for Taken in Wrath10/1/2017 c6 Will9035
I feel really ridiculous for saying this, but even after this little side-project is done I still don't understand how Axel/Wrath factors into everything. If a being known as "Wrath" was mentioned in the SG stories, my apologies for the mind-slip.
Anyway, these six chapters were a nice read. Obviously they didn't reach the same epic scale as some of your other works (despite Axel basically achieving godhood at the end here), but that's not a bad thing. Axel's half of this final chapter was great and intense, while the second half was a lot more tender, and in both cases you did an excellent job conveying the proper mood. In fact, the mood and imagery in this story are, I daresay, some of your best yet. Unlike your other works, there was never a time when I felt inclined to call a timeout and ask for an explanation about what was happening. So either your ability to explain the speculative components is getting better, or maybe I'm just getting better at following what you're saying. Either way, that made "Taken in Wrath" a nice little side project.
Job well done, good sir.
I feel really ridiculous for saying this, but even after this little side-project is done I still don't understand how Axel/Wrath factors into everything. If a being known as "Wrath" was mentioned in the SG stories, my apologies for the mind-slip.
Anyway, these six chapters were a nice read. Obviously they didn't reach the same epic scale as some of your other works (despite Axel basically achieving godhood at the end here), but that's not a bad thing. Axel's half of this final chapter was great and intense, while the second half was a lot more tender, and in both cases you did an excellent job conveying the proper mood. In fact, the mood and imagery in this story are, I daresay, some of your best yet. Unlike your other works, there was never a time when I felt inclined to call a timeout and ask for an explanation about what was happening. So either your ability to explain the speculative components is getting better, or maybe I'm just getting better at following what you're saying. Either way, that made "Taken in Wrath" a nice little side project.
Job well done, good sir.
9/27/2017 c5 Will9035
This chapter was a really, REALLY good one, but the ending left me feeling kind of deflated. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "deus ex machine," before, right? That's what the final three paragraphs seemed to consist of: a god(dess) literally appearing and solving the hero(ine)'s problem for her. I hate to say it, but to have that event conclude a chapter that was gloriously violent and genuinely suspenseful was a little disappointing. Of course, I guess don't know for sure yet that She-of-Divinekind actually WILL save Narse's bacon. Maybe She-of-Divinekind is not the compassionate, loving goddess who Narse thought she was; then Narse would REALLY be a case of "out of the frying pan and into the fire."
The same strong points in your prose are still here: great imagery I particularly liked the line, "For all of the heavens around her, he looked little more than an arrogant fool." That really captured the feel of a relatively tiny person-even a clearly more powerful one-with the universe as a backdrop. And the sacrifice scene was super evocative, and even a little creepy as well.
This chapter was a really, REALLY good one, but the ending left me feeling kind of deflated. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "deus ex machine," before, right? That's what the final three paragraphs seemed to consist of: a god(dess) literally appearing and solving the hero(ine)'s problem for her. I hate to say it, but to have that event conclude a chapter that was gloriously violent and genuinely suspenseful was a little disappointing. Of course, I guess don't know for sure yet that She-of-Divinekind actually WILL save Narse's bacon. Maybe She-of-Divinekind is not the compassionate, loving goddess who Narse thought she was; then Narse would REALLY be a case of "out of the frying pan and into the fire."
The same strong points in your prose are still here: great imagery I particularly liked the line, "For all of the heavens around her, he looked little more than an arrogant fool." That really captured the feel of a relatively tiny person-even a clearly more powerful one-with the universe as a backdrop. And the sacrifice scene was super evocative, and even a little creepy as well.
9/24/2017 c4 Will9035
So...Axel is officially a god? If I read this correctly, he is still technically a mortal, but the Seed protection is preventing him from being ripped apart due to the overpowering nature of the Threads and everything around him? What's more, he now has an entire world (or universe) of people praying to him? So, in a sense, he IS God to a universe, or at least to this one group of people. And all the while, he's trying to get a grasp of Narse. Is that about right?
Now I'm wondering how this little series is going to tie into your other works. Since TSG raised the possibility of a multiverse, perhaps Kyle and the gang (or Salem and the gang) will find themselves in a universe ruled by Axel? That would be quite the crossover that, frankly, I would never in a million years have anticipated.
As always, your prose was spot on. Like I said, I'm "pretty" sure I was able to follow what Axel and Traveller were talking about. And, by association, that means you did a solid job explaining everything to the reader.
That said, I'm still not sure what exactly you have planned for Axel and Narse here. And seeing as how you told me you didn't want it to be "obvious," in one of your recent messages, I get the sense that there is something going on here that I am very much overlooking.
So...Axel is officially a god? If I read this correctly, he is still technically a mortal, but the Seed protection is preventing him from being ripped apart due to the overpowering nature of the Threads and everything around him? What's more, he now has an entire world (or universe) of people praying to him? So, in a sense, he IS God to a universe, or at least to this one group of people. And all the while, he's trying to get a grasp of Narse. Is that about right?
Now I'm wondering how this little series is going to tie into your other works. Since TSG raised the possibility of a multiverse, perhaps Kyle and the gang (or Salem and the gang) will find themselves in a universe ruled by Axel? That would be quite the crossover that, frankly, I would never in a million years have anticipated.
As always, your prose was spot on. Like I said, I'm "pretty" sure I was able to follow what Axel and Traveller were talking about. And, by association, that means you did a solid job explaining everything to the reader.
That said, I'm still not sure what exactly you have planned for Axel and Narse here. And seeing as how you told me you didn't want it to be "obvious," in one of your recent messages, I get the sense that there is something going on here that I am very much overlooking.
9/19/2017 c3 Will9035
Quite the departure from the first time we saw Narse. Rather than killing people and sucking out their Vitality, here she's...being treated as if she's a superior being who's coming was foretold and expected? On a side note, I thought maybe you'd be trying something different and going for a chapter that was completely devoid of dialogue.
I'm not quite sure what to make of this chapter, exactly. Like all your other chapters, it was certainly well-written and I liked the imagery. But I feel like so little happened that I'm wondering what you were building up to. Knowing you I'm sure you've got something in mind, but right now I'm not seeing it. Luckily, as this will only be six chapters long (if I'm remembering what you said correctly) then it won't be too much longer until the connections are apparent.
Quite the departure from the first time we saw Narse. Rather than killing people and sucking out their Vitality, here she's...being treated as if she's a superior being who's coming was foretold and expected? On a side note, I thought maybe you'd be trying something different and going for a chapter that was completely devoid of dialogue.
I'm not quite sure what to make of this chapter, exactly. Like all your other chapters, it was certainly well-written and I liked the imagery. But I feel like so little happened that I'm wondering what you were building up to. Knowing you I'm sure you've got something in mind, but right now I'm not seeing it. Luckily, as this will only be six chapters long (if I'm remembering what you said correctly) then it won't be too much longer until the connections are apparent.
9/14/2017 c2 Will9035
This was certainly a well-written chapter, but boy does it have me asking questions. I'm assuming I'm not supposed to have any idea who/what Axel and Traveler are, aside from the fact that Traveler is an immortal being and teacher who likes to get under others' skin, and Axel is a brash student. And they're in some...extra-universal area? Or some other area that permits them a little "bubble of existence"?
I'm wondering how this ties into the previous chapter, since right now they seem totally unrelated.
This was certainly a well-written chapter, but boy does it have me asking questions. I'm assuming I'm not supposed to have any idea who/what Axel and Traveler are, aside from the fact that Traveler is an immortal being and teacher who likes to get under others' skin, and Axel is a brash student. And they're in some...extra-universal area? Or some other area that permits them a little "bubble of existence"?
I'm wondering how this ties into the previous chapter, since right now they seem totally unrelated.
9/12/2017 c1 Will9035
You're working on two projects at once? Dang, you're ambitious. (Okay, I'm assuming Children of Time has been written for weeks by now and you're just doing touch-ups, but you get my point)
Well, unlike the SG, I think I can actually follow what's happening here. Narse has some special ability (or at least that little blade has some special ability) that allows her to suck the life force-in this case, Vitality-from someone, and she's using it on people who have used it on others...including someone named Amber who Narse was evidently close with. And the others have profited off of this Vitality. Got it! And you explained all of it without any of the clunky exposition that I probably would've resorted to. Good job on that front.
I almost kind of wish this chapter ended at about the 75% mark. By that point, I had no idea who I was supposed to be rooting for. Convention dictated that since the narrative was following Narse, and she was sneaking in somewhere to cause harm to a group of others even though she was largely outnumbered, that Narse would be the hero(ine). But I thought, maybe she wasn't the one I was supposed to be rooting for? Maybe she was actually a thief? Or a wanted killer? Or something else that could have made the other people the good guys. Based on how this chapter concluded, I think it's pretty clear that Narse is who we're supposed to be rooting for, which is still fine by me. (I mean, come on, has the word 'Syndicate' ever applied to a body of people in fiction who are good?...If it has been, I know you'll tell me.)
You're working on two projects at once? Dang, you're ambitious. (Okay, I'm assuming Children of Time has been written for weeks by now and you're just doing touch-ups, but you get my point)
Well, unlike the SG, I think I can actually follow what's happening here. Narse has some special ability (or at least that little blade has some special ability) that allows her to suck the life force-in this case, Vitality-from someone, and she's using it on people who have used it on others...including someone named Amber who Narse was evidently close with. And the others have profited off of this Vitality. Got it! And you explained all of it without any of the clunky exposition that I probably would've resorted to. Good job on that front.
I almost kind of wish this chapter ended at about the 75% mark. By that point, I had no idea who I was supposed to be rooting for. Convention dictated that since the narrative was following Narse, and she was sneaking in somewhere to cause harm to a group of others even though she was largely outnumbered, that Narse would be the hero(ine). But I thought, maybe she wasn't the one I was supposed to be rooting for? Maybe she was actually a thief? Or a wanted killer? Or something else that could have made the other people the good guys. Based on how this chapter concluded, I think it's pretty clear that Narse is who we're supposed to be rooting for, which is still fine by me. (I mean, come on, has the word 'Syndicate' ever applied to a body of people in fiction who are good?...If it has been, I know you'll tell me.)