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6/2 c1 LDF
[The ticking filled her ears, she kept her eyes closed in hopes that it would stop]

This is a comma splice. You need to split this sentence in two or use a different transition.

[She brought a hand up, feeling the exhaustion roll through her lips like water washing down over her fingers, wrist, and elbow. It didn't end at her shoulder, instead continuing onward. She could feel it in her heart, as if all the water was collected within her body.]

This is some beautiful imagery you have here.

[Slowly she moved a hand up to her neck, but felt nothing strange, her neck was smooth and without decoration. She stopped, her hand squeezing tight around her throat. She quickly sat up, she did not have her necklace.]

So I've noticed that there's some scenes that don't really make sense. She closes her eyes in the beginning because she hopes the ticking sound goes away, rather than investigating what that sound is and why it's so out of place in the setting she's in. Then she opens her eyes, but the first thing she does is feel her neck for a necklace? Why? What prompted this?

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