Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Witches and Dragons

2/10/2019 c3 4She Who Loves Pineapples II
Looks like we’re getting into the action. War Dragon and Peace Dragon were funny - I thought Peace would save them, but nope, she just didn’t approve of War’s methods.
7/30/2018 c2 9Michal Claire
I'm really excited to see this story continue! (and was slightly afraid I wouldn't be able to find it again) I was actually thinking about it the other day, what with Lucille's distinctive (I think that's the correct word(memorable) green skin and being an exciting, sweet and interesting story.
7/30/2018 c2 4She Who Loves Pineapples II
His new step-grandma is nice in her own way. She may not be happy with her daughter’s choices. But she wants what’s best for her. And she doesn’t take anything out on Sammy, knowing he’s blameless

I wonder if She chose not to go to the wedding or if there were magical reasons preventing it.
Quoth continues to be hilarious. His bickering with Lucille is funny too.

The mentions of abuse again raised questions about appropriateness of such matters. I’m not against kids’ books dealing with heavy topics, but I think it required extra caution. Having otherwise-sympathetic characters expressing victim-blaming sentiments is what made it seem most odd. Since I still don’t know the exact age of Sammy, or the target audience, or how the subject will be dealt with later, I’m not going to make any recommendations besides being very careful.
7/20/2018 c1 She Who Loves Pineapples II
Hiya. Here from TRG again.
So, another kids’ story! One question I had while reading was, how old is your protagonist? If he’s snuggling and rubbing noses with his stepmom, that makes me picture a really little kid, four or five. The reading level of this is making me picture that it’s aimed at older kids – maybe seven-year-olds/second-graders, though some of the words in here are a stretch for that age. I just put it through a text analyzer which placed it at anywhere between a 3rd and 6th grade reading level. Most sixth graders wouldn’t be interested in reading about little kids, so really think hard about your target audience and how to appeal to them.
Another suggestion is that I would try putting this in first person – some of the narrative feels a little stilted and I think it would be improved if you were letting the protagonist actually directly talk about how he sees things.
A strength of this story so far is the humor. You have a mild sense of humor throughout the whole thing, which shows up right away in the line, “My stepmom is a witch”, meant completely innocently. I like how the animal characters speak to each other; they’re also quite funny. And the idea of a raven named Quoth is so amusing. It feels like the kind of joke you’d see in a Lemony Snicket book. The humor is great, so definitely keep building on that.
Keep up the good work!

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service