for Falling in love with an idol5/2/2021 c1 Joeson
You're book was recommended by a friend, and he's right in saying this story is awesome. Why don't you try to publish your book in NovelStar to reach out more readers?
You're book was recommended by a friend, and he's right in saying this story is awesome. Why don't you try to publish your book in NovelStar to reach out more readers?
5/27/2018 c1 
11ResonantCrimson
Let me start off by saying the idea of the story is intriguing. An average, everyday guy from Singapore finding love with a Japanese idol? It's something I haven't seen and that alone piques my interest. But the writing leaves a lot to be desired, and there's a lot of cliches.
First: You forget to use capitalization (such as using i instead of I). It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's noticeable enough.
Second: Your grammar needs a major overhaul. It was quite painful to read through this because of how many grammar issues you had. But that doesn't mean you can't improve! I found (for me), the biggest way to improve your grammar capabilities is to read stories written by published authors, or heck, even on sites like here and FanFiction. You'd be surprised at how well some non-published writers write.
Third: Cliches. The way you describe the main character is one of those average, dime a dozen men. I know that was (likely) your intention, but that doesn't mean you can't spice it up a little bit. You could add certain qualities that, while he still is your average guy, could make him so he's not as boring. And I don't mean to say that in a rude sense, but boring characters are one of the biggest turn offs in fiction for quite a number of people.
Fourth: Asking people to follow someone so you'll add another chapter. This is one of THE WORST things to do as a writer. Withholding chapters until you get a certain amount of something (whether this be reviews, follows, favorites, etc) is immature and shows you only care about numbers, not your audience. You could have, say, two reviews by people who legitimately enjoyed the story, but withholding because you didn't get (for instance) five or ten is disrespectful to your readers.
My last piece of advice is to get a beta reader. They can help you immensely with future pieces, from fixing your grammar to spicing up your characters. You just have to be willing to listen. That's the biggest thing regarding an editor - writer collaboration.
All in all, this isn't a bad story by any means, but could use a lot of polishing so it can truly shine. But keep it up! You can only get better the more you write. :)
11ResonantCrimsonLet me start off by saying the idea of the story is intriguing. An average, everyday guy from Singapore finding love with a Japanese idol? It's something I haven't seen and that alone piques my interest. But the writing leaves a lot to be desired, and there's a lot of cliches.
First: You forget to use capitalization (such as using i instead of I). It's not the worst thing in the world, but it's noticeable enough.
Second: Your grammar needs a major overhaul. It was quite painful to read through this because of how many grammar issues you had. But that doesn't mean you can't improve! I found (for me), the biggest way to improve your grammar capabilities is to read stories written by published authors, or heck, even on sites like here and FanFiction. You'd be surprised at how well some non-published writers write.
Third: Cliches. The way you describe the main character is one of those average, dime a dozen men. I know that was (likely) your intention, but that doesn't mean you can't spice it up a little bit. You could add certain qualities that, while he still is your average guy, could make him so he's not as boring. And I don't mean to say that in a rude sense, but boring characters are one of the biggest turn offs in fiction for quite a number of people.
Fourth: Asking people to follow someone so you'll add another chapter. This is one of THE WORST things to do as a writer. Withholding chapters until you get a certain amount of something (whether this be reviews, follows, favorites, etc) is immature and shows you only care about numbers, not your audience. You could have, say, two reviews by people who legitimately enjoyed the story, but withholding because you didn't get (for instance) five or ten is disrespectful to your readers.
My last piece of advice is to get a beta reader. They can help you immensely with future pieces, from fixing your grammar to spicing up your characters. You just have to be willing to listen. That's the biggest thing regarding an editor - writer collaboration.
All in all, this isn't a bad story by any means, but could use a lot of polishing so it can truly shine. But keep it up! You can only get better the more you write. :)
5/25/2018 c1 1CrayzeeBubbles
This was really good! It could use some grammatical re-structuring, so to speak, but I like the story!
1CrayzeeBubblesThis was really good! It could use some grammatical re-structuring, so to speak, but I like the story!
5/22/2018 c1 1dust mote
Interesting experience! I like how you talked about impressions at the beginning, and the whole "nice guy" thing. You had some great sarcastic inner thinking, when you talked about yourself ("Typical life of Jon") and that added to me understanding your character a lot. However, I do think you could work on grammar/spelling, etc.
1dust moteInteresting experience! I like how you talked about impressions at the beginning, and the whole "nice guy" thing. You had some great sarcastic inner thinking, when you talked about yourself ("Typical life of Jon") and that added to me understanding your character a lot. However, I do think you could work on grammar/spelling, etc.