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10/7/2020 c1 Czar a creeper
原谅我吧,我那美丽的姑娘
看上去我又得和你作别一场
不要问我为什么
我常常在与你情谊缠绵后离你而去
或是为什么
我们从来没有过同床共枕
付出努力却没有回报的感觉
我想人尽皆知
也许我曾零星的提起这些东西
但你对我沉默不语
你的态度也是忽晴忽暗
弄的我好不耐烦
与此同时
你就像一堵高墙
将我困入你的囊中
你难以琢磨的言语
让我坐如针毡
尽管我有时耐不住性子
丢下你不管
但是我心肠柔软
虽然我于曾与其他女人暧昧
但因为你的美是无与伦比的
所以我对你的爱忠贞不渝的
我知道你曾于许多男人有过深交
我承认我也有忘记警告他们的时候
但我发誓只要我发现
我绝不手软
可惜啊
我终究不是一个称职的丈夫
我管不好我自己的女人
我甚至连一个孩子都不如
因为至少它能管好自己的东西
所以最终我选择离开
自私的我仍然会追求那段遗失的爱情
也许这份执着换来的是遥遥无期
但是只要你对我敞开心扉
我就随时回来
10/7/2020 c1 Czar
Hello, I a Chinese and I really want to translate this poem to Chinese make it makes so much sense to me.
2/15/2020 c1 64atalantea
This piece is interesting to me. I liked it that you used a castle as a personification of your love/writing according to your notes. I appreciated how you used that theme when talking about her. But then you also a different theme when referring to the personna's actions towards her. Like The Coby line, trash, trial and error. It created such a contrast between the romantic castle and the worries/humdrum of the modern now.

I think I may try my hand at this mixing.

Keep writing. :)
Ata
11/19/2018 c1 41Specks the Legendary
Dude! Great poem. I rarely read other peoples work because I m pretty busy but, I am glad I read this one :)
6/26/2018 c1 21RainbowPearls
Okay. I'm not sure I exactly got this but let me put it together. You're infatuated with this lovely castle. Right. The doors, windows and the pathways described were cool. After getting a little fresh from my sick state, reading about a place like this, I felt alive a little, so thanks for that. :D
And you said this was written in midst of an exam revision, :P, haha, it happened with me as well sometimes *thumbs up*
6/15/2018 c1 43zanybellecloudo
A romance with writing, a quirky way to look at it. If only the love affair would last, all dreams would be fulfilled. "Yet I always return". That sounds like my history of fictional writing. I smile, because I too leave a trail of trash behind with unfinished stories and some perhaps I should never have started. Very unique and an honest insight. It shows the love/hate/regret/passion of being a writer.
Alas, a true author never forgets the love of writing and will always return to slumber of its wake. ZB.
12/27/2017 c1 4SleepyGoron
This was really good, you are effective with words. I have felt like this before
12/19/2017 c1 26CheddarBrat789
I'm not much of a poetry guy, but I have to say this was a good one. I liked the tone and word-choice you used in this piece, and I'm sure there are several people out there who can relate to the subject matter. My only complaint is this minor error in the tenth line: "I might had said this before, but", which really should be "I might have said this before, but". Aside from that, nice work.
12/19/2017 c1 FictionWriter200
Oh wow. Is it bad I laughed at the beginning? I like this, even though I find it humorous. You should write more of these, you seem to have a knack for these things! Good job!
9/30/2017 c1 9ooff
I feel claustrophobic, someone get me out of here
9/30/2017 c1 25sprinkled clean
I’ll try to be decent in reviewing this, because I was at a loss with what you were comparing the castle to, until your author’s note at the end clarified that it was about writing.

My first reaction was to giggle because of your usage of sexy to describe a castle. It seemed very distinct and unlikely, which influenced the way I was gonna read the rest of your poem; however, after the first three stanzas, it became more serious (although I laughed again at the mistresses part—it seemed clever to think of things that pull you away from ‘writing’ as mistresses), which makes more sense since you were describing your relationship with ‘writing.’ Actually, there is a bit of a flaw for me with this comparison. Are you utilising the castle as your metaphor for writing, or the person within the castle? Because the stanzas where you talked about walls, hallways, windows would equate writing with castle, but I think it would have been better if you personified it more and used a ‘wife’ within the castle as your metaphor; that would make more sense with the mistresses part.

What I thought overall about this was that you yourself as a person seem funny, but because you were writing about something serious, there was a clash between funny and serious. I don’t know what to suggest to make the writing more cohesive in tone, but maybe others won’t think of it as a problem. I would also overall classify this work as an ode.

My favourite part was ‘I am a terrible excuse of a housekeeper, I confess. I should hand the keys to kid Coby down the block for at least he polishes his childhood toys.’ I just found it intriguing and a bit more subtle than the other verses, perhaps because it sounds more like an admission to self than talking to whom this poem is addressed? It’s the only verse without ‘your/you,’ which I found was a good break, and I also like the word housekeeper. It seems like it would be the title I would use if this were my poem.

Happy reviewing!
- sprinkled clean (I need a nickname, any thoughts?)
9/21/2017 c1 retiredaccount1
I'm not a very experienced poet, but I will say that this piece was very interesting to read.

I like your use of depicting the lover as a castle. It is fitting because there are a fair number of aspects common between the two. For example, we seek shelter in a castle, just like we'd seek shelter and the company of a lover. Each one of your stanzas holds some comparison between the two subjects, and after some analysis, one can really begin to see the similarities and why you have chosen this method of conveying your ideas. I especially like how you describe the lover as having a number of passages one can easily be lost in. I feel this is one of the many connections regarding the difficulty of a relationship expressed in this poem.

I am unsure of your intent in having many of your lines continue unhindered to the next, but, the effect it did have was that it felt a little rushed and chaotic but in a good way. I like this because it seems to be a representation of the uncertainty and troubled emotions between the character and the lover. These emotions almost seem to manifest themselves as somewhat disjointed lines, allowing the message you are getting across to be more effective. Again, I'm not certain if this was the intended purpose, but this is the effect it had on me.

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