find my way to the Arch Lector’s office. Your descriptions are definitely having the desired effect.

Some good explanations about your magic
system here as well. I think it is wise to have Ahanna curious about magic because we get to learn about it alongside her, and avoid the pitfall of telling as opposed to showing.

Little details like Thom observing that human-sized steps usually tire him out really add to the believability of the story and the mystery of the tower.

I was relieved to see Jinx maintaining her usual spunk with the Head Lector as her character would become somewhat diminished for me if she suddenly became a groveler in front of an authority figure in her order.

In short, this is a chapter with the “B-Team” characters but it doesn’t read that way, so well done.
11/3/2017 c4 The Warrior Poet
One thing I like about your "baddies" is the fact that none of them seem like dipshits.

Faux is a very good liar, but he almost gives himself away to the Guard Captain here, a man who is obviously no fool. The more dangerous a writer can make things for his characters, the more exhilarating his or her story will be, and having clever enemies is a good way to add on to that. I am only assuming the inquisition are baddies of course, but I think I am justified in doing so as I have never read a story where the inquisition is "good".

I like the descriptions we get of the city here, and how it compares with Estermont. One of the best ways to breath life into a fantasy world is through comparison. I am a fan of "A Song of Ice and Fire" by George RR Martin, and one of my favorite examples of worldbuilding in those stories is a chapter where a sailor compares the various big cities throughout Westeros to different types of women. One is a milkmaid, another a whore, etc...There is no better way to get a feel for a place than comparing it -other- places, and you accomplish that well here.

With the last line of this chapter we are left to wonder...is Aboleth being figurative, or literal?
10/20/2017 c3 The Warrior Poet
A lot of great tension in this chapter with the inspection and the sudden change of berth.

Jinx is showing that she is her usual impetuous self with her decision to go above deck, and I wonder if that choice will have dire consequences. The necromancer has a vested interest in finding her, and I'm sure Keswick has friends in high places.

Nice description of Eritall -I can see it quite clearly in my mind. I can feel the thriving life of the place pulsing out from your prose, and am looking forward to exploring it at the micro level now. If they can make it off the docks, anyway...
10/16/2017 c2 The Warrior Poet
A good catch-up here.

Faux has sunk once again into self-loathing, which has been a common thread running through these stories, but it seems to be worse now than it has ever been as we have him actually considering suicide here. Aboleth can only do so much to drag him from the pit -eventually he will need to find some way to forgive himself. Knowing his history, I predict that if he actually does run off alone it won't be to the benefit of his character. He is good at running away from things, and Aboleth is right on when he gives Faux the advice to stop internalizing.

Knowing your talent in breathing life into a place with words, I am looking forward to our first sight of Eritall.
10/14/2017 c1 The Warrior Poet
I had a feeling these two would be joining forces.

It is a nice contrast to see Keswick's ambitions laid bare here and then by the end of the chapter have them relegated to insignificance with the appearance of Uthros. A nice continuation from the epilogue of the first story, in which the stakes are upped.

Keswick's cruelty is clear as we learn of the staggering number of people killed in the revolt, and his subsequent treatment of the bodies. He may think such iron fisted tactics have quelled the fires of rebellion, but to quote Princess Leia "The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems slip through your fingers." Actions such as Keswick's normally only lead to better, more organized resistance and dissent. Tyranny never ends well for the tyrants.

The forces of good and evil are mobilizing, and I am looking forward to seeing what unfolds!
10/10/2017 c11 8Barbados
Title chapter, it seems.

Loved this chapter - it offered some suspense, action, drama, introspection, romance (ish) and all in the perfect doses to keep things moving, while developing several arcs.

The only thing I didn't like was how long it took me to get around to it. ;)

I especially like the mystery that is woven around Ahanna; I predict she will be very important at some point. She might be my favorite character in all of this, actually.

Bravo, and look forward to more!
9/25/2017 c10 Barbados
This chapter was excellent - and a needed break from the other goings on.

It has been a long while since I read Ankier, so it took me a minute to adjust, but you provided the relevant information seamlessly and I felt back into it quickly.

Quite the development! Setting up some very interesting possibilities in the future.

I didn't really notice anything to criticize, really. The pace was good, and I noticed no typos that I recall.
9/12/2017 c10 8LorrahBear
What a fantastic chapter! I enjoyed Ankier (although I admit I needed some reminding as to who she was - which you gave!) and her thoughts. I like her.

I don't see why she would actually hunt Faux, at least with intent to kill/capture. She doesn't seem like the kind to want to be queen or any Nobel, and her first reaction to his offer wasn't joy or hope, it was concern.

Nevertheless, I loved a chapter from her point of view. She's tricky and observant and a wonderful focus point. She mentioned a lot of really important people/thoughts. Great job!
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