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for The Getaway Bag

6/25/2021 c1 771Jave Harron
Heh. That poor fellow is about to be in for a real rough span. I enjoyed your stream of consciousness writing style. For some reason, thinking of Bret Easton Ellis. I like the second person pacing, as it reminds me of interactive fiction (Choose Your Own Adventure books and the like). I think some more detail, like allusions or metaphors, might improve the tension, although the end was worth it.
2/19/2020 c1 97CitrusChickadee
The suspense leading up to the unexpected revelation was pretty great, ha. And then the last line completely twists things around again. Definitely an interesting buildup here.

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