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for Tales of Anemoia

4/19/2021 c1 HeyCharles
You're book was recommended by a friend, and he's right in saying this story is awesome. Why don't you try to join NovelStar's writing contest?
2/8/2020 c2 20Ckh
I actually read this a few months back but I didn't know what to say lul. So I'm just going to rapid fire a salvo of spare thoughts right now.

- I liked that the tiger was actually a cat. Aside being a comical reveal, it also doubles as a reminder for Sera's ignorance of our good old planet earth. I wonder if she thinks guppies are sharks.

- You maintain a good flow through the chapter, like your previous one.

- Your dialogue fit in well with the lighthearted atmosphere you're going for.

- A line I liked: "...You were aware of the of this animal the whole time and you didn't even stop me from going down to the lobby to get lunch?" Too bad I can't ctrl v in FP.

- Sera's first person perspective still works well.

And there you have it, my rapid fire salvo.
10/18/2019 c1 3kittybear
You have a nice, casual writing style and a fun approach to world-building! I felt some of the humor took a little too long to punch, but for the most part it was a good, funny read!
7/30/2019 c1 DhuryamDhuryam
This was great work. You're very good at writing in the first person. The narration reminds me of one
of those movies narrated by the main character, where said character talks to the viewer/reader. The interactions between Sera and her father felt very real.
I enjoyed the humor sprinkled throughout. You made space travel seem rather mundane, in a good way. It show the future's only exciting until it happens. You also described the shuttle as 'metal tube' or 'metal coffin of transport'. I understand not putting too much stuff into a shuttle. But no cup holders? You have a very dark view of the future. Funniest of all was when Sera learned what's really in a hot dog (please never tell me). Not saying what's in them is a good move. The queasier readers don't get traumatized, while others can let their imaginations run wild.
7/25/2019 c1 20Ckh
An excellent first chapter. Your first few lines sets the tone for the story; We're in for a ride with a wisecracking girl whose hate for earth is only matched by her love of using metaphors liberally. That's main character material for me.

I found that the exposition was well disguised. Information like there being Zero-G basketball in Sera's home planet is cleverly sandwiched between jokes, which makes it easy to digest. I how what bad Earth really is. I imagine it to be wall-e esque, the difference being that your earth is slightly more livable.

One minor gripe I had while reading this chapter was that the fusion of past and present tense don't jell together at times. Most of the time, the chapter flows naturally, but specific lines like "...when I cross my arms and challenge him..." seem awkward and break immersion. I'm not one to belabour on about technical details so I can't provide much help here. A few sentences are also a little clunky, though the majority of the chapter is a treat to read. And I'm not sugarcoating anything when I mean 'treat'.

Overall, this was a solid first chapter. I'm Looking forward to reading more.
7/23/2019 c1 CausticMisery
Hi there, I took a bit of a glance at your story. Good prologue chapter, I must say. You really worked on the semantics of the opening lines. The way our protagonist wisecracks about it; such as with the word "roots", really makes for a pleasurable read.

This story's got me hooked. The worldbuilding is written in such great exposition that it never feels boring to read. We can tell you did your homework when it came to immerse us; Sera's different way of calling certain things, the Zero-G basketball, physical entertainment being rare etc. This is a setting I believe could be real.

When it comes to Sera herself, I already find myself liking her pretty much. Her inner dialogue has such a distinct flavor to it that perfectly reflects her curious and blunt personality.

Pretty funny ending lines if I do say so myself. Well, you've got quite the interesting tale here, I hope you continue it.

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