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for The Good Witch's Quest

12/6/2019 c1 11LittleAlchemist
This seemed perplexing to me and then I read your summary after the chapter. Woah, good one xD At first I wondered if Jemmy had been kidnapped by the "good witch" and she wasn't actually good and give him a cursed necklace because she wanted him but was conflicted cause he had a wife and a new baby. For some reason you had me very suspicious of Gloom, perhaps it's his name and the fact he's an imp and the fact he was introduced in a dark corner. This whole thing reads as very whimsical. It almost feels like it should be predictable, but with that added part you mentioned in your summary... if I were reading more chapters I would really be looking forward to plot twists. But dark ones that don't seem to fit with this fairy-tale nursery-rhyme theme. I really enjoyed the husband and wife's romantic conversation, it was very sweet. And I like that Jemmy is more of a damsel type, only having done one adventure and being a victim/damsel to the women in the story. Good job!
9/19/2019 c4 81Timbo Slice
You do a good job of showing just how twisted Millie is in this chapter. What she lacked in motive she definitely made up for in cleverly devious ways to psychologically abuse Jemmy. Speaking of Jemmy I thought more could have been written to truly convey his helplessness, showing the internal fear of the situation can really help to tighten the suspense of the writing, same thing with the zombie cliffhanger in the first part.

Am I reading too much into it, or is Jemmy thinking what I hope he isn’t thinking of giving Millie? )

A few grammatical errors: “are you goin’ ter by anything or what?” Should be buy not by. “Passers by” should be passerby’s. I’m sure a more suitable synonym for “humiliatingly can be used, it reads kind of clunky
9/13/2019 c3 Timbo Slice
So this story finally sets the wheels rolling on the main plot of the story: the search for Jemmy. Nice touch having them carry magical amulets on themselves and Jemmy to point the heroes in the right direction and the concealment spell is a great reason of showing the amulet can’t be found. I thought you threaded those plot points pretty well within the story. One thing I didn’t get is why would Jemmy risk jumping out of the boat when he saw those creatures in the water. Also this chapter would have been a good place to instill some backstory and motivation for Millie’s abduction of Jemmy but her motives seem vague and somewhat shallow at best
9/7/2019 c2 Timbo Slice
I like the seance part of this chapter, great way to delve into the lore of the witches abilities. As short as his appearance was the notary Zachaire was a compelling character with his smug, know it all demeanor. I can say Tira was equally as compelling. The beginning of the chapter shows her maternal side as she tends to the sick townspeople and you give her clear motivation to being a better witch as she’s trying to impress Willow.
5/5/2019 c1 Timbo Slice
I’ve become so accustomed to your stories over time that they wouldn’t be the same if there wasn’t a green skinned protagonist! I liked the different motifs you use to describe the characters, like warrior, witch and imp, as it helps to ground the story in its fantasy setting that I’m sure you’re going for. I thought it would’ve helped to flesh out the characters and their different dynamics better however, build strong character development and help to forward the plot. Little tidbits about what they’re strengths and weaknesses are, what makes Larissa stand out from Jemmy, maybe seeing Tira conjure spells, things like that to give me of a feel to the characters. Another round of proofreading to catch some small mistakes wouldn’t hurt: “Leo hurried out onto the landing to investigate” when I think you mean Jemmy, and “fusty” breath.

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