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6/26 c4 7Grimnir Esjay
okay so, I'm going to start with the Important Parts:
Welp I'm loving the interactions between Roku and Namie. Let's see to start with we have their usual banter where Namie teases him after mistaking Hachi's foot fetish for his own only for him to end up explaining that he is in fact into Thighs which then ends up with him pointing out that his personal favorite are her shorts and socks resulting in a very much adorable reaction towards him after that.
Second is that there's this hints that when Roku took a nap, Namie slept next to him despite their bickerings and insults with one another giving this a 'show don't tell' factor into their relationship (as well as the image of him sleeping on her lap while she plays videogames and eventually falling asleep).
However what I didn't like was in fact the cliffhanger, mainly the sudden implication that Namie had been shot. To which I would hope that A.) she doesn't die early much like what happened to Nina in Finding Purpose and B.) Turn into a semi-sentient Zombie that follows Roku around cause that's just Necrophilia (plus I doubt Roku will enjoy fondling cold dead thighs in contrast to living ones).

Right, that had to be done, now onwards to the Analysis.

I'm surprised that in just two days into the Zombie Apocalypse, there are already psychos who are just running around killing everyone Human or Zombie alike unless that was a typo which also checks out. Also, it's quite concerning regarding the smoke on the horizon, I'm curious if whether or not the Military decided to just burn and level the place down with fire and explosives instead as a way of 'thinning the herd' with a lack of a better term.

Either way, Great chapter, going to look forward to the next one soon.
4/30 c3 Grimnir Esjay
Phew finally got the chance to read this chapter.

First and foremost I like the new additions in the Narration it's a lot more smoother than before and much easier to read.

Second, being the pathetic shipper that I am I will gladly point out that the romantic tension between Roku and Nana is very obvious, I like the touch where the two would compete on almost everything and I'm honestly not surprised that at least some of their surviving classmates think that the two are attracted to one another.

Third, is that small mention on Hachi's possible girlfriend I can't help but wonder if she'll appear or if she's already dead, then again if they were to find Hoshimi's older sister I wouldn't be surprised that Hachi would have at the very least some ship teasing as well to balance out the one between Roku and Nana.

Fourth, yeah it's quite suspicious on the lack of both Military and the large amount of Zombies within the area. As far as my knowledge on Zombie films and shows go we might have the worst case scenario on our hands which is in fact that the mentioned Evacuation Center is in fact overrun and all the Zombies that they've found are in fact the survivors. In that case I'm worried about their classmates who took the bus to that Evac Center.

That being said I'm glad you got around and uploaded this chapter, I'll look forward to the next chapter.
2/10 c1 9Shang
Okay; got some time - figured I'll R&R a bit. I didn't go for "Finding Purpose..." as it kinda seems there's been changed to the previous chapters of the story and that would require me to re-read before reaching the moment I left off and I don't have the time for that now.

Anyways: I'm not a huge fan of Zombie Apocalypse stuff... such tales can be interesting, character studies to be sure, but commonly these stories have a hard time standing out, because the premise itself has not only been done "to death" (heh - pun :D) in recent years, but also how unique can you be with this? Zombies never struck me as a really danger since they are slow and their only, actual strength is in numbers since a single zombie is commonly dispatched quickly and easily by an ARMED human, but maybe you'll attempt to change this view. We shall see.

There are quite a few grammar and stylistic mistakes (like using "was" in stead of "were" an vice versa) which do push me to advice a proof-read because while I'm not exactly the one to point out mistakes if they're not major, this felt like there's a lot and many being on basics I believe.

A also had a bit of a problem with narration; I think I've mentioned this with "Finding Purpose...", but I feel like you're trying too hard to relay to us the characters' trail of thoughts and not enough about their emotion (in this type of story - as in Zombie Apocalypse - I think it should be the opposite). One of examples would be when Hachi and Roku were choosing their destination: cafeteria or storage room. They went with the latter which is fine and - in my opinion - makes perfect sense regardless to the situation, so when you go in detail about why they did that you were losing me a bit.
It didn't help that the way you approached this was passive: if you would have Hachi and Roku discuss where to go first and each making their argument, it probably would've worked, but using narration for it felt kinda dry like you were just "reading a news report" rather than invoke emotions in readers.
Also a bit more descriptions regarding their surroundings might help. You could even use these to shape the atmosphere with making the spaces tighter for giving readers extra anxiety that there's little room to escape and the like.

I also have mixed feelings about the scene with Namie and Roku when she's just set on bashing his face in; I know manga accepts humor even in dire situations, so there is some leniency there, but this felt way over the top, given the situation; as I understand it's just the second day of the apocalypse, the state the world is in right now isn't the norm yet so as students trapped in such a predicament, they should be terrified and insecure, yet I don't sense that from either of the three at all if they casually "kill" zombies and Nana is so self-assured that she's willing to risk all their lives because of a stupid comment that wasn't even that offensive, especially since "she started it".

Now the second half of the chapter seemed better and I would advice that to be the direction you want to take: the trio leaving the students and than basically sacrificing another when he put them in danger... it's the kind of morally grey choices that are a stample of Zombie Apocalypse stories and are meant to be used for character studies. In that regard it is GREAT that Roku felt guilt, albeit he did seem to let go of it fairly easy and seemed to be more distrout about tossing this Youko girl's (which he barely knew) than actually being - pretty much - directly responsible for a person's death. It is not something an average person should be able to brush aside that quickly. At later point of the story, when the protagonists get used to zombies and making such choices - sure, but at the start this is all new to them and - I think - they should act accordingly.

If you wanna keep this story "grounded" than I do believe what I wrote above merits consideration. If it is meant to be more of an action story (in vain of my titles on this site) than it's more acceptable.

On the plus side Roku and Hachi's dynamic is pretty good and I do believe you have the setting done right, you just need to utilize it. I do wonder where this will go from here.

Sorry this turned out rather negative in the end, but I do believe this can be a strong story (despite the premise ;)). It's just the type of story that do require more attention to detail than most "shounen" styled tales.
1/18 c2 7Grimnir Esjay
Oof finally a new chapter is out, the starts itself makes a nice little callback to the previous chapter as well. And I find it slightly amusing that of all the people that Roku had brought along on his group it had to be the one he least gets along with.

Also the two certainly have their priorities straight.
10/6/2019 c1 17cud-b-better
Well you drew my attention with the words Zombie Apocalypse. Not a bad start. Quite like the choice of sacrificing the student that endangered them. He let the guilt go really easily though. But I think it could do with a bit of a look over in terms of wording and typos. I think that some of the writing is also too passive, and a bit wordy. My thought is that you should try to go for as much content with the least amount of words. First I would try restructuring your sentences so the subject is at the start of it for example:

head of the creature - creature's head

Anyway I'll put down some of the typos/errors I noticed although I decided to give up on it part way through.

They have slept in this place so they hadn't [have] the chance to change clothes - [had]

We have to think [for] our next destination - [about]

Roku held [the] knob - [missed out]

It took [as] second for Hachi to get - [a]

considerable [distanced] between them [each other] on the stairway - [distance] [don't need this part]

Roku silently approached [side of zombie] - [the zombie's side]

Now [we do] head first? - [where do we]

The two target location was in the opposite direction of the other - The two target locations were in opposite directions

the cafeteria [has] more zombies - [had]

all the students in this school that Roku saw who survived were himself, Hachi, and one other person - Other than Hachi and himself, Roku only knew of one more survivor

Better try doing it not too obviously next time - I'll try not to be too obvious next time.

Well I hope this helps, the content of the story itself however was pretty entertaining.
8/27/2019 c1 4BrotherDan
I like the dynamic created between Roku and Hachi. Roku seems like a smart character and Hachi seems somewhat carefree. I like the balance of dialogue between the two. I also think Nana is an exciting and interesting character, I like how she handles zombies.

I also really like the atmosphere of the setting that you've set up here. The idea of zombies that can only hear is very unique and adds an exhilarating twist to the plot. How will they maneuver through the story knowing that silence is a key to survival? It's very interesting.

While I understand this is one of your first attempts at 3rd-person limited perspective, I found some sections muddled. I think the story would work best told from 3rd-person character perspectives, like for this chapter, 3rd-person with focus on Roku. But that's just my opinion. I would also say, be mindful of your grammar, sometimes the tense changes in your sentences and it breaks the word flow.

Overall this is really interesting and I'm looking forward to what comes next.

Check out my story Drugstore Cowboy if you have the time, I'd appreciate the feedback from a fellow writer of the supernatural.
8/19/2019 c1 7Grimnir Esjay
To be honest this is the first Zombie Apocalypse Story (and now it's giving me some crazy ideas now great...) Roku and Hachi give me this Shaun of the Dead vibes from the two, to be honest. But that aside from the premise of them just surviving is pretty neat, looks like I have more stories to look forward to.

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