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for Love Me If You Can

4/6/2017 c5 13Shailaputri
Who is that color blind girl?
4/6/2017 c1 Shailaputri
I like that trying to slap part..
3/22/2017 c1 2PeachesForMe
I really like this chapter and want to read more to learn more about the characters and plot. One suggestion is that the language is just a little bit too flowery- do less telling and let the readers use their imagination to visualize what is going on. Certain quotes and actions cause readers to infer a lot of the things that you describe. The more advanced vocabulary is fine but comes off as a little too much, for example "its intonations clearly betraying its owner's mirth". That line is definitely well-written but I had to read it a few times to understand what it meant- you could go for something a lot simpler like "its tone was in sharp contrast to its owner's mirth" or something else. Simplicity is key- you don't need a description after every quote. Some "he said" "she said" is totally fine.

Overall, I really like this!

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