for The Sleeping Hill10/31/2020 c1 JaveHarron
Not sure if you are aware, but there is a videogame called Dusk with more than a few thematic similarities to this story. It has a great metal soundtrack as well. As far as the story goes, it had a solid twist at the end, although it was a little dialogue heavy for my tastes.
Not sure if you are aware, but there is a videogame called Dusk with more than a few thematic similarities to this story. It has a great metal soundtrack as well. As far as the story goes, it had a solid twist at the end, although it was a little dialogue heavy for my tastes.
11/25/2016 c1 
8LorrahBear
What a story! I really enjoyed their conversations together, as well as the twist with the wizard being the dragon. You did a really great job of making it not clear, as well as explaining the reason the boy-hero wanted to go fight in the first place.
One suggestion I have for you would be to watch punctuation around dialogue tags. When following dialogue with "she said" (or anything similar), the dialogue should end with a comma instead of a period (question marks and exclamation marks may stay), and the s in she should be lower case (even with question marks and exclamation marks). The only exception to this is if you go directly to action instead of dialogue tag. Some examples of this since my ramble may not be clear:
"Wow, what a lovely dress[,]" she said, eying the fabric.
"I'm so hungry!" she moaned, reaching for the pizza.
"Take that, foul beast!" he yelled, sword pointed forward.
"What do you think of the book?" She pointed towards a large tome.
I hope this helps, and I look forward to reading more from you!
8LorrahBearWhat a story! I really enjoyed their conversations together, as well as the twist with the wizard being the dragon. You did a really great job of making it not clear, as well as explaining the reason the boy-hero wanted to go fight in the first place.
One suggestion I have for you would be to watch punctuation around dialogue tags. When following dialogue with "she said" (or anything similar), the dialogue should end with a comma instead of a period (question marks and exclamation marks may stay), and the s in she should be lower case (even with question marks and exclamation marks). The only exception to this is if you go directly to action instead of dialogue tag. Some examples of this since my ramble may not be clear:
"Wow, what a lovely dress[,]" she said, eying the fabric.
"I'm so hungry!" she moaned, reaching for the pizza.
"Take that, foul beast!" he yelled, sword pointed forward.
"What do you think of the book?" She pointed towards a large tome.
I hope this helps, and I look forward to reading more from you!