for Slayer Edge8/30/2021 c65 
7historyman101
I know you haven't gotten one of these in a very long time, and a lot has happened between my last weighing in and now, so for the sake of time and length I will confine my opinions to the current cult arc.
Man has this been one wild ride and it's not even over yet. I was dead sure we were going to be following Sol and Klavdia tracking down his mom and answering questions about just who he is, but then they got caught up in a battle with a doomsday cult. I never expected it to go so crazy so fast. And I'm saying that in the best possible way.
I thought this story could get really dark and really bloody but I've never seen it get so dark and bloody as here. We witnessed child abduction, gruesome deaths (RIP Dawn), and now even hints of Sol's true demonic(?) nature coming out. I don't blame either him or Klavdia for getting the hell out of dodge after everything that's happened. I think I would too.
That brings me to something else: this cult is easily the hardest challenge the slayers have faced yet if they could bring down mercenaries and even veterans. I'm still kind of lost as to what their endgoal is, but I'm sure that will be explained when this story returns. Either way, it looks like there are going to be a lot more names added to the casualty list before this arc is over.
Probably my favorite part of this whole arc has been Sol and Klavdia's relationship. I know this isn't really the center of the story, but there was just something so satisfying about them becoming a couple after all the trauma and challenges they overcame. It was overdue but certainly not unearned. Good job with that, and I hope we get to see them actually be a couple. Those kids need a break, if only a temporary one.
I realize things have been quiet here on Fictionpress, which is rather sad, and I guess I'm partly to blame for not being as active on here as I used to be. After all, I only uploaded a story last year, and in all likelihood, it may be my last on this website before migrating to Archive of Our Own. However, I hope that doesn't deter you from finishing this. You have a great story here, one that I really want to see come to a satisfying conclusion.
Take care and I hope you'll come back to this story soon.
-historyman101
7historyman101I know you haven't gotten one of these in a very long time, and a lot has happened between my last weighing in and now, so for the sake of time and length I will confine my opinions to the current cult arc.
Man has this been one wild ride and it's not even over yet. I was dead sure we were going to be following Sol and Klavdia tracking down his mom and answering questions about just who he is, but then they got caught up in a battle with a doomsday cult. I never expected it to go so crazy so fast. And I'm saying that in the best possible way.
I thought this story could get really dark and really bloody but I've never seen it get so dark and bloody as here. We witnessed child abduction, gruesome deaths (RIP Dawn), and now even hints of Sol's true demonic(?) nature coming out. I don't blame either him or Klavdia for getting the hell out of dodge after everything that's happened. I think I would too.
That brings me to something else: this cult is easily the hardest challenge the slayers have faced yet if they could bring down mercenaries and even veterans. I'm still kind of lost as to what their endgoal is, but I'm sure that will be explained when this story returns. Either way, it looks like there are going to be a lot more names added to the casualty list before this arc is over.
Probably my favorite part of this whole arc has been Sol and Klavdia's relationship. I know this isn't really the center of the story, but there was just something so satisfying about them becoming a couple after all the trauma and challenges they overcame. It was overdue but certainly not unearned. Good job with that, and I hope we get to see them actually be a couple. Those kids need a break, if only a temporary one.
I realize things have been quiet here on Fictionpress, which is rather sad, and I guess I'm partly to blame for not being as active on here as I used to be. After all, I only uploaded a story last year, and in all likelihood, it may be my last on this website before migrating to Archive of Our Own. However, I hope that doesn't deter you from finishing this. You have a great story here, one that I really want to see come to a satisfying conclusion.
Take care and I hope you'll come back to this story soon.
-historyman101
1/4/2019 c1 4Lolitroy
That wa chapter.
Anyway, I was entertained. It kind of reminded me of one of those 90's JRPGs. Will continue reading :D
4LolitroyThat wa chapter.
Anyway, I was entertained. It kind of reminded me of one of those 90's JRPGs. Will continue reading :D
12/30/2018 c12 4Unbreakable Ark
Arc 1 was... Well, amazing. Your characters are well thought-out and developed, with Cheng and Kazuto being my two favourites. I also like Mason and look forward to hopefully seeing more of his development. This is so well written that it really feels like all the Shounen classics like One Piece and Hunter X Hunter, which I'm sure is intentional. I'd say your story gives off a HXH vibe more than anything, which is good because it's one of my favourites. I look forward to starting Arc 2!
4Unbreakable ArkArc 1 was... Well, amazing. Your characters are well thought-out and developed, with Cheng and Kazuto being my two favourites. I also like Mason and look forward to hopefully seeing more of his development. This is so well written that it really feels like all the Shounen classics like One Piece and Hunter X Hunter, which I'm sure is intentional. I'd say your story gives off a HXH vibe more than anything, which is good because it's one of my favourites. I look forward to starting Arc 2!
11/10/2018 c1 9Shang
Hmmm... I must say the beginning was a bit off-putting for me. Don't get me wrong: as a whole this chapter was good, but the very beginning - before Sol wakes up - feels like (and sorry for using that awful word) a rip-off from "Kingdom Hearts". While I never played the game I have watched a playthrough of it, so I'm basing this on that, but the similarities seem pretty strong. This is strengthen by the fact that - at least at this time - the dream itself doesn't seem to be relevant to the story at all. We'll see if that changes later on.
That aside the tale is pretty solid; playing with the known shounen formulas such as "One Piece", "Bleach" and the like. I am curious as to where you'll be going with this story as it seems to be drawing inspiration from the more popular shounen titles.
It's hard to say anything about it plotwise yet as we're only introduced to the main character in this chapter; Sol seems okay. He doesn't stand out much for now, but he doesn't have to yet. The next entry is where the tale truly starts, so I'm anxious about what happens next.
Two pieces of advice regarding writing descriptions: first I would advice you watch out for switching tenses; now English isn't my first language, so I normally don't point things out unless they're glaring (and this one wasn't), but I have taken note of this and it is rather easily remedied - see, throughtout the entire chapter you're using past tense form, but during battle you sometimes switch to present tense form (example: "The uncle gripped his spear-lance in slow-motion and quickly lunges down. He pierces [...]"). You should stick with one form or the other - that sort of switch tends to confuse the reader.
The second advice would be to take more time in describing fantastical elements of your setting: for example I'm still not sure whether those bull lions are supposed to be humanoid (there is a mention of a fist) or are they moving on all fours (since both lions and bulls do). I don't feel like the story itself specifies this well enough and even while using a species common to fantasy/sci-fi (like goblins, elves and the like) it pays to give readers more details, since there are various iterations of such creatures (goblins alone have at least 3 variations that I know of).
So far: nice job.
9ShangHmmm... I must say the beginning was a bit off-putting for me. Don't get me wrong: as a whole this chapter was good, but the very beginning - before Sol wakes up - feels like (and sorry for using that awful word) a rip-off from "Kingdom Hearts". While I never played the game I have watched a playthrough of it, so I'm basing this on that, but the similarities seem pretty strong. This is strengthen by the fact that - at least at this time - the dream itself doesn't seem to be relevant to the story at all. We'll see if that changes later on.
That aside the tale is pretty solid; playing with the known shounen formulas such as "One Piece", "Bleach" and the like. I am curious as to where you'll be going with this story as it seems to be drawing inspiration from the more popular shounen titles.
It's hard to say anything about it plotwise yet as we're only introduced to the main character in this chapter; Sol seems okay. He doesn't stand out much for now, but he doesn't have to yet. The next entry is where the tale truly starts, so I'm anxious about what happens next.
Two pieces of advice regarding writing descriptions: first I would advice you watch out for switching tenses; now English isn't my first language, so I normally don't point things out unless they're glaring (and this one wasn't), but I have taken note of this and it is rather easily remedied - see, throughtout the entire chapter you're using past tense form, but during battle you sometimes switch to present tense form (example: "The uncle gripped his spear-lance in slow-motion and quickly lunges down. He pierces [...]"). You should stick with one form or the other - that sort of switch tends to confuse the reader.
The second advice would be to take more time in describing fantastical elements of your setting: for example I'm still not sure whether those bull lions are supposed to be humanoid (there is a mention of a fist) or are they moving on all fours (since both lions and bulls do). I don't feel like the story itself specifies this well enough and even while using a species common to fantasy/sci-fi (like goblins, elves and the like) it pays to give readers more details, since there are various iterations of such creatures (goblins alone have at least 3 variations that I know of).
So far: nice job.
9/6/2018 c12 7historyman101
I have put off a review for a long time, for reasons that I think you know by now. Namely, just being busy with other stuff. However, I do want to give some parting thoughts.
I really love this story, and I can tell how much work you put into it and how much thought you gave it. Everything in it shows. The memorable characters (Klavdia is easily my favorite), the vast world and interesting locales, the lore surrounding the Slayers, all of it exudes careful thought and consideration. It reads like a well-planned action/adventure anime series or a good shounen manga. Man, haven't seen too many of those around lately!
My gripes for the story are very small, mostly just concerning things like grammar and sentence structure. but compared to how well you have written this series and how you are still planning it out, my complaints feel rather like nitpicking. If I could give you just one piece of advice it would just be to look through the chapters again for any spelling or grammatical errors before posting.
I hope we don't have to wait too long for the next arc, because you have my attention in a vice grip.
Well done so far, and I hope to see more.
7historyman101I have put off a review for a long time, for reasons that I think you know by now. Namely, just being busy with other stuff. However, I do want to give some parting thoughts.
I really love this story, and I can tell how much work you put into it and how much thought you gave it. Everything in it shows. The memorable characters (Klavdia is easily my favorite), the vast world and interesting locales, the lore surrounding the Slayers, all of it exudes careful thought and consideration. It reads like a well-planned action/adventure anime series or a good shounen manga. Man, haven't seen too many of those around lately!
My gripes for the story are very small, mostly just concerning things like grammar and sentence structure. but compared to how well you have written this series and how you are still planning it out, my complaints feel rather like nitpicking. If I could give you just one piece of advice it would just be to look through the chapters again for any spelling or grammatical errors before posting.
I hope we don't have to wait too long for the next arc, because you have my attention in a vice grip.
Well done so far, and I hope to see more.
6/18/2018 c4 2JaDeCe
Welp... Thats that.
And the challenge has started leaving our cast falling from an airlift into a deep jungle. I would have died, if not from the fall but because of the wolves.
When the instructor said they were paired in twos with opposite sexes, I already knew who was teamed with who. But its good because each pair already have a connection.
Kladvia and Cheng are my favorite hands down. Not only because they are girls, well yeah that plays a role, but because they can hold their own and dont need any man pulling their hands. They already had to save their male teammates. Haha.
Good chapter friend
Now to get to the rest of the test.
2JaDeCeWelp... Thats that.
And the challenge has started leaving our cast falling from an airlift into a deep jungle. I would have died, if not from the fall but because of the wolves.
When the instructor said they were paired in twos with opposite sexes, I already knew who was teamed with who. But its good because each pair already have a connection.
Kladvia and Cheng are my favorite hands down. Not only because they are girls, well yeah that plays a role, but because they can hold their own and dont need any man pulling their hands. They already had to save their male teammates. Haha.
Good chapter friend
Now to get to the rest of the test.
6/12/2018 c2 JaDeCe
So the whole ship was saved by four teenagers. Talk about badass.
Im liking the new characters. Just now meeting and already have a certain energy around them. I just know that this bunch will make a great team.
The action scenery was good and that Cheng is strong. Ill take her on my team.
Good chapter friend
So the whole ship was saved by four teenagers. Talk about badass.
Im liking the new characters. Just now meeting and already have a certain energy around them. I just know that this bunch will make a great team.
The action scenery was good and that Cheng is strong. Ill take her on my team.
Good chapter friend
6/7/2018 c4 7lirianstar
Wow. I'm getting Hunger games vibes! The examiners don't mess about, do they? At least the mc is good at hunting - and backed with the mysterious Klavdia - I say he stands a good chance.
K&C are so cute! I already ship them!
7lirianstarWow. I'm getting Hunger games vibes! The examiners don't mess about, do they? At least the mc is good at hunting - and backed with the mysterious Klavdia - I say he stands a good chance.
K&C are so cute! I already ship them!
6/7/2018 c3 lirianstar
Well Mason sure was suspicious...Why do I think Sol will be running into him quite a lot?
Well Mason sure was suspicious...Why do I think Sol will be running into him quite a lot?
6/7/2018 c2 lirianstar
So! Sorry I took so long to review!
Well I really enjoyed this chapter. So, Sol's journey had finally kicked off - and potential allies also appeared!
The conversation between Kazuto and Cheng was pretty funny. LOL at the unintended 'grope'. It almost seems like the two pairs are formed - and Klavdia is clearly the most mysterious (maybe the most powerful?) of the bunch.
Let's see what happens!
I wonder what his father was talking about though.
Congrats on your graduation!
So! Sorry I took so long to review!
Well I really enjoyed this chapter. So, Sol's journey had finally kicked off - and potential allies also appeared!
The conversation between Kazuto and Cheng was pretty funny. LOL at the unintended 'grope'. It almost seems like the two pairs are formed - and Klavdia is clearly the most mysterious (maybe the most powerful?) of the bunch.
Let's see what happens!
I wonder what his father was talking about though.
Congrats on your graduation!
5/3/2018 c1 5ArcanePunkster
Sorry for the late review been so busy doing things lately.
Anyway, I got to say when you said it was a long chapter at the beginning I didn't expect it to be this long haha.
I do like the characters so far especially the siblings Sol and Lani, I hope to see the latter in later chapters even if it's not her interacting with her brother. Shame that Rangi died so soon was hoping he'd at least take the boat with Sol to Big Fork City, but oh well can't have everything. Plus really liking those demons you created!
I get the vibe of Final Fantasy inspiration here correct me if I'm wrong.
Anyway look forward to reading more!
5ArcanePunksterSorry for the late review been so busy doing things lately.
Anyway, I got to say when you said it was a long chapter at the beginning I didn't expect it to be this long haha.
I do like the characters so far especially the siblings Sol and Lani, I hope to see the latter in later chapters even if it's not her interacting with her brother. Shame that Rangi died so soon was hoping he'd at least take the boat with Sol to Big Fork City, but oh well can't have everything. Plus really liking those demons you created!
I get the vibe of Final Fantasy inspiration here correct me if I'm wrong.
Anyway look forward to reading more!
4/29/2018 c1 7historyman101
A very nice start, and it's everything a first chapter needs. I'm happy I was able to give you advice on how to structure this. Sol seems like a good main character, with a lot of ambition and just wants to expand his horizons. A classic sheltered character getting the call to adventure.
Although I am a little sad that Sol and his father left on less than friendly terms. At least his mother and sister supported him, if only tacitly.
I do have a few criticisms for you, but most of them are technical (grammar and spelling and the like):
When you describe Lani, you write her as a girl with "cooper brown hair." I can only assume you meant copper brown.
In a couple of places, you refer to Sol's uncle Rangi as Ran. If this is meant as a nickname, it's fine, but it's better to be consistent and use his full name unless it's in spoken dialogue.
Also sometimes you switch between past and present tense when describing the action. For example: "He pierces through a bull lion's chest" and "One of the braver bull lions charged forward, but Rangi merely spins in the air." It's better if you stick with one grammatical tense throughout.
Other than that, a very good start.
7historyman101A very nice start, and it's everything a first chapter needs. I'm happy I was able to give you advice on how to structure this. Sol seems like a good main character, with a lot of ambition and just wants to expand his horizons. A classic sheltered character getting the call to adventure.
Although I am a little sad that Sol and his father left on less than friendly terms. At least his mother and sister supported him, if only tacitly.
I do have a few criticisms for you, but most of them are technical (grammar and spelling and the like):
When you describe Lani, you write her as a girl with "cooper brown hair." I can only assume you meant copper brown.
In a couple of places, you refer to Sol's uncle Rangi as Ran. If this is meant as a nickname, it's fine, but it's better to be consistent and use his full name unless it's in spoken dialogue.
Also sometimes you switch between past and present tense when describing the action. For example: "He pierces through a bull lion's chest" and "One of the braver bull lions charged forward, but Rangi merely spins in the air." It's better if you stick with one grammatical tense throughout.
Other than that, a very good start.
4/27/2018 c1 2JaDeCe
First off, im sorry about your lost. Though i cant relate to the pain you are going through, i understand the hurt of losing a loved one.
And he is off.
I like this. I also liked how it started out with Sol in a dream, then going into another dream. The transition could have been executed better, but it was good either way. It had me believing that he had awoken at first.
Its wild how all of that transpired on his birthday. What a day to remember. But the pain should be his motivation to become the best slayer ever.
I enjoyed the relationship Sol had with his sister. I know she is sad, but hopefully one day she might join her brother. And his dad is an asshole, but i get he only did what he did out of love. He didnt want to see his son go especially where he cant protect him.
This was good and ill definitely be waiting for the start of his new life outside of the island.
2JaDeCeFirst off, im sorry about your lost. Though i cant relate to the pain you are going through, i understand the hurt of losing a loved one.
And he is off.
I like this. I also liked how it started out with Sol in a dream, then going into another dream. The transition could have been executed better, but it was good either way. It had me believing that he had awoken at first.
Its wild how all of that transpired on his birthday. What a day to remember. But the pain should be his motivation to become the best slayer ever.
I enjoyed the relationship Sol had with his sister. I know she is sad, but hopefully one day she might join her brother. And his dad is an asshole, but i get he only did what he did out of love. He didnt want to see his son go especially where he cant protect him.
This was good and ill definitely be waiting for the start of his new life outside of the island.
4/24/2018 c1 7lirianstar
The plot sure is interesting - it's clear how you want the story! The hero with a destiny (as his dream/vision suggested), monsters and the chance to join the 'Slayers'.
Sol's destiny seems fated - and it seems that Rangi wanted him to join him too. Plus the wish to see beyond the normal and the known, and for adventure seem pretty relatable too.
I'm sure great adventures await him! Will be reading on.
Nothing major by way of critique - just that the first part (of the dream) is a little vague - like how the transition from ocean to land takes place. It can be a little clearer.
7lirianstarThe plot sure is interesting - it's clear how you want the story! The hero with a destiny (as his dream/vision suggested), monsters and the chance to join the 'Slayers'.
Sol's destiny seems fated - and it seems that Rangi wanted him to join him too. Plus the wish to see beyond the normal and the known, and for adventure seem pretty relatable too.
I'm sure great adventures await him! Will be reading on.
Nothing major by way of critique - just that the first part (of the dream) is a little vague - like how the transition from ocean to land takes place. It can be a little clearer.