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for To The World You May Be One but to One You're the World

4/17/2019 c1 18Sir Scott
I remember most of that stuff in the nineties. I would have put a line between the introduction and the narrative. Pretty good start. I hope the baby will be safe in Texas.
~Sir Scott
4/16/2019 c1 E. Thompson
Who’s the narrator of this story? Unsure as to why you used the first-person in the opening paragraph but write the rest in third person, especially when I got to the part about Tarsiss. Who is the narrator that they would know either the Earth part or the space part of the story? You can reword that to maintain consistent use of the same grammatical person depending on the answer if there’s no logical answer.

Additionally, I would try to stay away from outright name-dropping pop culture figures when it serves no real (or at least immediately clear) purpose. Sometimes, being very specific in pop culture references can alienate readers who, in this case, don’t like Nirvana or have a horrid opinion of Mark Wahlberg. Allthough such references may be used to establish the time of your setting, you do so already by opening with: “The year was 1991.”

Ultimately, your story is interesting in its premise. Can’t wait to read more!

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