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8/15/2017 c10 13alltheeagles
My most recent impressions of Ankier are mainly from the spin-off slash prequel piece, where she's a brat getting herself into big trouble. So grown up Ankier pragmatically using her body as a tool took a little readjustment at first before I recalled how I detested her at first and then admitted that she had her good points by the end of Dawn.
It's not entirely clear how she feels about Faux - you hint at admiration and maybe some fondness, but you've set up the clash so let the sparks fly. Hmm. Faux does seem to attract the ladies, doesn't he? Must be the pointy ears...
7/5/2017 c9 8LorrahBear
I still
7/2/2017 c8 LorrahBear
And we have our next quest!

There were a few places were there was a comma and I felt there should be a period (IE: "But I will advise you to tread carefully.[I]t is very likely..."

There was a lot of talk in this chapter, but it still flowed really well. I liked the snippet where it is mentioned that Ahanna can see the magic. She is my third favorite character (after Aboleth and Faux, of course).

I look forward to seeing the gang get back together and start out on the next quest!
6/29/2017 c7 LorrahBear
As always, I adored this chapter. There were even a few cases where the punctuation after spoken sentences was correct (my intent is is to be playful here)!

I was a little thrown off by how much talking they did during the escape, and I couldn't quite remember the man Jinx kills, but I loved the way he slowly recognized him. I also liked Jinx's man-apology to Abe at the start of this chapter.

Run like the wind, fellas!
6/27/2017 c9 8Barbados
Another great chapter, and it brings everyone back together - yay!

Good mix of drama, suspense, action, humor - these chapters have it all. It's what makes them such a treat to read.

I, for one, am glad to be away from the city and back into the wilds and adventure. Not that things haven't been interesting in town, I just like to see them back into the dungeon adventure part.

Typical Jinx at the end - wonder how that'll play out.

Although, I'm honestly not sure that arrow would've flown a lick with wood and detritus attached to it - maybe just the cloth?

And now the wait for the next one...
6/21/2017 c9 13alltheeagles
I like how you balance the drama and the action, so that as a reader I don't fall into a rut, so to speak. You also held back on F's guilt trip without trivialising it, and I particularly liked Abo's tough love words that didn't coddle F but were also respectful of F's loss. It isn't easy dealing with somebody who's under a huge burden of guilt like that, and I think for F, Abo's head-on approach is probably more effective than skirting the issue and the old 'let time heal' routine.
The way you brought both arcs together is smooth and makes sense, and most impressively, you did it without some kind of deus ex machina or too-convenient coincidence in the plot.
Looking forward to more adventures soon!
6/21/2017 c6 8LorrahBear
This chapter was stellar! I noticed my normal punctuation complaints, and one misspelling ("churche's" I think), but nothing could stop me from gobbling this chapter right up. Your best yet!

Faux's switch to railing against Aboleth at the end of the chapter felt a little out of place for me - aren't they mid escape still? But overall, I I loved this chapter!
6/16/2017 c5 LorrahBear
How lovely to becreading this again!

I still have my usual suggestions regarding punctuation/capitalization following spoken text, but that's all easy enough to fix.

I found myself balking at word choice a few times, although I'm struggling to remember them now. "bloody hell" was one. Things said that felt out of context with the overall flow of the way your characters normally speak.

I wish we got more of Ahanna's personality. I want to like her so bad, and yet here she was little more than a spare body dragged from scene to scene.

Okay, now that that's done, hooray for reading your work again! It was as easy to pick up as ever, and I enjoyed the chapter, even though it centered around my least favorite character. I wish we got more from Jinx than just... irritation and pride. Surely she isn't like that all the time. Even when scolded by the head woman, she barely lost her normal stance.

I am way interested in the head woman! She's a devious one, I suspect. Hmmm...

Loved the description of the mage tower. :)

Maybe Ahanna'a a healer (whoop whoop), although it wasn't mentioned as a magical branch of the tree.

Time will tell! So happy to be reading your work again. 3
5/19/2017 c8 8Barbados
As ever, the chapter closes beautifully.

Lots of including here, but it came out well. I've read that dialogue should never be used to convey world building to such a degree, but I can't say that I agree. I think it fits here, because it's not a character saying something like, "As you all know, blah blah... " yes, they all know, so why would you repeat it except for the reader's knowledge. That's rubbish.

What you did works well, because it moves the plot, while building the world, and is new information to everyone.

And on that note, the many layers to this world continue to be pulled back to reveal what great depth it has.

I will say that Jinx's flashback to the tavern, you mention it had niggled her mind, and I kind of was like - has it? This is the first I've heard of it.

But otherwise, this was a bombshell chapter that could have been muddy and cumbersome, but came out engaging and neat. Well done.
5/6/2017 c8 13alltheeagles
The interaction between Thom and Jinx is really fun to read! I must say that all your characters have a certain degree of charm as individuals and that really helps me to get into the story. You had quite a lot of 'theory' to deliver in this chapter and you did a good job of not turning it into a dry lecture. Using the discussion format helped with that, and let me feel that I was working out the information along with the characters. I won't say that I perfectly understand the whole concept of the stones and the nature of magic and all that, but I grasp the most basic fact, that they are locks to the imprisoned Evil One, and that's good enough for now. And then the two threads join up nicely again at the end. A for continuity!
5/5/2017 c7 alltheeagles
That was a neatly written fight scene, and I enjoyed reading it, which I rarely say about fight scenes so all means you should take that as a compliment :D
Well Faux seems to have gotten over his doldrums, though if it through the bloodshed and revenge then Abo is right to be worried about his psychological healing. His decision to spare the pontifex is almost guaranteed to backfire on him unless you twist the plot in such a way that the old man comes to his senses as a result, which would be rather hard to explain.
Anyway I find Abo's predominantly sad reaction very consistent with what you've portrayed of his character for now, and I'm glad that he didn't just throw off his years of faith so easily or sink into a paralysing depression.
5/1/2017 c7 8Barbados
I didn't want to read this, because now I have to wait - but after the last chapter, I just had to keep reading!

So much pain and confusion, in both of our dear friends, and you bring it out so well - both in their actions (Faux kind of slipping into his old ways,) and their words - Aboleth referring to the shield as empty and hollow.

They do have a habit of making enemies, though... they might want to look into that. Powerful enemies, too.

Of the two, Faux is surely in a worse place though - and I'm concerned his actions might put his companions in harms way.
5/1/2017 c6 Barbados
When the Pontifex mentioned arrest and the charge, I hit my desk with my first, stood up from my chair and was like, "what!?"

That's how wonderfully engaging you craft this.

The end of this, though - this is dark and desperate. Broken, indeed.

Incredibly well written - loving every minute of it. How the shield was so heavy for the guard, how everyone seems so real - their actions don't feel like actions for the sake of the story, but they genuinely feel like the course that would be taken based on this character's motivation.

It's brilliant! Truly.
4/27/2017 c5 Barbados
Absolutely perfect ending!

The first half of the chapter moved slowly, but I enjoyed the scenery. I was also excited by the propsect of Ahanna having magical gifts, but it seems that was shot down later by Kasbiel. Of course, clearly the Head Lector can be wrong about things. ;)

I also like the titles for these mages. Clever.

The Head Lector, Kasbiel, has a very strong personality. Or rather, her personality is very well illustrated. Well both, perhaps, and well done.

The plot points in this chapter were more subtle - almost like a quick review of some of the characters in the story. It was actually kind of nice, I thought - it was subdued, yet still brought the plot a little bit into sharper focus. The elemental stones, Uhdros, all that stuff - it had kind of been lost in the recent events.

Great work as always!
4/26/2017 c4 Barbados
Well, you know what they say... no one expects the Inquisition. That one was Spanish, though...

I should have expected such a hard-lined sect somewhere in the order. But wow, these guys are really zealots.

The kiss though! Hmmm... hopefully.

Okay, so really, what can I say? This is already such top-notch writing, and the story is intense and so much fun to read. You have grounding for the details, which is excellent. I feel like a lot of writers might have thrown the bit in about him BSing his way through the confrontation, without giving thought to how he would have gained the information. You addressed it, which was great - and furthermore, you addressed it in a way that seemed fluid and in character, which was amazing.

It's that level of detail and immersion that makes this one of my favorite stories.
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