for Impaled1/14/2020 c5 
14Mislav
Wow. Such a powerful and intense conclusion! I'm glad that Wallachia won the war after all. They paid quite the price though. The battle scenes were very well written, action-packed and bloody. Up until the very end, I wasn't sure if Justina would go ahead and let Dracula turn her into a vampire. I definitely didn't expect her to slit her wrist first. The descrition of Dracula's pale, drained corpse in the casket was especially creepy. Justina's blood sure helped him. You described his bloodlust so well. The love making scene at the end was so erotic and intense, in a dark way. I liked a bit of humor at the conclusion, with the last line. I like how you left it there; enough room for a sequel, but not so much that it is necessary. My favorite parts were: "The wild forest glistened under the high noon sun. The runoff from once snow enshrouded pine trees slushed beneath the treads of Dracula's caravan, making the journey cumbersome as his army marched from Wallachia towards the principality of Muntenia. Justina marveled at the sheer size of Dracula's troops from her seat in the middle carriage. The army stretched as far as her eyes could see, men of various ages clad in darkened armor of chainmail and greaves and wielding everything from swords and spears to spiked clubs and war hammers, each man marching in lockstep towards their destination.
The past three months had been a trying time for Wallachia. Once the smoke had cleared from the sack of Muntenia the race was on to gather the houses of Romania still loyal to prince Dracula. Ravens were sent, troops mobilized and every provision they could spare was given out in preparation for the battle. Justina was still taken aback by the entire ordeal. The prospect of death hung over Wallachia and here they were, marching straight into the storm. The rigors of the past several months seemed to have taken their toll on Dracula as well. The prince sat across from her clad in a cloak of deep vermillion. A hood obscured his face but Justina knew that his countenance was that of a death mask.
In the weeks since Madalina's funeral Dracula's pallor had become paler than snow, dark bruises punctuating the undersides of his sea green eyes. His fragile appearance belied an ever increasing sadistic nature however, one that Justina prayed would be brought to heel until the coming battle. When Turkish ambassadors travelled to Wallachia demanding Dracula's surrender, he ordered their turbans to be nailed to their heads and their bodies sent back to the sultan. It seemed as if Dracula's wrath knew no bounds, he would burn anything that got in his path until there was nothing left.
Not even himself.
The caravan crossed the still thawing Danube River, treads and horse hooves sloshing through the murky waters. Justina stared through the carriages window, beyond the tree line where the still remaining steeples of Muntenia's monasteries loomed. The journey into the ravaged city took them well into the day. The late afternoon sun watched their every movement as they arrived at the cities main gate. The gates were splayed open before Dracula's caravan and Justina was able to take in the immensity of Muntenia and its destruction."
And
"All pretentiousness shattered, Justina fell into Dracula's arms and forced her mouth onto his. The prince kissed her back, their mouths working in perfect synch, slick tongues gliding over one another for purchase. She could taste her blood upon his breath, the iron tinge an aphrodisiac which excited her to no end. Her hands caressed and explored the broad muscles of his back as did his, filling her with an inhibitionless heat no drink could ever match. Lower and lower she went, her hands fumbling with his loincloth until she stripped him bare.
She tore her mouth away from his long enough to stare down at the length of him. She took him in her hand, felt the silken smooth shaft of him swell at her touch. God he was so cold – so was she, but their lust for one another forged a fire so fierce they both burned with a dark ecstasy, a raw, primal desire to consume one another until there was nothing left. She lunged at his throat, placed devilish kisses along the nape of his neck that were hard enough to draw blood. She marveled at the taste of him, the salty yet sweet ruby fluid of life unnaturally cold on her tongue.
Dracula's hand wrapped in her hair and forced her head back, his tongue and soft groans fluttering in her ear as she tugged at his manhood with rhythmic vigor. A smile twisted her mouth. This prince, this killer, and here he was as stricken as a frightened buck at her touch. Not content to be outdone however, Dracula ripped away her tunic dress, exposing the sensuous curves of her naked body. His dark eyes drank in the fullness of her figure like a goblet of blood, strong hands tracing the soft mounds of her breasts.
Dracula seized her by the waist and with startling ease lifted her from her feet and dumped her inside the coffin. Giggling softly, Justina nestled upon the deep velvet finish, his scent washing over her. She splayed her slender ivory legs open, an unspoken invitation. Dracula obliged her. With deliberate grace the prince climbed into the coffin between her legs. Cold flesh pressed against her and even colder lips suckled at her stiffening breast. His mouth left a glistening trail as he went lower and lower until his face rested between the hairless hump of her crotch. His tongue flicked at her swollen bud, sending waves of pleasure so profound throughout her body her moans escaped her in a strangled gasp. Her body clinched instinctively as he worked a finger inside of her, her hand clutching a fist full of his dark hair for dear life, driving his head forward, silently pleading for him to eat away at her until she was devoured.
Once his feast was finished, Dracula rose up and loomed over her, his glistening lips splitting into a smile that revealed his pointed fangs. Justina knew she wore the same expression on her face and suddenly the chamber seemed to grow smaller, the very air itself constricting and candlelight receding from their unholy communion until all that was left was the two of them. Daemons, wraiths…vampyrs. The hardened crown of his manhood caressed her wet folds for moments that stretched into eternity before finally, with a savage thrust Dracula impaled her."
I really enjoyed this. Keep up the great work. You are very talented.
14MislavWow. Such a powerful and intense conclusion! I'm glad that Wallachia won the war after all. They paid quite the price though. The battle scenes were very well written, action-packed and bloody. Up until the very end, I wasn't sure if Justina would go ahead and let Dracula turn her into a vampire. I definitely didn't expect her to slit her wrist first. The descrition of Dracula's pale, drained corpse in the casket was especially creepy. Justina's blood sure helped him. You described his bloodlust so well. The love making scene at the end was so erotic and intense, in a dark way. I liked a bit of humor at the conclusion, with the last line. I like how you left it there; enough room for a sequel, but not so much that it is necessary. My favorite parts were: "The wild forest glistened under the high noon sun. The runoff from once snow enshrouded pine trees slushed beneath the treads of Dracula's caravan, making the journey cumbersome as his army marched from Wallachia towards the principality of Muntenia. Justina marveled at the sheer size of Dracula's troops from her seat in the middle carriage. The army stretched as far as her eyes could see, men of various ages clad in darkened armor of chainmail and greaves and wielding everything from swords and spears to spiked clubs and war hammers, each man marching in lockstep towards their destination.
The past three months had been a trying time for Wallachia. Once the smoke had cleared from the sack of Muntenia the race was on to gather the houses of Romania still loyal to prince Dracula. Ravens were sent, troops mobilized and every provision they could spare was given out in preparation for the battle. Justina was still taken aback by the entire ordeal. The prospect of death hung over Wallachia and here they were, marching straight into the storm. The rigors of the past several months seemed to have taken their toll on Dracula as well. The prince sat across from her clad in a cloak of deep vermillion. A hood obscured his face but Justina knew that his countenance was that of a death mask.
In the weeks since Madalina's funeral Dracula's pallor had become paler than snow, dark bruises punctuating the undersides of his sea green eyes. His fragile appearance belied an ever increasing sadistic nature however, one that Justina prayed would be brought to heel until the coming battle. When Turkish ambassadors travelled to Wallachia demanding Dracula's surrender, he ordered their turbans to be nailed to their heads and their bodies sent back to the sultan. It seemed as if Dracula's wrath knew no bounds, he would burn anything that got in his path until there was nothing left.
Not even himself.
The caravan crossed the still thawing Danube River, treads and horse hooves sloshing through the murky waters. Justina stared through the carriages window, beyond the tree line where the still remaining steeples of Muntenia's monasteries loomed. The journey into the ravaged city took them well into the day. The late afternoon sun watched their every movement as they arrived at the cities main gate. The gates were splayed open before Dracula's caravan and Justina was able to take in the immensity of Muntenia and its destruction."
And
"All pretentiousness shattered, Justina fell into Dracula's arms and forced her mouth onto his. The prince kissed her back, their mouths working in perfect synch, slick tongues gliding over one another for purchase. She could taste her blood upon his breath, the iron tinge an aphrodisiac which excited her to no end. Her hands caressed and explored the broad muscles of his back as did his, filling her with an inhibitionless heat no drink could ever match. Lower and lower she went, her hands fumbling with his loincloth until she stripped him bare.
She tore her mouth away from his long enough to stare down at the length of him. She took him in her hand, felt the silken smooth shaft of him swell at her touch. God he was so cold – so was she, but their lust for one another forged a fire so fierce they both burned with a dark ecstasy, a raw, primal desire to consume one another until there was nothing left. She lunged at his throat, placed devilish kisses along the nape of his neck that were hard enough to draw blood. She marveled at the taste of him, the salty yet sweet ruby fluid of life unnaturally cold on her tongue.
Dracula's hand wrapped in her hair and forced her head back, his tongue and soft groans fluttering in her ear as she tugged at his manhood with rhythmic vigor. A smile twisted her mouth. This prince, this killer, and here he was as stricken as a frightened buck at her touch. Not content to be outdone however, Dracula ripped away her tunic dress, exposing the sensuous curves of her naked body. His dark eyes drank in the fullness of her figure like a goblet of blood, strong hands tracing the soft mounds of her breasts.
Dracula seized her by the waist and with startling ease lifted her from her feet and dumped her inside the coffin. Giggling softly, Justina nestled upon the deep velvet finish, his scent washing over her. She splayed her slender ivory legs open, an unspoken invitation. Dracula obliged her. With deliberate grace the prince climbed into the coffin between her legs. Cold flesh pressed against her and even colder lips suckled at her stiffening breast. His mouth left a glistening trail as he went lower and lower until his face rested between the hairless hump of her crotch. His tongue flicked at her swollen bud, sending waves of pleasure so profound throughout her body her moans escaped her in a strangled gasp. Her body clinched instinctively as he worked a finger inside of her, her hand clutching a fist full of his dark hair for dear life, driving his head forward, silently pleading for him to eat away at her until she was devoured.
Once his feast was finished, Dracula rose up and loomed over her, his glistening lips splitting into a smile that revealed his pointed fangs. Justina knew she wore the same expression on her face and suddenly the chamber seemed to grow smaller, the very air itself constricting and candlelight receding from their unholy communion until all that was left was the two of them. Daemons, wraiths…vampyrs. The hardened crown of his manhood caressed her wet folds for moments that stretched into eternity before finally, with a savage thrust Dracula impaled her."
I really enjoyed this. Keep up the great work. You are very talented.
1/12/2020 c4 Mislav
What an intense and dark chapter. That funeral was beautifully dark and vivid. You described Justina's grief and guilt so well. I didn't expect the war, though I guess that should have been pretty obvious, given what Dracula had done. I figured Justina wouldn't be able to run away, but I didn't expect Dracula to stop her; in a bat form, no less. I'm assuming all of those bats were him. I liked how you described Justina's state pf mind while trying to run away, believable and funny at the same time. The mirror scene was especially intense; and erotic too, at the beginning anyway; while he was undressing her, before the visions started. Very interesting-and creepy, yet sad-insight into Dracula's backstory. The way he started drinking the blood of the bats was especially gruesome, but sad too. I wonder if that experience, combined with all that traumas and growing hatred, corrupted him into becoming a vampire, or was there something more to it. My favorite parts were: "To the south the Carpathian Mountains stretched against the horizon like some colossal, sleeping giant. The frozen Danube river bisected the region into two and nestled on each side were the main principalities of Wallachia, Muntenia and Oltenia. The denizens of Oltenia consisted of the laboring class of Wallachia; artisans, smiths, carpenters, tailors all made their homes in the cramped confines between dog legged alleys and ramshackle abodes. On the other side of the Danube, the people of Muntenia lived a much more luxurious, if not sheltered life. This was where the boyars resided, safely tucked away behind fortified monasteries that were used more so to show their lavish lifestyle rather than religious piety. Beyond the principalities lay the town of Targoviste and a pang of homesickness tugged at Justina's heart. Soon she would be back to work in her clinic, and with the coin promised from Dracula she could finally fix the place up with more provisions and medicines, everything that the townspeople would need. She could finally go back to dancing her nights away in the taverns, round after round of drinks on her. She could even finally wake up to some dashing young lad and instead of parting ways once the hangover wore off, she could build something for herself. A family. A future."
And
"Under the wavering light of the hearth Dracula's eyes shined like pale sea stones, his expression somber. Justina had never met anyone like him, he who possessed the most other worldly of abilities but burdened with grief and loss like any mortal man. Was it a gift? A curse? Ever since she had come to this lonely region of Romania Justina had been plagued by the inexplicable, the rational part of her brain brought to heel and forced to reconcile the fact there was much more to this world than what her medical tomes preached.
"If I am to stay, perhaps I can learn as much as I can about you." Justina said, almost begrudgingly.
The ghost of a smile played across Dracula's lips. "I can show you better than I can tell you."
Dracula gently took her arm and led Justina to the corner of the room where the scrying mirror waited. He stood her before the mirror, his powerful hands resting on her shoulders. How strange she looked, as if her body were encumbered by an invisible weight as she stared at herself and herself alone in the reflection. The room had become awfully hot, rivulets of sweat cascading beneath her furs and her pulse quickening. For a moment Justina could have sworn she heard cannon fire but then realized it was her own rapid fire blood pulse thundering in her ears. An icy whisper of breath in her ear cooled her…excited her.
"Gaze upon the reflection, let your mind's eye see that which you desire and the mirror will reveal all."
As she stared into the enchanted mirror a subtle ripple undulated its surface, like a pebble disturbing a pristine pond. The rippling became fiercer, her reflection twisting and distorting beneath the impossibly seething glass. She could feel her garments being stripped away by the strong hands, but she didn't mind. It was hot as hell in the room.
Icy hands caressed her bare shoulders, the frozen gust of air that was barely a whisper exploding in her ear.
"What do you see?"
The rippling mirror reached a fever pitch, the once still glass frothing and roiling over like boiling water but nary making a sound. The scrying mirror finally coalesced into a reflection not of Justina's stricken form, not of the firelit bedchamber, but of the past itself."
Looking forward to reading more. I wonder how will the war progress, and what will become of Justina and Dracula. I really enjoyed reading this.
What an intense and dark chapter. That funeral was beautifully dark and vivid. You described Justina's grief and guilt so well. I didn't expect the war, though I guess that should have been pretty obvious, given what Dracula had done. I figured Justina wouldn't be able to run away, but I didn't expect Dracula to stop her; in a bat form, no less. I'm assuming all of those bats were him. I liked how you described Justina's state pf mind while trying to run away, believable and funny at the same time. The mirror scene was especially intense; and erotic too, at the beginning anyway; while he was undressing her, before the visions started. Very interesting-and creepy, yet sad-insight into Dracula's backstory. The way he started drinking the blood of the bats was especially gruesome, but sad too. I wonder if that experience, combined with all that traumas and growing hatred, corrupted him into becoming a vampire, or was there something more to it. My favorite parts were: "To the south the Carpathian Mountains stretched against the horizon like some colossal, sleeping giant. The frozen Danube river bisected the region into two and nestled on each side were the main principalities of Wallachia, Muntenia and Oltenia. The denizens of Oltenia consisted of the laboring class of Wallachia; artisans, smiths, carpenters, tailors all made their homes in the cramped confines between dog legged alleys and ramshackle abodes. On the other side of the Danube, the people of Muntenia lived a much more luxurious, if not sheltered life. This was where the boyars resided, safely tucked away behind fortified monasteries that were used more so to show their lavish lifestyle rather than religious piety. Beyond the principalities lay the town of Targoviste and a pang of homesickness tugged at Justina's heart. Soon she would be back to work in her clinic, and with the coin promised from Dracula she could finally fix the place up with more provisions and medicines, everything that the townspeople would need. She could finally go back to dancing her nights away in the taverns, round after round of drinks on her. She could even finally wake up to some dashing young lad and instead of parting ways once the hangover wore off, she could build something for herself. A family. A future."
And
"Under the wavering light of the hearth Dracula's eyes shined like pale sea stones, his expression somber. Justina had never met anyone like him, he who possessed the most other worldly of abilities but burdened with grief and loss like any mortal man. Was it a gift? A curse? Ever since she had come to this lonely region of Romania Justina had been plagued by the inexplicable, the rational part of her brain brought to heel and forced to reconcile the fact there was much more to this world than what her medical tomes preached.
"If I am to stay, perhaps I can learn as much as I can about you." Justina said, almost begrudgingly.
The ghost of a smile played across Dracula's lips. "I can show you better than I can tell you."
Dracula gently took her arm and led Justina to the corner of the room where the scrying mirror waited. He stood her before the mirror, his powerful hands resting on her shoulders. How strange she looked, as if her body were encumbered by an invisible weight as she stared at herself and herself alone in the reflection. The room had become awfully hot, rivulets of sweat cascading beneath her furs and her pulse quickening. For a moment Justina could have sworn she heard cannon fire but then realized it was her own rapid fire blood pulse thundering in her ears. An icy whisper of breath in her ear cooled her…excited her.
"Gaze upon the reflection, let your mind's eye see that which you desire and the mirror will reveal all."
As she stared into the enchanted mirror a subtle ripple undulated its surface, like a pebble disturbing a pristine pond. The rippling became fiercer, her reflection twisting and distorting beneath the impossibly seething glass. She could feel her garments being stripped away by the strong hands, but she didn't mind. It was hot as hell in the room.
Icy hands caressed her bare shoulders, the frozen gust of air that was barely a whisper exploding in her ear.
"What do you see?"
The rippling mirror reached a fever pitch, the once still glass frothing and roiling over like boiling water but nary making a sound. The scrying mirror finally coalesced into a reflection not of Justina's stricken form, not of the firelit bedchamber, but of the past itself."
Looking forward to reading more. I wonder how will the war progress, and what will become of Justina and Dracula. I really enjoyed reading this.
12/31/2019 c3 Mislav
Wow. This chapter was so interesting and intense, and pretty scary too. I didn't think Madalina would be in such a terrible condition. The stake still in her chest, infection spreading through her body... Good job with the gruesome details. The maggot treatment was especially gory. I can tell that Justina is a good doctor, intelligent and committed, doing her best. I wonder was Madalina's vision true. I didn't expect Justina to kill her at the end. The description of her death was especially creepy. I wonder why Justina agreed to that. Maybe she is already strongly attracted to Dracula? Or she figured that Madalina was in too much pain and would be better off dead? Maybe both? I wonder will that servant girl tell Dracula what happened. Probably not. I appreciated the backstory of the servant girls too. Looking forward to reading more. This is one of the best vampire stories I've read on this site.
Wow. This chapter was so interesting and intense, and pretty scary too. I didn't think Madalina would be in such a terrible condition. The stake still in her chest, infection spreading through her body... Good job with the gruesome details. The maggot treatment was especially gory. I can tell that Justina is a good doctor, intelligent and committed, doing her best. I wonder was Madalina's vision true. I didn't expect Justina to kill her at the end. The description of her death was especially creepy. I wonder why Justina agreed to that. Maybe she is already strongly attracted to Dracula? Or she figured that Madalina was in too much pain and would be better off dead? Maybe both? I wonder will that servant girl tell Dracula what happened. Probably not. I appreciated the backstory of the servant girls too. Looking forward to reading more. This is one of the best vampire stories I've read on this site.
12/29/2019 c2 Mislav
Such an intense, dark and intriguing chapter. I especially liked the detail where Justina couldn't see Dracula's deflection in the mirror. Good way of slowly building the vampire lore throughout the story. I like the backstory behind the mirror too. Nice detail with the hot bath. Interesting how Dracula's wife looks a lot like Justina. Makes me wonder about his intentions. Great job with the scene where Justina meets Dracula. There is definitely some sexual tension there. Good description of the food, it "read" delicious. I didn't expect the servant girls the murder Dracula's guests at the dinner table. And the impalement... so gruesome. I got chills reading that. Gory and evil. You described Justina's terror very well. She must have been terrified. The build up to the slaughter was also really well done. The reveal at the end was even more unexpected. My favorite part was: "A large, chestnut colored armoire contained all manner of women's garments and Justina marveled at the precious silks inside. Next to the wardrobe was a stunningly crafted cheval mirror stand, its reflective surface gleaming beneath the candlelight. Justina studied herself in the mirror – the soggy strands of her hair, her sweaty and flushed face, the once priceless cloak that had been gifted to her now tattered in some parts and what even looked like bat droppings caking the scarlet fabric. She looked (and smelled) like she needed a bath. But there was something…off about the reflection. The mirror reflected the smoky glow of the room perfectly of course along with her reflection, and in that reflection, Justina noticed an ever so subtle quivering upon the surface of the mirror. It was so fleeting that for a moment she scarcely believed she saw anything at all, but the more she stared into the polished reflection the more it appeared to ripple like the surface of a pond.
Justina thought herself fatigued, her mind still reeling from the events of the day and imagining stimuli that simply was not there. As she reached a shaking hand out to confirm her suspicions, she could have sworn there was an imprint embedded within the reflection, a phantom image borne not of a weary mind but of something supernatural.
Are those…trees?
"It is beautiful, no?"
With a strangled gasp Justina nearly jumped out of her skin and into the arms of prince Vlad Dracula behind her.
Justina was never a woman to be easily swooned, her standards bordering between how much wine could a man buy her before she found him attractive and how much wine could she drink before she found a man attractive, but prince Dracula had an aura that could haunt even the vainest of hearts. He was as pale as a newly bled corpse, his handsome, aquiline face looked as if it were chiseled out of marble, and his strong jawline and cheeks were clean shaven with a thick mustache punctuating his blood red lips. A cascade of raven dark curls hung from his head and his eyes were orbs of dark green that rested in deep set sockets and regarded Justina with a burning inquisitiveness.
"It was given to me by Carpathian monks years ago during my travels," he continued. "Legend says that the monks would use the mirror in divination rituals to view the world outside of their monastery."
Justina stared at her ashen pale reflection in the mirror. No ripples, no trees, just an ordinary reflection now, though there was something…missing. She turned her attention back to prince Dracula. The man stood a foot taller than her, his stocky build hidden beneath a swirling cloak of crimson much like the one she wore.
When Justina finally calmed herself she said, "Ah- yes, the craftsmanship is quite exquisite."
Dracula's blood red lips parted into a smile that carried all the warmth of a dagger being unsheathed. "Now where are my manners? I doubt you came all this way to admire some blasted mirror." He extended a white, perfectly manicured hand towards Justina. "I am prince Vlad Dracula the Third of Wallachia. It is an honor to make your acquaintance Miss Albescu."
Justina took his hand and was taken aback by the cold, calloused texture of his palm. It was like touching a corpse. Dracula bowed forward and gently kissed her knuckle, his crimson lips ice cold and faint whisper of his breath an icy breeze.
"The honor is all mine," Justina said, skin prickling.
Dracula fixed her with those deep, sea green eyes. He reached his hand towards Justina and for a moment she thought he meant to stroke her cheek with his slender finger, perhaps entwine a strand of her hair and pull her ever so closer –
-only to grasp the frayed silk of her tattered cloak. "I hope your trip here was not too…perilous.""
Looking forward to reading more. You've got a great story going here.
Such an intense, dark and intriguing chapter. I especially liked the detail where Justina couldn't see Dracula's deflection in the mirror. Good way of slowly building the vampire lore throughout the story. I like the backstory behind the mirror too. Nice detail with the hot bath. Interesting how Dracula's wife looks a lot like Justina. Makes me wonder about his intentions. Great job with the scene where Justina meets Dracula. There is definitely some sexual tension there. Good description of the food, it "read" delicious. I didn't expect the servant girls the murder Dracula's guests at the dinner table. And the impalement... so gruesome. I got chills reading that. Gory and evil. You described Justina's terror very well. She must have been terrified. The build up to the slaughter was also really well done. The reveal at the end was even more unexpected. My favorite part was: "A large, chestnut colored armoire contained all manner of women's garments and Justina marveled at the precious silks inside. Next to the wardrobe was a stunningly crafted cheval mirror stand, its reflective surface gleaming beneath the candlelight. Justina studied herself in the mirror – the soggy strands of her hair, her sweaty and flushed face, the once priceless cloak that had been gifted to her now tattered in some parts and what even looked like bat droppings caking the scarlet fabric. She looked (and smelled) like she needed a bath. But there was something…off about the reflection. The mirror reflected the smoky glow of the room perfectly of course along with her reflection, and in that reflection, Justina noticed an ever so subtle quivering upon the surface of the mirror. It was so fleeting that for a moment she scarcely believed she saw anything at all, but the more she stared into the polished reflection the more it appeared to ripple like the surface of a pond.
Justina thought herself fatigued, her mind still reeling from the events of the day and imagining stimuli that simply was not there. As she reached a shaking hand out to confirm her suspicions, she could have sworn there was an imprint embedded within the reflection, a phantom image borne not of a weary mind but of something supernatural.
Are those…trees?
"It is beautiful, no?"
With a strangled gasp Justina nearly jumped out of her skin and into the arms of prince Vlad Dracula behind her.
Justina was never a woman to be easily swooned, her standards bordering between how much wine could a man buy her before she found him attractive and how much wine could she drink before she found a man attractive, but prince Dracula had an aura that could haunt even the vainest of hearts. He was as pale as a newly bled corpse, his handsome, aquiline face looked as if it were chiseled out of marble, and his strong jawline and cheeks were clean shaven with a thick mustache punctuating his blood red lips. A cascade of raven dark curls hung from his head and his eyes were orbs of dark green that rested in deep set sockets and regarded Justina with a burning inquisitiveness.
"It was given to me by Carpathian monks years ago during my travels," he continued. "Legend says that the monks would use the mirror in divination rituals to view the world outside of their monastery."
Justina stared at her ashen pale reflection in the mirror. No ripples, no trees, just an ordinary reflection now, though there was something…missing. She turned her attention back to prince Dracula. The man stood a foot taller than her, his stocky build hidden beneath a swirling cloak of crimson much like the one she wore.
When Justina finally calmed herself she said, "Ah- yes, the craftsmanship is quite exquisite."
Dracula's blood red lips parted into a smile that carried all the warmth of a dagger being unsheathed. "Now where are my manners? I doubt you came all this way to admire some blasted mirror." He extended a white, perfectly manicured hand towards Justina. "I am prince Vlad Dracula the Third of Wallachia. It is an honor to make your acquaintance Miss Albescu."
Justina took his hand and was taken aback by the cold, calloused texture of his palm. It was like touching a corpse. Dracula bowed forward and gently kissed her knuckle, his crimson lips ice cold and faint whisper of his breath an icy breeze.
"The honor is all mine," Justina said, skin prickling.
Dracula fixed her with those deep, sea green eyes. He reached his hand towards Justina and for a moment she thought he meant to stroke her cheek with his slender finger, perhaps entwine a strand of her hair and pull her ever so closer –
-only to grasp the frayed silk of her tattered cloak. "I hope your trip here was not too…perilous.""
Looking forward to reading more. You've got a great story going here.
12/28/2019 c1 Mislav
Great beginning to a very interesting and creepy story. Excellent characterization and attention to details, very well-crafted. I really enjoyed reading it. This is what a good vampire story should be like: dark, vivid, scary, violent and mysterious. The part with the bats was especially disturbing. I didn't expect them to attack Justina and her team, and I definitely didn't expect two of the horses to sustain mortal injuries. The way the drivers killed them to put them out of their misery was particulary chilling, and sad. I especially liked the way you described the bats as: "The sun had bled out into a fiery ember on the slate grey horizon when Justina spotted the many shapes soaring to and fro the icy trees. At first, she thought they were ravens, their ebon bodies seeming born of the encroaching darkness suggested so, but as she looked closer, she could see the sharp angle of their wingspan, follow the smooth path of their glide –" I liked the way you established Justina's character too: highly intelligent and committed to her profession, but still independent and even stubborn. The description of the woods surrounding the castle was both beautiful and grim, it really pulled me into the story. This was an excellent way to end the first chapter: ""Never fear m'lady…we're already here." Justina looked up and followed the drivers gaze beyond the tree line. Dracula's castle loomed ominously atop a tree covered ridge overlooking the forest. Snow and ice clung to the castles broken battlements and wickedly sharp steeples like a thick carapace and no light illuminated from the many tall windows. Justina wondered what secrets lay within the walls of the edifice, what horrors lurked in the many deep shadows of its corridors. She would not have to wait long to find out as they set out on foot to the grounds of Dracula's castle. It was then that Justina noticed the bats did not follow them on their path, the hundreds of molten eyes watching their every step in silence." Looking forward to reading more. I wonder what Justina will discover in Dracula's castle. And did he really ask her to come there in order to treat his wife, or was it just a ruse? I'm hoping to find out in chapter two.
Great beginning to a very interesting and creepy story. Excellent characterization and attention to details, very well-crafted. I really enjoyed reading it. This is what a good vampire story should be like: dark, vivid, scary, violent and mysterious. The part with the bats was especially disturbing. I didn't expect them to attack Justina and her team, and I definitely didn't expect two of the horses to sustain mortal injuries. The way the drivers killed them to put them out of their misery was particulary chilling, and sad. I especially liked the way you described the bats as: "The sun had bled out into a fiery ember on the slate grey horizon when Justina spotted the many shapes soaring to and fro the icy trees. At first, she thought they were ravens, their ebon bodies seeming born of the encroaching darkness suggested so, but as she looked closer, she could see the sharp angle of their wingspan, follow the smooth path of their glide –" I liked the way you established Justina's character too: highly intelligent and committed to her profession, but still independent and even stubborn. The description of the woods surrounding the castle was both beautiful and grim, it really pulled me into the story. This was an excellent way to end the first chapter: ""Never fear m'lady…we're already here." Justina looked up and followed the drivers gaze beyond the tree line. Dracula's castle loomed ominously atop a tree covered ridge overlooking the forest. Snow and ice clung to the castles broken battlements and wickedly sharp steeples like a thick carapace and no light illuminated from the many tall windows. Justina wondered what secrets lay within the walls of the edifice, what horrors lurked in the many deep shadows of its corridors. She would not have to wait long to find out as they set out on foot to the grounds of Dracula's castle. It was then that Justina noticed the bats did not follow them on their path, the hundreds of molten eyes watching their every step in silence." Looking forward to reading more. I wonder what Justina will discover in Dracula's castle. And did he really ask her to come there in order to treat his wife, or was it just a ruse? I'm hoping to find out in chapter two.
10/19/2019 c5 52Electrumquill
I like the descriptions of the forest and the concise way the army is depicted. Dracula becoming more sadistic? I’d say the treatment of the messengers shows he’s about the same as usual.
The attention to scene setting in this is always good, but it’s especially well done in the moment where the breeze carries the scent of decay. Creepy and understated.
It’s good that you paid attention to the details of strategy. The city centre would be a good fisthold of resistance.
Justina’s dream wonderfully demonstrates her view of Dracula. I can see how a character like her could find him impressive at the same time as intimidating. He’s certainly a different type of bloodsucker to the revolting Countess Bathory.
Really good, though brutal descriptions and images of the battle that don’t slow down the pace. My favourite point is the thought you’ve given to how Dracula would fare in a battle. His type of undeath definitely increases his pain threshold. I would have had him grab hold of an enemy’s blade without it doing him much harm.
It is interesting that Dracula should balk at drinking blood, despite everything he has already done and been through, and that he should take this aversion so far that he’s on his last legs when he gives in to the cravings. Perhaps he just doesn’t like the idea of being so dependent on something. One could argue that being a bloodsucker is being parasitic. I personally think that it is to do with his religious upbringing, that he doesn’t want to fully give in to the curse. He doesn’t quite have the ruthless pragmatism that Justina does.
Very vivid and well written details with the kinky climax where Dracula and Justina’s supernatural transformation is entwined with the sex. It’s fine to have kinks. I know I do. Whether or not you knew it, I’m attracted to magical green people and have an interest in masked and disfigured faces. The POV does need to be consistent though. If it is still from Justina’s POV, then she would not think of her own legs as being slender and ivory, she would just think of them as her legs. The gushing details can be reserved for Dracula.
52ElectrumquillI like the descriptions of the forest and the concise way the army is depicted. Dracula becoming more sadistic? I’d say the treatment of the messengers shows he’s about the same as usual.
The attention to scene setting in this is always good, but it’s especially well done in the moment where the breeze carries the scent of decay. Creepy and understated.
It’s good that you paid attention to the details of strategy. The city centre would be a good fisthold of resistance.
Justina’s dream wonderfully demonstrates her view of Dracula. I can see how a character like her could find him impressive at the same time as intimidating. He’s certainly a different type of bloodsucker to the revolting Countess Bathory.
Really good, though brutal descriptions and images of the battle that don’t slow down the pace. My favourite point is the thought you’ve given to how Dracula would fare in a battle. His type of undeath definitely increases his pain threshold. I would have had him grab hold of an enemy’s blade without it doing him much harm.
It is interesting that Dracula should balk at drinking blood, despite everything he has already done and been through, and that he should take this aversion so far that he’s on his last legs when he gives in to the cravings. Perhaps he just doesn’t like the idea of being so dependent on something. One could argue that being a bloodsucker is being parasitic. I personally think that it is to do with his religious upbringing, that he doesn’t want to fully give in to the curse. He doesn’t quite have the ruthless pragmatism that Justina does.
Very vivid and well written details with the kinky climax where Dracula and Justina’s supernatural transformation is entwined with the sex. It’s fine to have kinks. I know I do. Whether or not you knew it, I’m attracted to magical green people and have an interest in masked and disfigured faces. The POV does need to be consistent though. If it is still from Justina’s POV, then she would not think of her own legs as being slender and ivory, she would just think of them as her legs. The gushing details can be reserved for Dracula.
9/14/2019 c4 Electrumquill
The cremation is handled well, and stuff like that can be awkward to work into a novelette. Justina’s sense of guilt is the best aspect, although I appreciate Dracula looking like a giant bat. Now I’m thinking of Professor Snape in Harry Potter!
OK, Dracula offers to release her, then retracts it? It’s a contradiction, but not the craziest thing – Justina is right. War against the Ottoman Empire would certainly have been mad. Their military was unreal! It does make better sense at the end with Dracula’s nihilistic desire for great upheaval to happen so that he can reshape their world.
Nitpick – Justina hasn’t come across as the sort of character who would say ‘aye.’
Justina might well use her womanly charms to persuade the stable boy. She’s certainly very confident about her sexuality. Small correction. That part should read “… to let her abscond with one of the horses.”
Cool entry of Dracula, doing that morphing into bats thing. Although the readers will have guessed he could do it, it is the right time to spring it on Justina. Another shock is just the thing to cow her. My impression is that a culmination of shocks caused her rebellious spirit to break.
Couldn’t Justina have offered Igor a three way with the horse, or am I overthinking this part?
Hang on, what moral code is Dracula referring to? Did Justina fool him about that? It needs to be better established earlier, then. That’s why I prefer the physician in the movie Blade: like Blade himself, she was pretty up front that she didn’t care if she got her hands dirty.
The most effective part of this chapter, and maybe of the entire piece so far, comes at the end with the scenes in the Sultan’s prison cell. A bit harrowing to read. Encapsulates perfectly why this Dracula is the way he is.
The cremation is handled well, and stuff like that can be awkward to work into a novelette. Justina’s sense of guilt is the best aspect, although I appreciate Dracula looking like a giant bat. Now I’m thinking of Professor Snape in Harry Potter!
OK, Dracula offers to release her, then retracts it? It’s a contradiction, but not the craziest thing – Justina is right. War against the Ottoman Empire would certainly have been mad. Their military was unreal! It does make better sense at the end with Dracula’s nihilistic desire for great upheaval to happen so that he can reshape their world.
Nitpick – Justina hasn’t come across as the sort of character who would say ‘aye.’
Justina might well use her womanly charms to persuade the stable boy. She’s certainly very confident about her sexuality. Small correction. That part should read “… to let her abscond with one of the horses.”
Cool entry of Dracula, doing that morphing into bats thing. Although the readers will have guessed he could do it, it is the right time to spring it on Justina. Another shock is just the thing to cow her. My impression is that a culmination of shocks caused her rebellious spirit to break.
Couldn’t Justina have offered Igor a three way with the horse, or am I overthinking this part?
Hang on, what moral code is Dracula referring to? Did Justina fool him about that? It needs to be better established earlier, then. That’s why I prefer the physician in the movie Blade: like Blade himself, she was pretty up front that she didn’t care if she got her hands dirty.
The most effective part of this chapter, and maybe of the entire piece so far, comes at the end with the scenes in the Sultan’s prison cell. A bit harrowing to read. Encapsulates perfectly why this Dracula is the way he is.
9/9/2019 c3 Electrumquill
Justinia’s very bold as this chapter opens, not to mention very particular, ready to defy a dangerous maniac over the Hippocratic Oath. Plenty of real doctors don’t take the Hippocratic Oath very seriously at all.
“Haunting beauty that lay beneath her emaciated form” sounds a bit strange. Maybe change it up a bit. Madalina was impaled? Ohh, I see how Dracula’s yarn about how it happened may be false. But he’s obviously telling the truth when he reveals the bats are his eyes and ears. That had the foreshadowing in chapter one. So now I see why he would choose Justina after seeing her work. A surgeon must have a psychopathic kind of detachment to be able to view a patient objectively, as a lump of meat. I’m not squeamish, but I couldn’t do that. Justina will make a more suitable replacement for Madalina.
Sounds like the scrying mirror has a Mirror of Erised type effect.
I like the details about Bloodwerk. The pieces of the puzzle all fit together now. I agree that vampirism wouldn’t take for everyone. The movie Blade handled this best – remember one of the risks was becoming a wretched zombie instead of a super cool vampire. Madalina was better off than a zombie. At least she had her dignity at the end.
Justinia’s very bold as this chapter opens, not to mention very particular, ready to defy a dangerous maniac over the Hippocratic Oath. Plenty of real doctors don’t take the Hippocratic Oath very seriously at all.
“Haunting beauty that lay beneath her emaciated form” sounds a bit strange. Maybe change it up a bit. Madalina was impaled? Ohh, I see how Dracula’s yarn about how it happened may be false. But he’s obviously telling the truth when he reveals the bats are his eyes and ears. That had the foreshadowing in chapter one. So now I see why he would choose Justina after seeing her work. A surgeon must have a psychopathic kind of detachment to be able to view a patient objectively, as a lump of meat. I’m not squeamish, but I couldn’t do that. Justina will make a more suitable replacement for Madalina.
Sounds like the scrying mirror has a Mirror of Erised type effect.
I like the details about Bloodwerk. The pieces of the puzzle all fit together now. I agree that vampirism wouldn’t take for everyone. The movie Blade handled this best – remember one of the risks was becoming a wretched zombie instead of a super cool vampire. Madalina was better off than a zombie. At least she had her dignity at the end.
9/6/2019 c1 1murrman360
This really sets the mood. While the dark tone is very prevalent, I really appreciate the humor of, 'I shan't go anywhere.' followed by her in the middle of a ride to Vlad's castle. You've set up her character well, too. Her reaction to the horse needing to be put down definitely gave me a better sense of who she is. Kudos~
1murrman360This really sets the mood. While the dark tone is very prevalent, I really appreciate the humor of, 'I shan't go anywhere.' followed by her in the middle of a ride to Vlad's castle. You've set up her character well, too. Her reaction to the horse needing to be put down definitely gave me a better sense of who she is. Kudos~
9/1/2019 c1 6Tahayyur Sufi
The story holds an atmosphere of antique and genuinity. Unlike many dracula/vampire romance stories, it is quite different in presenting the main charecter and the setting. The descriptions are short but captive, capturing the reader's attention and emmersing them in a world of fantasy where icy world lies in the palm of sulking ember sun. The word choice is great but in some passages, more difficult words are put together too closely. Just to make it a tad bit easier to read, they should be placed a litte agape. Other than this, the story is nice, with good pace and smooth flow.
~goodluck on your journey
6Tahayyur SufiThe story holds an atmosphere of antique and genuinity. Unlike many dracula/vampire romance stories, it is quite different in presenting the main charecter and the setting. The descriptions are short but captive, capturing the reader's attention and emmersing them in a world of fantasy where icy world lies in the palm of sulking ember sun. The word choice is great but in some passages, more difficult words are put together too closely. Just to make it a tad bit easier to read, they should be placed a litte agape. Other than this, the story is nice, with good pace and smooth flow.
~goodluck on your journey
8/21/2019 c2 52Electrumquill
Back to Impaled!
I like the sensory details as it opens with the blistering cold and the sensation of warmth, despite the sort of place Justina’s arrived in. Good description of the hall too. I can visualise it.
I suppose it is foreshadowing that Justina looks like Madalina? Interesting mix of imagery with her halo of hair and vicious beauty.
Wow! A magic mirror. But Justina still hasn’t realised something is amiss. It seems that Dracula distracted her.
I see this is a take on Dracula that gives him a dark glamour that Stoker’s version did not have. Charming description: “pale as a newly bled corpse.” The elevated language used in his description is well crafted for the audience I think this is intended for, who go for this brand of supernatural romance. Can’t find fault with it, even though it’s not quite my thing.
Nitpick – a braid is not a pony tail. A pony tail is where the hair is allowed to fall free.
I noted the set up of the freckle faced girls who suddenly shock us by turning out to be cold blooded killers.
A sumptuous description of the feast. I see that Dracula is not averse to garlic in this version, or perhaps he’s not quite undead yet?
You’ve clearly given a lot of thought to the politics with Turkey and Hungary. Well worked in too. This is realistically where the characters would talk about it.
With the somewhat gruesome disposal of Serban, Dracula truly becomes Dracula as far as I’m concerned. Awful as he is, he’s doing what Dracula ought to.
I like Justina’s reaction. Feels authentic.
Hmm. The mystery with Mandalina deepens. What exactly is wrong with her? Is she a vampire? Good cliff hanger.
52ElectrumquillBack to Impaled!
I like the sensory details as it opens with the blistering cold and the sensation of warmth, despite the sort of place Justina’s arrived in. Good description of the hall too. I can visualise it.
I suppose it is foreshadowing that Justina looks like Madalina? Interesting mix of imagery with her halo of hair and vicious beauty.
Wow! A magic mirror. But Justina still hasn’t realised something is amiss. It seems that Dracula distracted her.
I see this is a take on Dracula that gives him a dark glamour that Stoker’s version did not have. Charming description: “pale as a newly bled corpse.” The elevated language used in his description is well crafted for the audience I think this is intended for, who go for this brand of supernatural romance. Can’t find fault with it, even though it’s not quite my thing.
Nitpick – a braid is not a pony tail. A pony tail is where the hair is allowed to fall free.
I noted the set up of the freckle faced girls who suddenly shock us by turning out to be cold blooded killers.
A sumptuous description of the feast. I see that Dracula is not averse to garlic in this version, or perhaps he’s not quite undead yet?
You’ve clearly given a lot of thought to the politics with Turkey and Hungary. Well worked in too. This is realistically where the characters would talk about it.
With the somewhat gruesome disposal of Serban, Dracula truly becomes Dracula as far as I’m concerned. Awful as he is, he’s doing what Dracula ought to.
I like Justina’s reaction. Feels authentic.
Hmm. The mystery with Mandalina deepens. What exactly is wrong with her? Is she a vampire? Good cliff hanger.
8/17/2019 c1 1Constantine 00
He put distance between himself and Stacie, despite longing to stay close to her.
But a beast existed that needed to die.
"Piece of cougar shit. How the hell is a mountain lion even on this ship?" Tucker said in a low tone as he crept.
His heart kept pounding with an overwhelming fury.
"Come on. Come on," he said in a whisper as he neared the corner.
The cougar lunged.
Having come from around the corner, the beast extending its jagged claws towards Tucker.
He pulled the trigger.
While the shotgun blast's noise pierced his ears, Tucker did not stop trembling.
Animal brains and flesh exposed, Tucker panted as he moved the cougar's dying body with his shotgun.
"Thank God. Fucking thank God." Tucker said when he brought the cougar's corpse into the hall it had took steps into, the boy's shoe bottoms littered with the animal's blood.
"Tucker, you okay?" Stacie said, moving into a sprint.
Tucker kept his eyes trained on her as she ran.
When Stacie reached the blood lingering on the floor, her shoe slipped against it, making her fall.
Her hands slammed against the floor, she managed to prevent her face from colliding with the floor, but predator blood adorning a footprint struck her lips.
Trembling in terror, Stacie drunk the blood on accident.
Tucker pumped the shotgun before helping the girl stand. Holding her arm, he said, "You're fine. But we might need to find a bathroom for you to clean your face in."
They found a women's restroom, as if it mattered which restroom you used inside an abandoned ship.
"Thanks for looking out for me." Stacie said when she finished washing her face and mouth, standing near the sink as she kept her coat on.
Holding the shotgun he had used to kill, Tucker said, "You're welcome. I'm just happy knowing Irene might actually be safe. She probably screamed and managed to close a door on the cougar."
"At least that thing is dead." Stacie said before rubbing her stomach through her clothes. "I don't feel so great. My stomach hurts."
"When you get home, find a guy to have sex with. You might feel better." Tucker said, giving a friend's advice.
Stacie groaned. She said, "I think that cougar blood did something to me. I'm so stupid. I just had to swallow it."
"You're not stupid. Carlos is stupid for not telling us why he brought a shotgun. Thank God he did though." Tucker said before shaking his head. "You're smart."
"I'm pathetic and stupid." Stacie said, denying Tucker's compliment. She groaned. "And... I really feel sick. Too sick."
Tucker frowned.
He had the sweltering eagerness to see Irene and wrap his arms around her, but someone in the same room as him needed a hug.
He set his shotgun on the floor, took steps to the spot behind Stacie, wrapped his arms around her.
Stacie brought her hands to Tucker's arms.
He did not stop holding her.
"I'm trying hard to find Irene again, but the girl I want to be with is Jenna. How funny is that? I went away from Jenna to look for Irene." Tucker said, his hair as brown as Stacie's.
He had admitted to longing to have Jenna as the person he hoped to exchange kisses with and marry, but it seemed like a friendship building moment.
Stacie made eye contact with Tucker's reflection. She said, "Please put your eyes on someone else. Jenna might not be a good choice for you. She was in a hurry to get rid of me while she had Devon with her. The smartest thing I ever did was realize she definitely had sex with him not too long ago."
Tucker gritted his teeth.
If Devon's penis had been inside Jenna's sweet pussy, Tucker would have to fight the pressuring desire to blast the Black boy's skull into pieces with the shotgun.
"I'll kill him." Tucker said, not bothering to not hide his thrashing fury.
He held Stacie a bit tighter, as if he longed to cause her death.
Stacie made a pained noise before pressing her hands against her stomach through her clothes. She said, "It really hurts. You need to... have sex with me. Right now."
Tucker furrowed his eyebrows, opened his mouth a bit, his rage fading.
"No. I won't take advantage of you." Tucker said, not mentioning the fact he intended on saving his cock for Jenna's pussy.
But he would deny Stacie's command as best he could.
He did not intend on having sex with Stacie, even if he lived in an reality where Jenna did not exist.
"Friends don't have sex with each other. It's not right. And I wouldn't want to take advantage when we can find a better way to make you feel better." Tucker said before releasing the eighteen-year old girl.
He turned to his shotgun.
"It really hurts!" Stacie said with pain shrouding her voice, though it may have been exaggerated pain.
Tucker shook his head at an slow pace, filled his mind with Jenna.
"I wonder what Jenna would say. She'll be mad. She'll think I was just using you for sex." Tucker said, his eyes trained on his shotgun. "I'm a guy, Stacie. I'll get the blame put on me, regardless of if it was your choice or not."
"I'm bent over the sink, Tucker. It hurts that bad. You... you're not man enough to... fuck me." Stacie said, which made Tucker turn in an swift gesture, as if he heard a gunshot. Stacie had her back arched more than necessary as she remained bent over. She unzipped her coat, dropped it, slammed her palm against her ass through her jeans and panties. "You're a... fucking... pussy."
Tucker gritted his teeth, narrowed his eyes a bit. He said, "And you can barely say a bad fucking word."
The rage thrashed throughout his mind, making him no longer aware Stacie's intention was to make him slam his cock into her pussy until her stomach pain vanished.
He brought his focus to her ass, which seemed to wait.
"A bitch must want to be frustration fucked. That's the only damn signal I hear coming out of your mouth." Tucker said before taking a step closer to the sole female body in the room. His cock remained throbbing, eager to unleash. Tucker patted his hardened cock through his pants, his pupils dilated. "Whore. All you are is a damn whore, Stacie."
He lunged.
When Tucker reached the spot behind Stacie, he gripped her shoulders hard before slamming his clothed cock against her right asscheek.
"I need to hump a bitch, like the dog she is." Tucker said, the breaths slipping out his mouth heavy.
"Hurry up! You... you fucker!" Stacie said, her good girl personality dying with each passing second. "Fucker!"
Tucker bared his teeth, as if he was a dog starving on an street in a Brazilian slum.
He unbuckled Stacie's belt as his heart continued pounding.
After forcing down the girl's jeans and panties, exposing the penis-pleasing pussy to the room, Tucker laughed with glee.
"Damn, Kyle needs to get in another threesome with me." Tucker said in an trembling voice, moving his hands to Stacie's warm ass before letting his palms and fingers roam across her butt. "I'm going to fuck the piss out you."
He stripped out his clothes, dropped them, dropping those shotgun shells in his
1Constantine 00He put distance between himself and Stacie, despite longing to stay close to her.
But a beast existed that needed to die.
"Piece of cougar shit. How the hell is a mountain lion even on this ship?" Tucker said in a low tone as he crept.
His heart kept pounding with an overwhelming fury.
"Come on. Come on," he said in a whisper as he neared the corner.
The cougar lunged.
Having come from around the corner, the beast extending its jagged claws towards Tucker.
He pulled the trigger.
While the shotgun blast's noise pierced his ears, Tucker did not stop trembling.
Animal brains and flesh exposed, Tucker panted as he moved the cougar's dying body with his shotgun.
"Thank God. Fucking thank God." Tucker said when he brought the cougar's corpse into the hall it had took steps into, the boy's shoe bottoms littered with the animal's blood.
"Tucker, you okay?" Stacie said, moving into a sprint.
Tucker kept his eyes trained on her as she ran.
When Stacie reached the blood lingering on the floor, her shoe slipped against it, making her fall.
Her hands slammed against the floor, she managed to prevent her face from colliding with the floor, but predator blood adorning a footprint struck her lips.
Trembling in terror, Stacie drunk the blood on accident.
Tucker pumped the shotgun before helping the girl stand. Holding her arm, he said, "You're fine. But we might need to find a bathroom for you to clean your face in."
They found a women's restroom, as if it mattered which restroom you used inside an abandoned ship.
"Thanks for looking out for me." Stacie said when she finished washing her face and mouth, standing near the sink as she kept her coat on.
Holding the shotgun he had used to kill, Tucker said, "You're welcome. I'm just happy knowing Irene might actually be safe. She probably screamed and managed to close a door on the cougar."
"At least that thing is dead." Stacie said before rubbing her stomach through her clothes. "I don't feel so great. My stomach hurts."
"When you get home, find a guy to have sex with. You might feel better." Tucker said, giving a friend's advice.
Stacie groaned. She said, "I think that cougar blood did something to me. I'm so stupid. I just had to swallow it."
"You're not stupid. Carlos is stupid for not telling us why he brought a shotgun. Thank God he did though." Tucker said before shaking his head. "You're smart."
"I'm pathetic and stupid." Stacie said, denying Tucker's compliment. She groaned. "And... I really feel sick. Too sick."
Tucker frowned.
He had the sweltering eagerness to see Irene and wrap his arms around her, but someone in the same room as him needed a hug.
He set his shotgun on the floor, took steps to the spot behind Stacie, wrapped his arms around her.
Stacie brought her hands to Tucker's arms.
He did not stop holding her.
"I'm trying hard to find Irene again, but the girl I want to be with is Jenna. How funny is that? I went away from Jenna to look for Irene." Tucker said, his hair as brown as Stacie's.
He had admitted to longing to have Jenna as the person he hoped to exchange kisses with and marry, but it seemed like a friendship building moment.
Stacie made eye contact with Tucker's reflection. She said, "Please put your eyes on someone else. Jenna might not be a good choice for you. She was in a hurry to get rid of me while she had Devon with her. The smartest thing I ever did was realize she definitely had sex with him not too long ago."
Tucker gritted his teeth.
If Devon's penis had been inside Jenna's sweet pussy, Tucker would have to fight the pressuring desire to blast the Black boy's skull into pieces with the shotgun.
"I'll kill him." Tucker said, not bothering to not hide his thrashing fury.
He held Stacie a bit tighter, as if he longed to cause her death.
Stacie made a pained noise before pressing her hands against her stomach through her clothes. She said, "It really hurts. You need to... have sex with me. Right now."
Tucker furrowed his eyebrows, opened his mouth a bit, his rage fading.
"No. I won't take advantage of you." Tucker said, not mentioning the fact he intended on saving his cock for Jenna's pussy.
But he would deny Stacie's command as best he could.
He did not intend on having sex with Stacie, even if he lived in an reality where Jenna did not exist.
"Friends don't have sex with each other. It's not right. And I wouldn't want to take advantage when we can find a better way to make you feel better." Tucker said before releasing the eighteen-year old girl.
He turned to his shotgun.
"It really hurts!" Stacie said with pain shrouding her voice, though it may have been exaggerated pain.
Tucker shook his head at an slow pace, filled his mind with Jenna.
"I wonder what Jenna would say. She'll be mad. She'll think I was just using you for sex." Tucker said, his eyes trained on his shotgun. "I'm a guy, Stacie. I'll get the blame put on me, regardless of if it was your choice or not."
"I'm bent over the sink, Tucker. It hurts that bad. You... you're not man enough to... fuck me." Stacie said, which made Tucker turn in an swift gesture, as if he heard a gunshot. Stacie had her back arched more than necessary as she remained bent over. She unzipped her coat, dropped it, slammed her palm against her ass through her jeans and panties. "You're a... fucking... pussy."
Tucker gritted his teeth, narrowed his eyes a bit. He said, "And you can barely say a bad fucking word."
The rage thrashed throughout his mind, making him no longer aware Stacie's intention was to make him slam his cock into her pussy until her stomach pain vanished.
He brought his focus to her ass, which seemed to wait.
"A bitch must want to be frustration fucked. That's the only damn signal I hear coming out of your mouth." Tucker said before taking a step closer to the sole female body in the room. His cock remained throbbing, eager to unleash. Tucker patted his hardened cock through his pants, his pupils dilated. "Whore. All you are is a damn whore, Stacie."
He lunged.
When Tucker reached the spot behind Stacie, he gripped her shoulders hard before slamming his clothed cock against her right asscheek.
"I need to hump a bitch, like the dog she is." Tucker said, the breaths slipping out his mouth heavy.
"Hurry up! You... you fucker!" Stacie said, her good girl personality dying with each passing second. "Fucker!"
Tucker bared his teeth, as if he was a dog starving on an street in a Brazilian slum.
He unbuckled Stacie's belt as his heart continued pounding.
After forcing down the girl's jeans and panties, exposing the penis-pleasing pussy to the room, Tucker laughed with glee.
"Damn, Kyle needs to get in another threesome with me." Tucker said in an trembling voice, moving his hands to Stacie's warm ass before letting his palms and fingers roam across her butt. "I'm going to fuck the piss out you."
He stripped out his clothes, dropped them, dropping those shotgun shells in his
7/17/2019 c1 17Encore19
Wow what a fantastic chapter, great work. I'm a firm believer that the reader needs to be hit with some good, gripping action in the first chapter to hook them in and you've done that. The descriptions and cadence were advanced, showing a mastery in writing. And yes that scene with the bats will stick with me, as I'm not sure I've read or seen anything like it, but I could imagine the sheer multitude of them in their attack so good job with that. In a paragraph where they're being attacked - let me see if I can find it... "Not content to idle through the onslaught..." that paragraph you write 'to' instead of 'too'. Hopefully pointing that out is helpful and not annoying xD Good work.
17Encore19Wow what a fantastic chapter, great work. I'm a firm believer that the reader needs to be hit with some good, gripping action in the first chapter to hook them in and you've done that. The descriptions and cadence were advanced, showing a mastery in writing. And yes that scene with the bats will stick with me, as I'm not sure I've read or seen anything like it, but I could imagine the sheer multitude of them in their attack so good job with that. In a paragraph where they're being attacked - let me see if I can find it... "Not content to idle through the onslaught..." that paragraph you write 'to' instead of 'too'. Hopefully pointing that out is helpful and not annoying xD Good work.
7/11/2019 c3 6She Who Loves Pineapples II
The main thing I found issue with in this chapter is that I found it so difficult to believe Justina would kill her so easily. Like, she stood up to the terrifying Dracula because her convictions of doing no harm were so important. She spent every waking moment for a week completely invested in saving her. And yet she’s suddenly willing to change her mind and kill her because this woman, waking up from a coma and in pain, asks her to? Has she never dealt with patients not in their right minds before? Patients that taunt her or insult her or insist on treatment that’s definitely not in their best interest? It seems like any normal doctor would be like “the patient who just woke up to excruciating pain and being eaten alive by Maggots is in a bad mood and thinks her husband wants her to die; hey let’s let the husband know she’s awake so they can have a chat and give her a minute for the pain meds to sink in.” It was such a sudden 180 and on top of that made so little sense for anyone to behave that way that it took me completely out of the story.
I will say if anything, the effect would be mitigated if she had made any mention of the patient needing to consent to a mercy kill beforehand, but it would still seem extremely sudden to have this happen as it did.
That all said, up to that point it was a great chapter. Your prose is that perfect blend of descriptively creepy and straightforward. The events of the story are original; no cliches in sight and I wasn’t expecting what would happen next. Also, I like the sisters.
6She Who Loves Pineapples IIThe main thing I found issue with in this chapter is that I found it so difficult to believe Justina would kill her so easily. Like, she stood up to the terrifying Dracula because her convictions of doing no harm were so important. She spent every waking moment for a week completely invested in saving her. And yet she’s suddenly willing to change her mind and kill her because this woman, waking up from a coma and in pain, asks her to? Has she never dealt with patients not in their right minds before? Patients that taunt her or insult her or insist on treatment that’s definitely not in their best interest? It seems like any normal doctor would be like “the patient who just woke up to excruciating pain and being eaten alive by Maggots is in a bad mood and thinks her husband wants her to die; hey let’s let the husband know she’s awake so they can have a chat and give her a minute for the pain meds to sink in.” It was such a sudden 180 and on top of that made so little sense for anyone to behave that way that it took me completely out of the story.
I will say if anything, the effect would be mitigated if she had made any mention of the patient needing to consent to a mercy kill beforehand, but it would still seem extremely sudden to have this happen as it did.
That all said, up to that point it was a great chapter. Your prose is that perfect blend of descriptively creepy and straightforward. The events of the story are original; no cliches in sight and I wasn’t expecting what would happen next. Also, I like the sisters.
7/10/2019 c2 1echogirlcapri
This chapter was even creepier than the last, especially the parallels between Justina and Madalina. When she put on Madalina's clothes, I shivered. I have serious suspicions about Dracula's intentions with Justina, especially after reading that part.
I did feel that sometimes the descriptions were a tad too lengthy, and it distracted me a bit from the story. I found myself skimming when I reached several long paragraphs describing the dining room, and it seems like they could be cut down a bit to include only the most important details. However, that might be just a personal preference, since I tend to like character-driven stories more than those focused on setting or vibe.
I like how Dracula came across just creepy at the beginning of this chapter, and we got a hint of how murderous he is through the line about how he didn't care that Justina's drivers died. But then as the chapter continued, he developed until we could witness his brutality firsthand. I'm not going to lie, that last bit about the chair leg killing Serban was almost too much for me to read. Exceedingly barbaric, for sure!
1echogirlcapriThis chapter was even creepier than the last, especially the parallels between Justina and Madalina. When she put on Madalina's clothes, I shivered. I have serious suspicions about Dracula's intentions with Justina, especially after reading that part.
I did feel that sometimes the descriptions were a tad too lengthy, and it distracted me a bit from the story. I found myself skimming when I reached several long paragraphs describing the dining room, and it seems like they could be cut down a bit to include only the most important details. However, that might be just a personal preference, since I tend to like character-driven stories more than those focused on setting or vibe.
I like how Dracula came across just creepy at the beginning of this chapter, and we got a hint of how murderous he is through the line about how he didn't care that Justina's drivers died. But then as the chapter continued, he developed until we could witness his brutality firsthand. I'm not going to lie, that last bit about the chair leg killing Serban was almost too much for me to read. Exceedingly barbaric, for sure!