for Watchtowers: Bright As Stars (Labyrinth January 2017)2/3/2017 c1 
20T.Rasa
A great peek into a deep, rich world, heavy with history and magic. This was a great little read, and the strong parallels all the way back to the prompt - of impermanence, of weakness and overcoming it - add a great thematic line, with nice touches in the sword, the toy, the characters themselves, that really add together to sell the theme of the piece. The characters really sing and their shared weaknesses really help to flesh them out in their own ways. This feels thick and heady with the power of a well loved world, well done.
20T.RasaA great peek into a deep, rich world, heavy with history and magic. This was a great little read, and the strong parallels all the way back to the prompt - of impermanence, of weakness and overcoming it - add a great thematic line, with nice touches in the sword, the toy, the characters themselves, that really add together to sell the theme of the piece. The characters really sing and their shared weaknesses really help to flesh them out in their own ways. This feels thick and heady with the power of a well loved world, well done.
2/1/2017 c1 33WyrdWolf
Great story-a real neat package of a larger world that we got to enjoy. It's not often I read a story where both the main characters are less-than-fit, broken, and aware of their own shortcomings. It's good, and I wondered if one of them might have ended up being the broken offering to the Warrior. Of course I'm glad it ended up being the dragon; makes it seem like the Precipice, among other things, is a sort of elephant graveyard.
Bastian and Sarifah were good characters; I particularly liked Bastian, and the line about how a Prince must not be ignorant.
33WyrdWolfGreat story-a real neat package of a larger world that we got to enjoy. It's not often I read a story where both the main characters are less-than-fit, broken, and aware of their own shortcomings. It's good, and I wondered if one of them might have ended up being the broken offering to the Warrior. Of course I'm glad it ended up being the dragon; makes it seem like the Precipice, among other things, is a sort of elephant graveyard.
Bastian and Sarifah were good characters; I particularly liked Bastian, and the line about how a Prince must not be ignorant.
1/29/2017 c1 31TanteLiz
Lovely.
I was immediately caught by the idea of offering broken things - of offering the pain of loss.
This story would benefit from cut and polish, but it has magical bones - just like the dragons.
31TanteLizLovely.
I was immediately caught by the idea of offering broken things - of offering the pain of loss.
This story would benefit from cut and polish, but it has magical bones - just like the dragons.
1/21/2017 c1 5Heavywordsthrown2light
I love this prompt. The idea of a sword not being a weapon at all really makes this story a whole other level. The symbolism of the firestarter breaking, and the sword, still being chipped, was able to do what if was meant to. Foreshadowing why the blade was still clean after such a long time again added to the
As for character's, I found it easy to believe Bastian to be a prince. He had bouts of childish behaviors, all the while struggling to maintain confidence.
Sarifah is just the character that steals the piece. He's a comical yet tragic character. The right blend of angst and laughter.
I must say, finding flaws in this piece was almost impossible. But what really bothered me was when Sarifah stabbed Hraesghar's eye. It really didn’t make sense, since he was already blind, and the idea of putting something in more pain seemed a bit strange, considering it came to the Freedom Sword to die. Another issue was a more sentence mechanical one. The part where Bastian looks at Hraesghar flicking his tongue. The sentence clauses after that have a strange structure that hurts to look at.
Other than that, excellent.
5Heavywordsthrown2lightI love this prompt. The idea of a sword not being a weapon at all really makes this story a whole other level. The symbolism of the firestarter breaking, and the sword, still being chipped, was able to do what if was meant to. Foreshadowing why the blade was still clean after such a long time again added to the
As for character's, I found it easy to believe Bastian to be a prince. He had bouts of childish behaviors, all the while struggling to maintain confidence.
Sarifah is just the character that steals the piece. He's a comical yet tragic character. The right blend of angst and laughter.
I must say, finding flaws in this piece was almost impossible. But what really bothered me was when Sarifah stabbed Hraesghar's eye. It really didn’t make sense, since he was already blind, and the idea of putting something in more pain seemed a bit strange, considering it came to the Freedom Sword to die. Another issue was a more sentence mechanical one. The part where Bastian looks at Hraesghar flicking his tongue. The sentence clauses after that have a strange structure that hurts to look at.
Other than that, excellent.
1/16/2017 c1 26augie.toaste
So. Many. Feels. Dysphoric, somber, vivid, wisened.
Though, as you said, you misread the prompt, you still created something of real value here. Bastian is an excellent name, but I think Sarifah steals the story from him with his knees and his cider and all that vast wisdom.
Great work!
Augs
26augie.toasteSo. Many. Feels. Dysphoric, somber, vivid, wisened.
Though, as you said, you misread the prompt, you still created something of real value here. Bastian is an excellent name, but I think Sarifah steals the story from him with his knees and his cider and all that vast wisdom.
Great work!
Augs