for Amorette's Offenses7/29/2020 c16 Kuzhali
Enjoyable read
Enjoyable read
2/6/2020 c15 Guest
Amorette is getting a little tiring, I am not sure why. Maybe it is necessary for the entire series to flesh out some of these parts. The beginning of series was very fun though. Maybe because there was no more real tension? It would be interesting to see more back and forth between her and Lea, maybe more of her thoughts on her dad also. btw biiiig fan of paladin series and blessed princess.
I think my favourites are, elaine's book, natasya, andromeda and nina
Amorette is getting a little tiring, I am not sure why. Maybe it is necessary for the entire series to flesh out some of these parts. The beginning of series was very fun though. Maybe because there was no more real tension? It would be interesting to see more back and forth between her and Lea, maybe more of her thoughts on her dad also. btw biiiig fan of paladin series and blessed princess.
I think my favourites are, elaine's book, natasya, andromeda and nina
1/25/2020 c9 MsMephibosheth
I have long enjoyed your stories, especially your characterization, world building and plot twists.
Please don’t take this poorly, but I find that Amorette’s “voice” in this story is inconsistent with her established history. Amorette is illiterate and uneducated. I do not mean that she is stupid or simple. She is not. However, even though her language skills have obviously improved since being with the “uppers,” her internal dialogue and descriptions are oddly sophisticated, almost as if her way of thinking has been converted to an “upper.” Part of her charm is her outsider point of view.. Being a “lower,” in your previous chapters and story when we first encounter her, writing from her point of view was short, terse, and to the point. Descriptions were tactile and in the present. There was not the impression that Amorette thought in terms of anything but the “now.”
In this chapter and in others, she has begun using more sophisticated language, not only in description, but in verb tenses. Consider learning another language: imperfect past tense versus perfect past tense, etc. are all very advanced. One of the ways that a person may be identified as a non-native speaker is in grammar.
Here’s an example of what I mean.
“She still knew so little about the paladins. They were enigmas even greater than royalty, medicine, or the artificial lights that blinded her even in the darkest night without a lick of a flame. She had met so many of them at this point and while they all had different powers and personalities, she could say that they did have one thing in common.
A trait that, she could admit in the strange calmness that had come over her, she shared to a degree. It might not have been as broad as their definition, but Amorette certainly knew that drive and determination to protect her people.”
There’s nothing essentially wrong with this until we consider that this phrasing would almost never come naturally to Amorette’s mind, not as she has been previously described.
Here’s a suggestion as an alternative to the above passage.
“She still didn’t get the paladins. They were so different. Different from each other. Different from her. Different from everyone she had known before, back under... back home.
But they had something in common too. Determination. They weren’t going to let going to let anyone hurt their people. Amorette clenched her fists. She was like that too. No one was going to hurt her people either. Not while she could stop it.”
Again, this comment is meant to be constructive criticism. Your writing is excellent. I enjoy the switching of points of view in your other work. The series on the princesses, for example, exhibited the differences between each sister admirably. It wasn’t just how they looked, it was how they thought and saw the world. Amorette just strikes me as a little off.
I assume that you already have a beta, but if I may offer my services, please let me know. I look forward to the rest of your stories.
I have long enjoyed your stories, especially your characterization, world building and plot twists.
Please don’t take this poorly, but I find that Amorette’s “voice” in this story is inconsistent with her established history. Amorette is illiterate and uneducated. I do not mean that she is stupid or simple. She is not. However, even though her language skills have obviously improved since being with the “uppers,” her internal dialogue and descriptions are oddly sophisticated, almost as if her way of thinking has been converted to an “upper.” Part of her charm is her outsider point of view.. Being a “lower,” in your previous chapters and story when we first encounter her, writing from her point of view was short, terse, and to the point. Descriptions were tactile and in the present. There was not the impression that Amorette thought in terms of anything but the “now.”
In this chapter and in others, she has begun using more sophisticated language, not only in description, but in verb tenses. Consider learning another language: imperfect past tense versus perfect past tense, etc. are all very advanced. One of the ways that a person may be identified as a non-native speaker is in grammar.
Here’s an example of what I mean.
“She still knew so little about the paladins. They were enigmas even greater than royalty, medicine, or the artificial lights that blinded her even in the darkest night without a lick of a flame. She had met so many of them at this point and while they all had different powers and personalities, she could say that they did have one thing in common.
A trait that, she could admit in the strange calmness that had come over her, she shared to a degree. It might not have been as broad as their definition, but Amorette certainly knew that drive and determination to protect her people.”
There’s nothing essentially wrong with this until we consider that this phrasing would almost never come naturally to Amorette’s mind, not as she has been previously described.
Here’s a suggestion as an alternative to the above passage.
“She still didn’t get the paladins. They were so different. Different from each other. Different from her. Different from everyone she had known before, back under... back home.
But they had something in common too. Determination. They weren’t going to let going to let anyone hurt their people. Amorette clenched her fists. She was like that too. No one was going to hurt her people either. Not while she could stop it.”
Again, this comment is meant to be constructive criticism. Your writing is excellent. I enjoy the switching of points of view in your other work. The series on the princesses, for example, exhibited the differences between each sister admirably. It wasn’t just how they looked, it was how they thought and saw the world. Amorette just strikes me as a little off.
I assume that you already have a beta, but if I may offer my services, please let me know. I look forward to the rest of your stories.
1/18/2020 c13 Guest
Aaaaaahhhhhh! I’m glad that Amorette has finally made a decision and that she’s at peace with her choice. But what is this cliffhanger? I won’t be able to sleep until the next update!
Aaaaaahhhhhh! I’m glad that Amorette has finally made a decision and that she’s at peace with her choice. But what is this cliffhanger? I won’t be able to sleep until the next update!
1/12/2020 c12 Amelie
Lol I hope amorette chooses to be a civilan
Lol I hope amorette chooses to be a civilan
1/5/2020 c11 Amelie
Btw what happened to the boy manon gambled with
Btw what happened to the boy manon gambled with
821/4/2020 c11 Amelie
Well Manon can just order them not to tell her secret so if they do Lie to Lea she can't dp much
Well Manon can just order them not to tell her secret so if they do Lie to Lea she can't dp much
12/28/2019 c10 Isabella22
I absolutely love how you write the connection between Amorette and Cupid. The simple interactions between the two of them are so endearing.
I absolutely love how you write the connection between Amorette and Cupid. The simple interactions between the two of them are so endearing.
12/22/2019 c9 Amelie
Yeah finally an update!
Yeah finally an update!
11/23/2019 c8 Amelie
Oh I just read your twitter, study hard then! Hope all is well
Oh I just read your twitter, study hard then! Hope all is well
11/23/2019 c8 Amelie
Update pleaseee
Update pleaseee
11/9/2019 c8 AH-J4
With her atitude about war, paladins and royalty i alway thought they would figure out she was a paladin but she wouldnt volunteer that information. Yet you steered it to that so beautifully. It was a pleasure to read.
With her atitude about war, paladins and royalty i alway thought they would figure out she was a paladin but she wouldnt volunteer that information. Yet you steered it to that so beautifully. It was a pleasure to read.
10/12/2019 c4 Amelie
I'm super curious who her father is and who survived since they don't have all bodies
I'm super curious who her father is and who survived since they don't have all bodies
10/7/2019 c3 NewMamma2013
I've been catching up on all your Paladin stories since last week and finally caught up to now. I already read most of your short stores and the four Princesses and I had no choice but to read through every Paladin story so far lol. Will there be any possibility that Ferrent or one of the three Paladins who went below may recognize Amorette? I know it was already dark and everything was life or death the few times they met her, so it'll be great to she her introduced into society!
I've been catching up on all your Paladin stories since last week and finally caught up to now. I already read most of your short stores and the four Princesses and I had no choice but to read through every Paladin story so far lol. Will there be any possibility that Ferrent or one of the three Paladins who went below may recognize Amorette? I know it was already dark and everything was life or death the few times they met her, so it'll be great to she her introduced into society!