Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Collected Poems

1/20/2019 c16 45purple devil 87
This one is nice. it brings us all back to reality. Its a sort of poetic reminder that there are those who don't care about the planet. It keeps us conscious about the state of our earth.
12/10/2018 c18 10Shaelyn Pagliaro
Great job!
7/13/2018 c17 4ReluctantSecretary
You could keep your end rhyme if you try something like this:

"I will build you a house
and with much love you shall be doused
if you'll grant me the pleasure of becoming my spouse."
7/13/2018 c15 ReluctantSecretary
Hmm. As a wife, I find this an interesting take on the wife/husband dynamics and the societal perceptions of marriage, divorce, and female/male roles in marriage.

I love the line "If you took her to court, you would lose half your shit." because its so raw... and truthful. And at first I thought you meant court as in kings/queens, you know? Too funny when I realized you didn't! I would suggest taking "took" to "take" to match tense with "would" later in the line.
7/13/2018 c10 ReluctantSecretary
This sounds like a social critique of today's world. Thoughts? Is that where you were going?
7/13/2018 c9 ReluctantSecretary
I feel like this is the key plot device in a movie script. Make it happen, Sir. I'd read the heck out of it!
7/13/2018 c7 ReluctantSecretary
Hear, hear! Liquor is where it's at for me. Let's be efficient. xD hahaha
7/13/2018 c6 ReluctantSecretary
"Her feet are sweet and her breasts are like honey.
I admit that this is mighty funny...
Rose has red hair
and skin so white and fair.
She is a beautiful lass
and Bless me! has a great ass!
Rose is the love of me life -
But what shall I tell me wife?"

I think some of these word choices might fit your rhyme scheme a bit better. I think they're a bit cheekier, too. If the "me life/me wife" is too much, you could easily use "my" instead. I definitely dig what you're doing here. Very cool!
2/17/2018 c2 10SaltwaterJanuary
I like the slavery/freedom themes that you do. I feel like the line," for I love that spot covered in hair" is a bit strange for it, bit overall I like this one.
2/17/2018 c1 SaltwaterJanuary
I like reading your poems (especially since I have a hard time keeping up with the story, unfortunately), this one has an interesting tone to it.
2/16/2018 c1 anon123345648362506
Great poems! Keep up the good work.
11/18/2017 c5 9Psychotic Bella
Great job with positive influence, wish I could write like that.
11/18/2017 c1 Psychotic Bella
I am very religious, so I love that you added God in here.

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service