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4/20/2017 c3 8Barbados
Hmm... I suspect that the reason the captain was selected, was so that a little negotiations could take place that would allow them safe passage But at the end, it's not clear that passage is so safe.

Vivid descriptions, as always, and I could really visualize the docks, and the city beyond. I enjoy the interactions between Faux and Ahanna. Is it wrong to want them to end up together?

Not much else to say. :)
4/12/2017 c2 Barbados
Man, this is starting in such a dark place, and hinting that it will get even darker.

On the other hand, there is some hope shown through in Ahanna's conversation. The only one who can't see, and she's the source of illumination.

Some of the description was a little clunky, such as "wooden decks planks" which would have been fine without decks. There was also a number of other comma mishaps, but those can be fixed with a final edit.

The characters were well displayed, and you did a good job revisiting what's come before in the exposition, without really getting into it. Just enough to remind us.

Overall, another great chapter. :)
3/21/2017 c4 43zanybellecloudo
Oh! No fighting in the boat? I was expecting a battle scene fit for pirates with sail swinging and sword swishing. Instead very foreboding men on horses arrive at the dock. But I like a curve ball, keeps me on my toes. It's pretty clear Faux will regret this but we certainly won't. It does seem they were expecting them and don't want to waste anytime which can't be good. Thanks for sharing, ZB.
3/21/2017 c3 zanybellecloudo
Talented storytelling which always sets the scene in the mind as clear as being there. Actually I found the chapter strangely short, even though long chapters are often a qualm of mine. I was enjoying it so that an abrupt break disgruntled me somewhat. I also sneaked onto the next chapter but realised my manners and stopped to write a review as is deserved. The inspection seems to hint at pending trouble ahead. All hopes of a peaceful entrance have been dashed! :) I await to see the unfolding action ahead and whether they all escape unscathed. Thanks for sharing your first class writing with the humble reader. Still my favourite story! ZB.
3/18/2017 c6 13alltheeagles
I'm on Faux's side here when it comes to the whole railing against fate thing. Maybe it was even cathartic for him in a way, to physically be able to take action against the injustice of the representatives of Jahlenea. As for Abo, I expect more soul-searching and emotional storming on his part, despite what he said about seeing this coming. Poor guy, his strength of faith was one of the attractive things about him for me and I feel (and fear) for him now that this has been taken away from him. It's rather sad though, that the church or its equivalent is so commonly portrayed as corrupt in some way in fiction, or even 'the real enemy' in some cases. I don't think I've ever read a story in which men of faith have their faith proven true, or in which a religious order is shown to be a 'good guy' through and through. I suppose the rest of the band will catch up with them eventually, and they'll find a new quest to go on, but apart from that I have frankly no idea where the plot is going after this, and that's good!
3/6/2017 c1 8Barbados
Hmmm. I shudder to think what the title of this book hints at - considering how the title of the first one played into the story.

This was a great opening, in my opinion. It really sets the stage for some dark times ahead for our beloved characters from ANDC. Well, iirc, the epilogue of ANDC suggested as much was on the horizon.

You did a great job of showcasing Uhdros power with a simple gesture in his squelching of a very powerful artifact. In that moment, you're like... well, damn, this guy is really, really bad news. We knew that already, of course, but it was a great reminder of it.

Looking forward to continuing this, as ever. :)
1/19/2017 c4 8LorrahBear
Ah ha! I knew she'd do well in the church!

This doesn't bode well for our heros, but I am really interested to learn what on earth this supposedly "extinct" group is up to, as well as how they knew to expect them - we're not in the age of e-mail here. There's a spy amongst them...

A few errors (you know how I am about punctuation) but things flowed so well I barely noticed them!
1/19/2017 c3 LorrahBear
I really like how they handled the inspector, except, of course, for Jinx, who remains on the difficult to like side. I squint my eyes at her in a most unladylike fashion.

I can't wait to see how my favorite dwarf (and half elf) handle things going forward, but I think the lie about pirates will cost them. That was unwise, captain!
1/15/2017 c2 LorrahBear
I *adore* Ahanna. She may be my favorite character (so far) of the two books. :)

I really enjoyed this second chapter. It felt very much like a first chapter (appropriate, as it's the first we've gotten from Faux and friends).

Some suggestions:
-In the opening paragraph, the sentence ending in "For Faux Falaran[,] it was a matter of life and death..." should either have a "but" before it, or the comma preceding it should be changed to a semi-colon.
-A few periods where commas belong, such as: "You told me not to go toe to toe with him[,]" Faux snarled...

I can't wait to see more! :)
1/10/2017 c5 13alltheeagles
A flashback! :) Most of the advice I hear about flashbacks go along the 'use in moderation' line, but it works here; helps to tie the events of this chapter to the previous one.

I like your restraint with the descriptions of magical things - Jinx's remark about no need for displays perfectly sums up this approach. There was a nice balance between the fantastic (that sky-bridge effect was great!) and the mundane (no invisible tea trays floating around, just apprentices' legwork).

You're leaving Ahana's options open, I see, with all the clues being dropped about her possible affinity or not for magic. Remains to be seen whether this is going to develop further as a 'church vs magic' issue or just a good 'ol red herring.

Typos: ISle, giant'S rippling, kitchenS, a particular RUIN, as SHE looked from,
1/3/2017 c4 alltheeagles
Ah, so Faux isn't gonna have new adventures on his own / with new companions just yet. I was just about to resign myself to learning new names and personalities when the goodbyes were going round. Minor point: what were the others doing as Aboleth was being led away? I'd have expected at least Thom to say something, even if Abo did 'soothe' them.

Anyway, I'm happy that he stuck to Abo. I am, as I've mentioned before, quite fond of the dwarf, and I'd hate for him to be written off just like that. As for Faux's decision, it seems to be good for his current gloomy-doomy mood, as he's perked up considerably. :D Looking forward to more action and plot movement in the next chp!

Typo: God (not God's) dammit, the cleric'S eyes
1/3/2017 c3 alltheeagles
The first bit was chock full of vivid imagery, for sure. I enjoyed reading it, on the whole, since I like similes and metaphors, but I'd say there wasn't an identifiable theme to unify the description e.g. one moment the ships were likened to a forest and the next they were personified as 'angry' etc. I liked both forest/person themes, but you could, theoretically, have stuck to either one and sustained it right to the end of the scene.

In terms of the plot, I think you did a good job building up suspense without making anybody sound paranoid, or having any undue suspicions cast upon them. I'm not sure, however, why having Jinx and Ahanna aboard is such a big deal. Because of the seaman's superstition about women on ships?
12/21/2016 c2 alltheeagles
Faux has lost his underlying cheer and is very much darker in this story. Not that he was ever Little Miss Sunshine, but he had a certain rakish bravado in ANDR which is pretty much gone now. I hope he doesn't turn into Mr Constant Gloomy Doom instead, cause that'd be hard to read about.

I guess Ahanna's blindness nixes the idea of her joining their crew. Too bad, she was shaping up to be a steadying influence on Faux, even more so when you've taken care of the whole 'will Faux blame her' question. So... no romance, I suppose, unless Jinx is still in the running. Not a big deal, just that I'm a sucker for ships (and I don't mean the ones with sails).

Typo: fool's deal
12/21/2016 c1 alltheeagles
Declare himself king? Hmm, I didn't know Keswick had it in him, since the impression he'd given me in ANDR was 'minor bad guy'. At the moment I find him not so interesting, despite the personal involvement with the death of his son and all. Don't get me wrong, he makes a creditable villain, but well, I prefer my villains with shades rather than black through and through if you know what I mean.

This Uhdros guy is the same one from the tomb, right? I remembered the clue or foreshadowing that you put in. If he is, then why didn't he get the stone straightaway then? It was in the same neighbourhood as him, wasn't it? Just a small niggle.

Typo: snowy haired intruder'S turn
11/17/2016 c2 43zanybellecloudo
Great to see a new chapter, thank you. I like your character development because it's always so natural. It had the right mix of emotions considering Faux's loss and also that hint of regret and anger. It has set the scene of intrigue in which direction Faux will go next. I have a feeling he'll stay with the group but you'll throw a curve ball and shock us all! Haha. Still, whatever happens it'll be great and one heck of a journey.

Keep writing! Thanks for sharing, ZB.
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