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for A New Covenant, or the Truth of Metal

4/19 c1 Joeson
Not to be overreacting but you're book is totally awesome. You're innate writing skill is what the world should witness. Try joining NovelStar's writing competition because why not?
7/26/2020 c1 Eaton222
Try to refrain from using adverbs like "endlessly," and "always." Exclamation points are also not a great way to convey emotion. If you want the audience to care, diction has to be the cause. If you had to have one, the one after "To Unity, to Strength, to Metal" works well. Also, if this is a speech, you will need to do something stylized to let us know that it is someone talking, or use quotation marks.

At first I was not a fan of the blending of the abstract and the concrete details when the nameless character goes through this transition, but I think it works, that is, as long as the reason for the use has something to do with the horde of humans-perchance they aren't inept to understand what is happening so this is their way of rationalizing the events.

I'd like to read more. As a chapter in an ongoing story, this could work, as long as most of the events are fleshed out. Why are these people walking? What exactly is the transformation? Who is speaking at the beginning? Is this already addressed elsewhere?

Either way, I enjoyed what you've written, and realize that my suggestions are not set in stone, either.

Stay Nebulous-


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