for Eternal Dreams5/16 c3 
1MissScorp
Hi there, Neo! Well, things definitely pick up in this chapter with Catsy instigating a fight between her and Lucas. You kept the action sequence short and quick, heightening the situation and creating the right balance between action and dialogue. Catsy definitely doesn’t come off as a heroine here, especially with the way she lures Lucas into her spider web. It’s clear that she has ulterior motives, something she conveys to Lucas before launching her final attack and leaving him essentially bleeding on the floor. It’s not something that a Knight of Hope would necessarily do in my mind, making me wonder if she hasn’t become corrupted by this dream world that they’re living in.
Lucas makes me think of a giant with the way he moves. I imagined him as being this towering, hulking figure… almost like Colossus but not quite so. He definitely does across as powerful and fast. Even Catsy backs up a few steps when he comes towards her which says that he’s not someone to cross unless you have a game plan in place. She seemingly has prepared for a fight with him and uses her powers to essentially disable him before he can attack her. It says she’s been formulating this plan for a long time and has prepared for what he might throw at her. Making her a dangerous figure in her own right.
So, Catsy is like a cat and he’s like a wolf. Makes sense why the two are fighting now lol Cats vs Dogs is like Batman vs Joker. They’re mortal enemies (despite there being cats and dogs that are friends… Batman and Joker? Not so much lol). Clearly, Lucas is the guard keeping Catsy from accomplishing her mission. She has to eliminate him in order to awaken the Nightmares, which doesn’t sound like a group that I’d particularly want to see awakened myself. Luckily, Ken (I assume since Catsy makes references to how much like Ken he looks) and Mis’o’chi are there to comfort him. His ending thought about his packing coming for him is interesting and makes me want to learn more about him.
Another really great chapter!
1MissScorpHi there, Neo! Well, things definitely pick up in this chapter with Catsy instigating a fight between her and Lucas. You kept the action sequence short and quick, heightening the situation and creating the right balance between action and dialogue. Catsy definitely doesn’t come off as a heroine here, especially with the way she lures Lucas into her spider web. It’s clear that she has ulterior motives, something she conveys to Lucas before launching her final attack and leaving him essentially bleeding on the floor. It’s not something that a Knight of Hope would necessarily do in my mind, making me wonder if she hasn’t become corrupted by this dream world that they’re living in.
Lucas makes me think of a giant with the way he moves. I imagined him as being this towering, hulking figure… almost like Colossus but not quite so. He definitely does across as powerful and fast. Even Catsy backs up a few steps when he comes towards her which says that he’s not someone to cross unless you have a game plan in place. She seemingly has prepared for a fight with him and uses her powers to essentially disable him before he can attack her. It says she’s been formulating this plan for a long time and has prepared for what he might throw at her. Making her a dangerous figure in her own right.
So, Catsy is like a cat and he’s like a wolf. Makes sense why the two are fighting now lol Cats vs Dogs is like Batman vs Joker. They’re mortal enemies (despite there being cats and dogs that are friends… Batman and Joker? Not so much lol). Clearly, Lucas is the guard keeping Catsy from accomplishing her mission. She has to eliminate him in order to awaken the Nightmares, which doesn’t sound like a group that I’d particularly want to see awakened myself. Luckily, Ken (I assume since Catsy makes references to how much like Ken he looks) and Mis’o’chi are there to comfort him. His ending thought about his packing coming for him is interesting and makes me want to learn more about him.
Another really great chapter!
4/25 c2 MissScorp
Hi there! Again the dreams come into play with the discussion between Brace Girl and Ken. This time, however, you outright leave us asking the question: is this reality or a dream within a dream? Is this a dream created by the island that they are living on? Are these people living the dreams of other people as Brace Girl suggests? Are some of them in transition and waiting to be sent to a place where they can live out their dreams? We really have no answers just yet, only questions. Which is a great tool for keeping readers engaged with the story. We want to get those answers and to see if our thoughts are right.
Ken definitely is a complex character. On one hand he comes off as annoying, obnoxious, and throughly unlikeable, especially with how he talks to certain people (such as Brace Girl) but when you delve a little deeper you realize that it’s all an act. He’s performing for the masses because that’s what is expected of someone like him (it makes me think of the line from the song Nobody Knows: “like a clown I put on a show/pain is real but nobody knows it but me”).
He doesn’t let people see the real him because that’s now who they want to know. They want to be part of the “celebrity”. They want to hang out with the cool guy who has people essentially writing his papers for him because he’s too cool for such things. They aren’t aware he’s got a mom in the hospital because it’s not something he shares with anyone other than those he allows in his inner circle (such as Pierce). It unnerves him how Brace Girl knows about his secret but he covers it up by changing the subject. She’s not quite far enough in his inner circle for him to share his innermost secrets despite his offering her a piggyback ride and even sharing with her about how he’d like to be her (resulting in her crying and him getting accused of being mean to her).
Ah the lights go out. It’s a classic hook but an effective one as it begs a reader to click the next button to find out what is going on. Is the dream about to collapse? Will someone be transitioned onto their next dream? Is there a dark force about to shatter the dream? We don’t know for sure. We just know that an ominous cloud hangs over the characters.
Excellent job! :)
Hi there! Again the dreams come into play with the discussion between Brace Girl and Ken. This time, however, you outright leave us asking the question: is this reality or a dream within a dream? Is this a dream created by the island that they are living on? Are these people living the dreams of other people as Brace Girl suggests? Are some of them in transition and waiting to be sent to a place where they can live out their dreams? We really have no answers just yet, only questions. Which is a great tool for keeping readers engaged with the story. We want to get those answers and to see if our thoughts are right.
Ken definitely is a complex character. On one hand he comes off as annoying, obnoxious, and throughly unlikeable, especially with how he talks to certain people (such as Brace Girl) but when you delve a little deeper you realize that it’s all an act. He’s performing for the masses because that’s what is expected of someone like him (it makes me think of the line from the song Nobody Knows: “like a clown I put on a show/pain is real but nobody knows it but me”).
He doesn’t let people see the real him because that’s now who they want to know. They want to be part of the “celebrity”. They want to hang out with the cool guy who has people essentially writing his papers for him because he’s too cool for such things. They aren’t aware he’s got a mom in the hospital because it’s not something he shares with anyone other than those he allows in his inner circle (such as Pierce). It unnerves him how Brace Girl knows about his secret but he covers it up by changing the subject. She’s not quite far enough in his inner circle for him to share his innermost secrets despite his offering her a piggyback ride and even sharing with her about how he’d like to be her (resulting in her crying and him getting accused of being mean to her).
Ah the lights go out. It’s a classic hook but an effective one as it begs a reader to click the next button to find out what is going on. Is the dream about to collapse? Will someone be transitioned onto their next dream? Is there a dark force about to shatter the dream? We don’t know for sure. We just know that an ominous cloud hangs over the characters.
Excellent job! :)
4/25 c1 MissScorp
Hi there, Neo! So, I feel like I have read this before because I remember the painting and the names Catsy, Ken Sun, and Mis’o’chi but I don’t see where I left a review on this so hopefully I am mistaken on that (unless there’s another version I have read that I am remembering?) Either way, I do love the theme you are embodying here (a Tale as Old as Time) with the two in the painting being star-crossed lovers separated by either time or misfortune. They’ve been “reborn” (for lack of a better word) in the modern world and attend the same school without realizing who the other is. Leaving open for them to find each other and fall in love all over again.
Mis’o’chi “zoning out” is an interesting way of describing her connection with those looking for rescue (for lack of a better word since we don’t actually know what these figures want from her at this point). It’s interesting she doesn’t know if they are ghosts, demons or simply lost souls. She just knows they’re not human and that she’s like a magnet to them. That raises the question of if they are people she has met before but doesn’t remember… as she doesn’t remember the boy who she has attended school with for two years (and has had in multiple classes with her).
Dreams being repeated with lines like “Did you wake from your dream yet?” raises an interesting question (and one that Inception touches on): is life merely a dream within a dream? Is there no such thing as reality? Are we merely moving through dreams? Is that why Mis’o’chi is a magnet to all these figures who aren’t human but she doesn’t know what they are? Did she create this reality to deal with being shut away in a painting? We really don’t know yet.
Really great start here! Can’t wait to see where you take things! :)
Hi there, Neo! So, I feel like I have read this before because I remember the painting and the names Catsy, Ken Sun, and Mis’o’chi but I don’t see where I left a review on this so hopefully I am mistaken on that (unless there’s another version I have read that I am remembering?) Either way, I do love the theme you are embodying here (a Tale as Old as Time) with the two in the painting being star-crossed lovers separated by either time or misfortune. They’ve been “reborn” (for lack of a better word) in the modern world and attend the same school without realizing who the other is. Leaving open for them to find each other and fall in love all over again.
Mis’o’chi “zoning out” is an interesting way of describing her connection with those looking for rescue (for lack of a better word since we don’t actually know what these figures want from her at this point). It’s interesting she doesn’t know if they are ghosts, demons or simply lost souls. She just knows they’re not human and that she’s like a magnet to them. That raises the question of if they are people she has met before but doesn’t remember… as she doesn’t remember the boy who she has attended school with for two years (and has had in multiple classes with her).
Dreams being repeated with lines like “Did you wake from your dream yet?” raises an interesting question (and one that Inception touches on): is life merely a dream within a dream? Is there no such thing as reality? Are we merely moving through dreams? Is that why Mis’o’chi is a magnet to all these figures who aren’t human but she doesn’t know what they are? Did she create this reality to deal with being shut away in a painting? We really don’t know yet.
Really great start here! Can’t wait to see where you take things! :)
4/23 c4 sunshine-hime
I really enjoyed this chapter, especially now that I can see it all coming together from the parts that you sent me before. I really love the characters, they feel very complex and in depth and I find myself wanting to learn more about them with each passing chapter. I think my favs are Lucas and Big Bertha, they’re especially jerks but effortlessly charming.
The plot is getting interesting too as all the players begin to gather, and I can't wait to see where it goes. Once again it has strong Sailor Moon vibes which I love of course and the Knights are really fascinating.
Great chapter!
I really enjoyed this chapter, especially now that I can see it all coming together from the parts that you sent me before. I really love the characters, they feel very complex and in depth and I find myself wanting to learn more about them with each passing chapter. I think my favs are Lucas and Big Bertha, they’re especially jerks but effortlessly charming.
The plot is getting interesting too as all the players begin to gather, and I can't wait to see where it goes. Once again it has strong Sailor Moon vibes which I love of course and the Knights are really fascinating.
Great chapter!
4/23 c3 sunshine-hime
Lucas is such a fascinating character, I can't imagine how lonely and awful it must have been for him to experience that kind of sealing away from the human world, that even experiencing pain and near death makes him excited.
I love how you described Casey's power too, that red string ability. It sounded really cool and I can see the Sailor Moon influences in her (Mars in particular) which is fun.
Can't wait to read chapter 4 next!
Lucas is such a fascinating character, I can't imagine how lonely and awful it must have been for him to experience that kind of sealing away from the human world, that even experiencing pain and near death makes him excited.
I love how you described Casey's power too, that red string ability. It sounded really cool and I can see the Sailor Moon influences in her (Mars in particular) which is fun.
Can't wait to read chapter 4 next!
12/22/2020 c3 Zero Slash Xad
Pretty good as well.
Pretty good as well.
12/22/2020 c2 Zero Slash One
This looks just about flawless in every regard, deserving of high accolades. I can't really think of more to say.
This looks just about flawless in every regard, deserving of high accolades. I can't really think of more to say.
10/30/2020 c2 sunshine-hime
This was a really cute chapter, I enjoyed the interactions between Ken and the others! I actually liked when "Brace Girl" was still on his back and he alternated between tuning her out and then actually making an effort to listen and talk to her. And him sharing a bit of his own self. You could see just a little of his good heart there but it was still buried under tons of trash and I like that complexity.
The mystery of the island was interesting lore too and I can't wait to see where it goes. Also that clothesline from hell was amazing btw 10/10
Another solid, well written chapter and I can't wait for more!
This was a really cute chapter, I enjoyed the interactions between Ken and the others! I actually liked when "Brace Girl" was still on his back and he alternated between tuning her out and then actually making an effort to listen and talk to her. And him sharing a bit of his own self. You could see just a little of his good heart there but it was still buried under tons of trash and I like that complexity.
The mystery of the island was interesting lore too and I can't wait to see where it goes. Also that clothesline from hell was amazing btw 10/10
Another solid, well written chapter and I can't wait for more!
10/27/2020 c1 Xadhoom
Okay, cool. Pretty good start. Might wanna tone down on the exposition.
Okay, cool. Pretty good start. Might wanna tone down on the exposition.
10/27/2020 c1 sunshine-hime
This is great so far, I love the slow build into what the plot will be later on. Mis'o'chi and her power are interesting and I love that repeating theme of her waking from her own dream. And you did a nice job of making the setting feel very dream like as well.
I especially enjoyed the conversation between her and Lucas and how he didn't fully realize that he was dreaming until she pointed it out. And Catsy is very intriguing too, can't wait to see her mystery unraveled just like the other ones.
Can't wait for the next chapter!
This is great so far, I love the slow build into what the plot will be later on. Mis'o'chi and her power are interesting and I love that repeating theme of her waking from her own dream. And you did a nice job of making the setting feel very dream like as well.
I especially enjoyed the conversation between her and Lucas and how he didn't fully realize that he was dreaming until she pointed it out. And Catsy is very intriguing too, can't wait to see her mystery unraveled just like the other ones.
Can't wait for the next chapter!
10/26/2020 c1 Amy
Hey there Neo!
This was amazing. I love this aura of them being stuck in an eternal dream and the way you described everything. Misochi is my favourite character - Catsy is interesting, reminds me of Hikari in a way where she can see things and sense things that others can't. She knows this is a dream but the question is are they all stuck in the same eternal dream? The story has definitely piqued my curiosity.
I am very impressed with how I can see each scene playing out in my head - I can hear their voices, picture their surroundings and that is amazing. I think out of all the stories I read from you, this one is my favourite. It feels natural and like you enjoyed writing it a lot more. Original fics are definitely your expertise and I hope to see more.
Hey there Neo!
This was amazing. I love this aura of them being stuck in an eternal dream and the way you described everything. Misochi is my favourite character - Catsy is interesting, reminds me of Hikari in a way where she can see things and sense things that others can't. She knows this is a dream but the question is are they all stuck in the same eternal dream? The story has definitely piqued my curiosity.
I am very impressed with how I can see each scene playing out in my head - I can hear their voices, picture their surroundings and that is amazing. I think out of all the stories I read from you, this one is my favourite. It feels natural and like you enjoyed writing it a lot more. Original fics are definitely your expertise and I hope to see more.