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4/28/2021 c11 5MA Frio
A really nice idea with a lot of potential - learning you girlfriend is not only out to get others but you as well. I would've liked to have seen a lot more interaction between the couple though, to add more depth to the "toxicity" of the relationship, maybe see some resentment build up between the two so as to justify the ending more. I think the story held a nice metaphor for unhealthy relationships and how they can eat away at the people who are in them.
4/28/2021 c5 MA Frio
I'm a bit confused since I thought in the first few chapters that the narrator was talking about this girl he loved who was committing all these murders, but it turns out here that they aren't actually aware that it's the girl, or it might not be the girl at all...? I like the use of language though, almost poetic at the beginning - apt for a short story like this.
4/6/2021 c11 9Mislav
Very intense, creepy, tragic and poetic story. Great attention to details. You really have a way with words. I especially liked the way you captured the protagonist's attraction to a mystery woman (his girlfriend) at the beginning, as well as his love for her later on. I also liked how you revealed that something bad would happen at the end of the first chapter, but didn't reveal what until later on, slowly building up the suspense while still developing their love story, making the ending all the more tragic. This part was particularly beautiful: "The glow of the sunset made her hair appear like solid gold, though it would be more accurate to say fool's gold, because I was a fool for loving her. Anyone who loved her, who fell into her trap of loosely buttoned shirts and plum lipstick and perfume like roses, was a fool.

But I didn't know I was a fool yet, so I continued to willingly continue down into that trap, admiring her golden hair and the way half of her face glowed and the other half stayed in shadow, and I couldn't decide which half was more beautiful. I watched the way her eyes closed, the way her long dark lashes coated with eyeliner fluttered against her cheeks."

And so was this: "I stayed because when I, who was awkward and not very funny, made her laugh, she threw her head back and closed her eyes and let raucous cackles escape her, sounding dry and loud and almost like some sort of spell that made me stand there, jaw hanging, wishing I could live in this moment forever. I stayed because her eyes had a million little flecks of different colors, of forest green and sapphire blue and purple like grapes; of gold and honey and amber; and when the light hit her just right, it formed a rainbow against her eye; her eyes were beautiful, and I could spend hours staring into them before I got bored. I stayed because her kisses blew my mind, each and every one of them, and because her rose perfume intoxicated me.

I stayed because she carried herself with a confidence I could never achieve, with her shoulders squared and her chin pointed upwards and her lips forming a smirk because everyone trying to bring her down was already below her, and she knew that. I stayed because she was bold, and loud, and glowing, and she lived as herself unapologetically."

The last line of the first chapter gave me the chills. The one at the end of chapter four caught me off guard too: "Until the murders started." And the one at the end of chapter six: "I thought nothing of it at the time. But the next day, he was dead." And the one at the end of chapter seven was spot-on: "Roses. The exact scent of the rose perfume I breathed so often." You really have a knack for it. I also liked some black humor in chapter five: "The last big thing that happened was when the mayor's son got caught shoplifting. That was all anyone talked about for weeks afterwards." And "girlfriends accused boyfriends and boyfriends accused girlfriends until our town had never seen a bigger spike in breakup rates. (Just before Valentine's Day, too, ironically.)" Loved how you described the protagonist's conflicted feelings in chapter eight: "Her disappointment felt like the weight of a thousand worlds suddenly dropped on my shoulders after she had been holding them at bay for so long."

The analogy with tropical creatures and a supernova was very appropriate. I kept hoping that the whole thing maybe turns out to be a misunderstanding, that she maybe didn't do it after all, but she did. I didn't expect the protagonist to die at the end, probably because the story was written in the first person.

Keep up the great work. This was great. I will definitely read your other stories.
1/13/2021 c11 21234booklover
Last word of the storytitle of the fic. Nice, it makes sense too!
The ending makes sense, but I wonder if you'll write one more chapter about the other, girl's PoV when she slit her lover's throat. But considering this has been marked as done...
1/11/2021 c10 1234booklover
Hmm... So you're taking a forbidden love kinda spin to this!
Beautiful writing!
12/22/2020 c9 1234booklover
And the MC finally stands up!
11/30/2020 c8 1234booklover
Ooh, the tension rises... And he/she confronts!
Wait, is the girlfriend /even/ the murderer?! Cause you've never specified...
11/22/2020 c7 1234booklover
Ooh, I hate and love the cliffhanger you've left behind! I wonder if he'll confront her...
Looking forward to the next update!
11/7/2020 c6 1234booklover
Interesting.
10/30/2020 c5 1234booklover
And now the story picks up pace!
I'm starting to like the short chapters, they're fun to read. Especially since you update almost every day!
10/27/2020 c4 1234booklover
Ooh, I'm curious for how you're going to write the next chapter!
10/25/2020 c3 1234booklover
Love the last line!
10/24/2020 c2 1234booklover
Beautifully written!
10/22/2020 c1 1234booklover
Wow. I love the way you've written this! It's so simple, yet it story captivates me.
PS: Is this complete or a WIP?

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