for Insolence12/22/2018 c1 EternalE'lir
This is definitely a powerful beginning. I liked how action-packed it was, and that your descriptions are crisp, resonant and don't interrupt the narrative flow. Your characters were nuanced and easy to relate to.
Considerations for Revision:
-If a line of dialogue is punctuated by a comma, the first word following it usually doesn't have to be capitalized.
-I assumed that the woman in this story was the same one mentioned in the story summary: Eira. if this is so, perhaps make it clearer by using her name at the beginning of the story.
This is definitely a powerful beginning. I liked how action-packed it was, and that your descriptions are crisp, resonant and don't interrupt the narrative flow. Your characters were nuanced and easy to relate to.
Considerations for Revision:
-If a line of dialogue is punctuated by a comma, the first word following it usually doesn't have to be capitalized.
-I assumed that the woman in this story was the same one mentioned in the story summary: Eira. if this is so, perhaps make it clearer by using her name at the beginning of the story.