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for The Sword Of Eseyn

1/7/2019 c5 25Jaya Avendel
The ending is appropriate to the story. I love the fierceness of the battle scenes, and the picture of the prisoners begging for mercy added atmosphere to the image.
1/7/2019 c5 18Sir Scott
I liked Arthurette's forces the most. It was a good adventure.
~Sir Scott
1/4/2019 c1 25Jaya Avendel
I like you how you showed the feelings of the sorceress as she looked at her child, and the events that followed after she made her choice.
1/4/2019 c4 18Sir Scott
Pretty good chapter. I actually felt sorry for the daughter.
~Sir Scott
12/31/2018 c3 25Jaya Avendel
This chapter served as an excellent way to show what the people have been up to after their struggles. Even the duel seemed to be friendly.
12/31/2018 c3 18Sir Scott
Priscilla was a nice addition, so were the dwarves only their appearance was limited.
~Sir Scott
12/26/2018 c2 Sir Scott
Pretty good update. You drop a word here and there, which can make it hard to follow. This chapter had pretty good action. Would the men in this story be in the roles that are traditionally belonging to women?
~Sir Scott
12/25/2018 c2 25Jaya Avendel
You have done a good job of presenting the breaking of the siege in few words but with such words that images come swiftly to mind. I am almost reminded of a book that might hold old histories within it such as this chapter.
12/10/2018 c1 18Sir Scott
It's a pretty good start. I'm glad her stepmother and stepsister accepted her as queen.
~Sir Scott
12/10/2018 c1 1Morrowseer
Love it! It’s exactly the type of fantasy stories I like to read, in my opinion it’s pretty awesome. In other words, I like the plot.

Hmm I should give you some criticism as well I think. You should explain what the characters look like. Now, you don’t have to explain every single person in grate detail as that would be very unnecessary, but you should maybe throw in a thing or two about the main characters’ looks.

Another imaginary problem I found was the scenery. I was having trouble finding out what Arthurette’s home looked like. What does the buildings look like? Is there a wall surrounding the buildings? Is there a giant castle? What is the tournament square exactly and what does it look like? These are questions that should be answered in the text. This imagery helps to flesh out your world and make it seem real.

One last problem was that I found it hard to distinguish who was talking at times. To help with this you should make a new paragraph every time a new person speaks instead of bunching all the speakers together in one paragraph. You should also add more dialogue tags.

That’s about it. Good luck.

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