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for The Descent

9/9/2022 c1 JaveHarron
A pretty dialogue heavy story, but an interesting premise. I feel the set up was solid, but a bit more vivid language could really make the scene come alive. You have a lot of fascinating concepts, and adding some more metaphors and similes could really make them shine. Curious if you ever expanded on this.
9/15/2021 c1 10TamariMizu
Hi DZ,

Very interesting concept. I hope you don't take offense, but I get the weird vibe that this tale is the deluded perception of a mentally ill and severely bullied high school boy who has a psychotic break. He arms himself with a knife and hunts down his cruel tormentors from his class to extract payback. He is too sick to see he is not a fantasy world at all in reality.

I know it might be completely different from your intended concept, but that is what I see. A very tragic tale no matter the particulars.

A very cool if depressing read,

4/13/2021 c1 mssarahadams057
Awesome story you got here! I like how the plot is going. If you have some great stories like this one, you can publish it on NovelStar, just submit
2/25/2020 c1 3Ser Quicksand
I have to say that I really enjoyed the concept and idea you have here. As well, the notion that not just he, but us as the readers aren't quite sure what is and isn't real, is a nice thing to go for. We're left unsure of who or what to trust, and how much, if any of it we're supposed to be taking at face value. However, if I was to give a criticism, it would be that sometimes the language and wording you use can come across as a little bit repetitive at times? I get what you're going for, however it can stand out to people if the start of a number of paragraphs and sentences in a row use the same word or two (for instance, I noticed an occasion where I believe four or five new paragraphs in a row out of six began with 'the man'). With that being said, I feel as if it's something you'll only improve on and get past in time if you stick with it in writing, so I've got faith. Keep up the good work!
3/18/2019 c1 70BradytheJust

This story has me feeling sad. Sad for this man, who's been manipulated and duped and hurt. I'm sad that he suffered and that he gave up and became the evil inside of him. If there's any happiness at all, I hope that he at least gets revenge on those who hurt him.

Great story, and keep it up.
2/16/2019 c1 57Nerissa-McC
Overall the story is interesting, though it's a bit hard to follow in parts. I'm not sure what's happening or why the man is in this place to begin with, but I felt sorry for him when those other people appeared and started mocking him. The ending is pretty ominous, even though it's vague.

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