Just In
for Hero

3/24/2018 c1 Will9035
I started off really liking this story and the environment you set up, but as it went on I became less and less enthused by it. But I'll start with the good: the entire first half of the story was very well-written. I was so easily able to get into the heads of Elli and her family. They acted the way I think most people would if a calamity (in this case, a demon) were stopped after years and years in their hometown. Even more so, the way they cared for Ari and the way they acted around her was very natural as well. Most impressively of all, you were able to give a satisfactory telling of the village's backstory and how Uz had terrorized it before Ari came along. I got a great sense of the village's isolationism and the sense of fear its people had over Uz, without you having to beat it over our heads.

But once Ari gave Elli her call to adventure, things started to get a little iffy. This isn't a huge deal, but I don't see why you had to make this into an inter-galactic tale rather than just a stranger coming along from elsewhere and slaying the demon. I also thought Elli's stepping up was too sudden. She went from being this fairly quiet, almost meek girl, to suddenly taking charge, defying her parents, and thirsting for adventure all in the span of about five minutes. I could go along with that if you'd indicated before that she longed to see new worlds if only that stupid Uz wasn't in the way (barring those times she ignorantly wandered out as a little kid) but I don't think the foundation was there. And finally, I thought the whole thing on "being a hero" was a little heavy-handed and went on for too long.

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