for The Domestic Dragon10/30/2018 c1 Guest
If I were to be honest, I generally don't like following an ongoing story. The suspense becomes unbearable and I tend to find stories boring if they drag on too much. After reading your prequel, however, I could not stop myself from reading this one. I did, and I do not regret it.
It is great. This story has so much potential, and I cannot wait until the next update.
The last chapters especially were highly exciting, and I want to learn more about every character's backstory. (You already proved one of my theories wrong, and I could not help creating another one - and if I am right, this story is amazing)
If I were to give a bit of a criticism, I would encourage you to try and develop your mastery of the language. Of course, your current english is very good, but it lacks a bit, in my opinion. It lacks what it takes to change words into expressive writing. (I plead guilty to being a literary device nerd, sorry). Finally, something that lacks in the forst chapters is the link with the war. The first chapter sets up an oppression of the magical community, which disappears for a long time during the long digression of Alenia's love tribulations. Then, the story and the awareness of the war rush back to the front in two chapters (which is frankly a bit offsetting, although very exciting). I think the story would be better if the school community (and by extension the ouside world) did not fade in the background for so long, only to reappear stronger than ever. (It can also be seen as a realisation, both for the reader and Alenia, who have forgotten about it and remember the situation all at once, after the excitement from the wings has gone down. Yet I feel that even then, a sort of reminder for the reader, every now and then, that the school is a prison, would be nice. Then, the reaction from Alenia during the lesson would not seem to srping from nowhere.
And I am OUT.
No, seriously, this story is genius, I just want it to be as perfect as I feel it can be (if that is not too presomptuous).
Now that I know that I have bored every living person in this section, I can proudly say that... I'M OUT!
If I were to be honest, I generally don't like following an ongoing story. The suspense becomes unbearable and I tend to find stories boring if they drag on too much. After reading your prequel, however, I could not stop myself from reading this one. I did, and I do not regret it.
It is great. This story has so much potential, and I cannot wait until the next update.
The last chapters especially were highly exciting, and I want to learn more about every character's backstory. (You already proved one of my theories wrong, and I could not help creating another one - and if I am right, this story is amazing)
If I were to give a bit of a criticism, I would encourage you to try and develop your mastery of the language. Of course, your current english is very good, but it lacks a bit, in my opinion. It lacks what it takes to change words into expressive writing. (I plead guilty to being a literary device nerd, sorry). Finally, something that lacks in the forst chapters is the link with the war. The first chapter sets up an oppression of the magical community, which disappears for a long time during the long digression of Alenia's love tribulations. Then, the story and the awareness of the war rush back to the front in two chapters (which is frankly a bit offsetting, although very exciting). I think the story would be better if the school community (and by extension the ouside world) did not fade in the background for so long, only to reappear stronger than ever. (It can also be seen as a realisation, both for the reader and Alenia, who have forgotten about it and remember the situation all at once, after the excitement from the wings has gone down. Yet I feel that even then, a sort of reminder for the reader, every now and then, that the school is a prison, would be nice. Then, the reaction from Alenia during the lesson would not seem to srping from nowhere.
And I am OUT.
No, seriously, this story is genius, I just want it to be as perfect as I feel it can be (if that is not too presomptuous).
Now that I know that I have bored every living person in this section, I can proudly say that... I'M OUT!