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8/8/2019 c1 43zanybellecloudo
Your writing is very natural and reads extremely easily. I felt at ease with all characters quickly (particularly Kurt) and enjoyed the snippets of humour and real-life qualms - all of which is difficult to achieve in such an honest and light way so don't undersell yourself.

Of course, the story goes deeper than that. At times, I felt, this could be a screenplay. At other times, I felt it could be developed into a full story with the character of Kurt and his seeming miracle. On that note, the ending should be given more focus. What is this 'light' like, described it more, what did it feel like? You switch from Bernie's pov back to Kurt so we don't really get a full sense of it. It feels like he was transported away from Bernie's line of fire, and used the 'light' to 'kill' Bernie. I would dedicate at least three more paragraphs to the ending alone.

Overall, the story is written well and I would continue to read the after-effect as I enjoyed the writing style and concept. Thanks for sharing your work.

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