for Yesterday's Toys7/10/2022 c1 knockmeoffmyfeet
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6/21/2018 c10 
19Ckh
We jump back to the Golden One's POV and we can see that he really doesn't know what to do with Jay. You present his inner conflict very well with your blocks of text here. He cares for Jay but the present Jay is distant from him, making her seem unapproachable .The story has been hinting about Her being the mastermind behind everything that has happened so far and I'm glad that we are getting there soon.
19CkhWe jump back to the Golden One's POV and we can see that he really doesn't know what to do with Jay. You present his inner conflict very well with your blocks of text here. He cares for Jay but the present Jay is distant from him, making her seem unapproachable .The story has been hinting about Her being the mastermind behind everything that has happened so far and I'm glad that we are getting there soon.
6/21/2018 c9 Ckh
Changing Diary to Journal won't work - its starts being cringey when you start off with Dear. No amount of alteration or synonyms will help. Jayyas's personality (or her past self at least) scores points here being believable and reasonably skeptical. Oh man, Earth is screwed up huh.
Okay, admittedly I didn't see the sci-fi tag on this story but it makes sense now. This is one hell of a bomb to drop on us, that the inhabitants on the island are former earth citizens that have lost their memories. What happened to their spaceship then? Was Jayyas in the spaceship the previous chapter? So many questions keep on piling. I see the mystery tag so I await answers at the end.
Changing Diary to Journal won't work - its starts being cringey when you start off with Dear. No amount of alteration or synonyms will help. Jayyas's personality (or her past self at least) scores points here being believable and reasonably skeptical. Oh man, Earth is screwed up huh.
Okay, admittedly I didn't see the sci-fi tag on this story but it makes sense now. This is one hell of a bomb to drop on us, that the inhabitants on the island are former earth citizens that have lost their memories. What happened to their spaceship then? Was Jayyas in the spaceship the previous chapter? So many questions keep on piling. I see the mystery tag so I await answers at the end.
6/21/2018 c8 Ckh
Arc one end! I dunno, something about "end of episode x" is just so satisfying to me - and end like episode one it did. I thought we were past the setup phase but you continue to offer so much intrigue in this world, it felt like we were on still on "episode one" so as to speak. The way futuristic technology is shown in the story hints that maybe the Golden One isn't really so much of a mythological figure than a technologically advanced one or maybe I'm just plain wrong. Either way I rather enjoyed this chapter seeing as its the first time our two main characters collide into one another and I'm eager to see what are the results.
Arc one end! I dunno, something about "end of episode x" is just so satisfying to me - and end like episode one it did. I thought we were past the setup phase but you continue to offer so much intrigue in this world, it felt like we were on still on "episode one" so as to speak. The way futuristic technology is shown in the story hints that maybe the Golden One isn't really so much of a mythological figure than a technologically advanced one or maybe I'm just plain wrong. Either way I rather enjoyed this chapter seeing as its the first time our two main characters collide into one another and I'm eager to see what are the results.
6/21/2018 c7 Ckh
A short chapter that serves perfectly as a transitional chapter. The Golden One is exasperated at being placed in what seems to be an awkward situation and can you blame him? I'm more interested in knowing about his past relationship with Jayyas now - it feels pretty complicated. Unrequited love?
A short chapter that serves perfectly as a transitional chapter. The Golden One is exasperated at being placed in what seems to be an awkward situation and can you blame him? I'm more interested in knowing about his past relationship with Jayyas now - it feels pretty complicated. Unrequited love?
6/21/2018 c6 Ckh
"Lips.
On hers.
Boldly taking possession of her mouth.
"The tip of a tongue.
Breaching her flimsy defences.
Filling every sense.
Obliterating every rational thought"
Very visual imagery here. The slow burn continues, though a blazing hot one. Now that we kinda have some context about the Golden One, its interesting to see how Jayyas reacts to his actions. Her panic is mostly unwarranted, though her fears are very understandable. I don't think anyone would take kindly to being trapped so long in the darkness
And it is revealed that Jayyas and the Golden One...
"Lips.
On hers.
Boldly taking possession of her mouth.
"The tip of a tongue.
Breaching her flimsy defences.
Filling every sense.
Obliterating every rational thought"
Very visual imagery here. The slow burn continues, though a blazing hot one. Now that we kinda have some context about the Golden One, its interesting to see how Jayyas reacts to his actions. Her panic is mostly unwarranted, though her fears are very understandable. I don't think anyone would take kindly to being trapped so long in the darkness
And it is revealed that Jayyas and the Golden One...
6/20/2018 c5 Ckh
A surprising change of POV. So even the golden one isn't aware of the full details regarding the mythical conflict present in the story. Interesting.
I like how you pull off the bait and switch here. We get the impression that the Golden One is some kind of godly figure but honestly he's just like a teenager. An anti-climax to be sure but a welcome one.
A surprising change of POV. So even the golden one isn't aware of the full details regarding the mythical conflict present in the story. Interesting.
I like how you pull off the bait and switch here. We get the impression that the Golden One is some kind of godly figure but honestly he's just like a teenager. An anti-climax to be sure but a welcome one.
6/20/2018 c4 Ckh
"pregnant with possibility" - a lovely line that encapsulates the uncertainty of the situation. I don't think I seen that phrase before (It might be just me) but I love how fitting it is.
Jayyas's wait is finally over though it feels as if its only just begun. You could had used one chapter to show Jayyas being trapped in darkness but you took your time crafting every aspect of the buildup. I appreciate that and I'm waiting to see what you do with the payoff.
"pregnant with possibility" - a lovely line that encapsulates the uncertainty of the situation. I don't think I seen that phrase before (It might be just me) but I love how fitting it is.
Jayyas's wait is finally over though it feels as if its only just begun. You could had used one chapter to show Jayyas being trapped in darkness but you took your time crafting every aspect of the buildup. I appreciate that and I'm waiting to see what you do with the payoff.
6/13/2018 c3 Ckh
We get to hear the perspective of this new character, which might be the person the protagonist was alluding to in chapter one. Fascinating. He (?) seems to have a deep rooted bond with the protagonist, according to how he knows the MC so well, but is compelled to resist and just watch the protagonist get hurt for some reason. What has changed in the dynamics between the two? I look forward to finding out. A great setup that certainly knows how to tease.
We get to hear the perspective of this new character, which might be the person the protagonist was alluding to in chapter one. Fascinating. He (?) seems to have a deep rooted bond with the protagonist, according to how he knows the MC so well, but is compelled to resist and just watch the protagonist get hurt for some reason. What has changed in the dynamics between the two? I look forward to finding out. A great setup that certainly knows how to tease.
6/12/2018 c2 Ckh
Yeah, I definitely reviewed this before. Doesn't matter.
Coming back to this, the opening description is nothing short of stunning and carries true for the rest of your descriptions as well. I don't how you do it, writing with brevity, but I like it. Already this chapter is steeped in lore...I await how everything comes together in the end.
I love how we get a strong sense of our main character from the get go. She (?) hates waiting but her thoughts are so endearing. I have a good impression of this series. I just hope that I can allocate time to read the whole thing and not procrastinate on work and other creations I ought to be reading/watching.
Yeah, I definitely reviewed this before. Doesn't matter.
Coming back to this, the opening description is nothing short of stunning and carries true for the rest of your descriptions as well. I don't how you do it, writing with brevity, but I like it. Already this chapter is steeped in lore...I await how everything comes together in the end.
I love how we get a strong sense of our main character from the get go. She (?) hates waiting but her thoughts are so endearing. I have a good impression of this series. I just hope that I can allocate time to read the whole thing and not procrastinate on work and other creations I ought to be reading/watching.
6/12/2018 c1 Ckh
An impressive opening. If I haven't already read the next chapter, I'll say that this introduction raises quite a fair bit of mystery.
Who is the protagonist and why are they so attached to whoever they are speaking to? Who has the protagonist hurt? The opening is short enough so that not too much is revealed but what's there is intriguing. An effective opening for sure.
An impressive opening. If I haven't already read the next chapter, I'll say that this introduction raises quite a fair bit of mystery.
Who is the protagonist and why are they so attached to whoever they are speaking to? Who has the protagonist hurt? The opening is short enough so that not too much is revealed but what's there is intriguing. An effective opening for sure.
6/3/2018 c16 21RainbowPearls
She seems a little too much cautious and nervous perhaps because she's stayed inside for a good deal of time? Calm down *sighs*
Her sudden reaction/flinching at the chair's legs touching was hilarious.
Nah, you're too tasty Jayyees! ;P
21RainbowPearlsShe seems a little too much cautious and nervous perhaps because she's stayed inside for a good deal of time? Calm down *sighs*
Her sudden reaction/flinching at the chair's legs touching was hilarious.
Nah, you're too tasty Jayyees! ;P
5/29/2018 c14 RainbowPearls
Argh, sorry for the typos:
** staring at her in amusement
**kinda cute scene.
**Maybe nobody liked him, perhaps he wasn't treated good I'm colony. :(
Argh, sorry for the typos:
** staring at her in amusement
**kinda cute scene.
**Maybe nobody liked him, perhaps he wasn't treated good I'm colony. :(
5/31/2018 c15 RainbowPearls
Seriously, I was wondering if I were in the writer's place I'd become a pessimistic person out of boredom and no companion with me. I loved the ending much the way the writer speaks about Alice and The little infatuation over her and perceptions of the name Alice and how kindly she offered to she will stay with through the night shift. That was so sweet and I guess that's the best thing that happened to writer and escaping from the sheer boredom.
Nice chapter~
Seriously, I was wondering if I were in the writer's place I'd become a pessimistic person out of boredom and no companion with me. I loved the ending much the way the writer speaks about Alice and The little infatuation over her and perceptions of the name Alice and how kindly she offered to she will stay with through the night shift. That was so sweet and I guess that's the best thing that happened to writer and escaping from the sheer boredom.
Nice chapter~
5/29/2018 c14 RainbowPearls
Exactly, die at the hands of your best friends. That's pretty upsetting. :(
The start was awesome; she sleeping so adorably and Mach starting at her in amusement. Kinda cure scene. I'm glad that they finally has something called CONVERSATION, and the emotions you displayed were perfect. I was a little disappointed at his words, "I'm better off on my own"
Maybe nobody likes him.
Ah, on the other note it was interesting to know that the previous Golden One was a 'She'.
**chuckles**
Exactly, die at the hands of your best friends. That's pretty upsetting. :(
The start was awesome; she sleeping so adorably and Mach starting at her in amusement. Kinda cure scene. I'm glad that they finally has something called CONVERSATION, and the emotions you displayed were perfect. I was a little disappointed at his words, "I'm better off on my own"
Maybe nobody likes him.
Ah, on the other note it was interesting to know that the previous Golden One was a 'She'.
**chuckles**