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7/18/2019 c11 19Ckh
Starting on a clean slate, huh? It'll be a long way till I get there. I always get hung up on old ideas I conceive - the ideas I improvise in the present get repurposed in the future. Nothing is ever clean. Everything clean is stored away for later. Pandora's box becomes more predictable with every idea I generate.

I guess it'll be good to sit down on a chair and just write though. I'll probably delete everything in the end, but hey, at least it was something.
7/18/2019 c10 Ckh
Ah, geez, if the persona's heart was her actual parachute, I don't think she'll ever land. The poem feels like its describing obsessive love without actually being obsessive? I mean, most poems of this type usually describe obsessive love as creepy. This just felt...cute? Granted, the imagery in this poem ("screams"..."combust"..."drive me in") might be borderline disturbing, but yeah, its still cute.
7/18/2019 c9 Ckh
The alliteration fits in so naturally, I didn't even notice it was there my first read round. An excellent poem with a great sense of flow; sentences fly by one after another like the passing of a baton. I don't think there was a single awkward moment in the poem. And yeah, internal beauty is always more precious than external beauty, even if external beauty is nice to look at.
7/17/2019 c8 Ckh
"based on a true story" - Oof.

Perhaps living does get in the way of life, but living normally isn't half bad. When you're trapped in the doldrums of everyday life, sometimes you just want to play devil's advocate for everything - including playing devil's advocate for your devil's advocate.

That plane ticket could had been a good meal at a restaurant previously unknown to you. It could be the cost of entry to a local museum. Or maybe Amsterdam goddamn rules and it blows every other country out of the water. (and into space, because space is obviously right beside the waters' horizon)

Do take a few pictures of Amsterdam if you eventually do go. Do it for the non-amsterdamians (?).
7/17/2019 c7 Ckh
"no, on you - crush on you." - Okay, sorry, I'm dead. Too many puns will not kill me, but a single one somehow does. I'm dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead.

A lovely poem. This was fun to read.
4/6/2019 c2 4She Who Loves Pineapples II
I love all the metaphors in this poem. My favorite is “the love we need is a cumulus cloud” and using the image of something that looks solid enough to hold people’s weight. It was a good metaphor for how, love, ideally, should be light but also should be about helping each other.

If I would make one suggestion, it would be to go through and check if every adverb is really necessary. The one that stands out unnecessary is the word “usually” - it kind of ruins the flow and also, “the love I give” sounds more powerful than “the love I usually give.”

Nice work!
7/28/2018 c13 3hanuman1702
AWWW this is such a cute poem! Any particular reason why it's called "staircase"?
7/19/2018 c9 hanuman1702
I love this poem. The only thing I found jarring was the "girl" in the brackets. I think "an empty shell" sounds nicer. It also becomes a more subtle metaphor and those are the best kinds of metaphors :-)
7/18/2018 c1 18Kitsune95
I love the images in this poem - the contrast between a child's imagining and what's closer to reality.

And those last lines are wonderful and quite a familiar feeling, too. Though I'm of the opinion that the world is more interesting at night
7/16/2018 c8 3hanuman1702
"Living gets in the way of life" - truer words have never been said.
7/15/2018 c6 hanuman1702
I think this is my favourite poem so far. The ending was lovely.
7/15/2018 c5 hanuman1702
Hmmm...I'm still deciphering the meaning of this poem. I like the phrases you've used like "man on moonsoil" and "moonshot." Am I right in thinking this is what you're trying to convey: That people in powerful positions are considered to be representative of the rest of the population. They are so drunk on their power that they believe whatever they want is automatically something the rest of the population wants regardless of whether it's true or not.

Does that make sense? I'm not sure how to articulate myself.
7/15/2018 c3 hanuman1702
I love this poem! The repetition of the last line is really quite alluring.
7/15/2018 c6 19Ckh
A powerful poem. The first few stanzas do a decent job at portraying the life of the bullied boy until the ending stanza wraps the whole poem together. More than how good the poem is technically, it bears more weight as a personal message to a certain someone, and that's really meaningful I think. I hope that someone out there can read this poem and feel satisfied at heart. It'll be a real treat. Keep up the good work.
7/12/2018 c5 Ckh
A playful little poem. I'm unsure about what it is trying to convey - how humanity's progress can be met with both optimism and pessimism maybe or how we tend to equate humanity's progress to ours - but its so lighthearted that I dig it anyways.

Side note: "man on moonsoil" just has a nice ring.
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