for Virtue and Vice9/14/2021 c10 
14Mislav
This was a great epilogue. I liked how things are a bit better now, but they are still in New Orleans and they can't just go back to the way things were. It makes sense Jerome wouldn't tell anyone what happened to him in the afterlife. I'm glad you included a ham radio, it always reminds me of one of my favorite movies, "Frequency". Jerome and Charity dancing together was so sweet. So cute how Linda named her daughter Leah! I'm glad that the child has Leah's healing powers. It makes sense Bernard would become a resident historian and document everything happening there. I liked how the story ended with them heading for the battle. Robert Harris' novel "Fatherland" ended that way, and so did Ernest Hemingway's "For Whom The Bell Tolls". Keep up the great work and thank you so much for writing this!
14MislavThis was a great epilogue. I liked how things are a bit better now, but they are still in New Orleans and they can't just go back to the way things were. It makes sense Jerome wouldn't tell anyone what happened to him in the afterlife. I'm glad you included a ham radio, it always reminds me of one of my favorite movies, "Frequency". Jerome and Charity dancing together was so sweet. So cute how Linda named her daughter Leah! I'm glad that the child has Leah's healing powers. It makes sense Bernard would become a resident historian and document everything happening there. I liked how the story ended with them heading for the battle. Robert Harris' novel "Fatherland" ended that way, and so did Ernest Hemingway's "For Whom The Bell Tolls". Keep up the great work and thank you so much for writing this!
9/9/2021 c9 Mislav
Wow! Such a great finale! The action scene at the beginning was so intense and well-written. Great combination of action and horror. Of course, just when it looked like the things were going well... I liked how you included the elements from the Book of Revelation into it, where the Beast/Lucifer wants to devour the newborn child who will save the world. The way you described him was truly horrifying: "It was an abomination in the truest sense of the word. It had an ashen grey goat skull the size of a semi-truck, six dark, empty eye sockets etched onto its visage. A pair of giant, bat like wings trailed its bulk, the membranous texture rotted and stitched together like misshapen spiderwebs. Its body was vaguely humanoid, gleaming white bones and putrid flesh sewn together in an avalanche of muscle.
The Hellish goliath continued its ascent, one oversized talon after the other. It would soon reach the spot they were standing, but for the life of him, Jerome couldn't move, utterly transfixed by the abomination climbing towards them. Even in his mind, Jerome did not want to give credence to the horror before him. To invoke even a thought of Him would manifest fear. Jerome felt Leah's hand slide into his own. The angel gave him strength, and judging by how bad his hand was shaking, he was going to need every bit of it."
Love how Leah stood up to him though! And how you made Leah and Linda pray in Hebrew together, since Leah descended to Earth after Linda prayed. Tragic how Jerome died and his soul left his body as he watched his friends fight on... and how he had to make such an important sacrifice after coming face to face with God. But I liked how you made it so there are rules that can't be broken, even for the greater good, because it is meant to be and nobody interferes with God's plan. An interesting take. It looks like Jerome lost his faith, then found it, then lost it again. Now he knows that God exists, but not how he imagined Him. So sad how Tyler died in the battle! Charity's despair at the end was so well written. I figured that the four angels who came for Leah were the archangels, since there were four of them and they had four wings instead of two. It makes sense that Leah would be one of the Virtues, whose duty is to strengthen the faith between humans and the Lord. Taunting Leah about her missing wings and calling her a meddler was just unimaginably cruel. At least she went out like a badass! So cute how her angelic essence went into Linda, and, probably, her child. Thank you so much! Perfect way to end the chapter with Linda going into labor. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read the epilogue and see how things turned out after all this horror.
Wow! Such a great finale! The action scene at the beginning was so intense and well-written. Great combination of action and horror. Of course, just when it looked like the things were going well... I liked how you included the elements from the Book of Revelation into it, where the Beast/Lucifer wants to devour the newborn child who will save the world. The way you described him was truly horrifying: "It was an abomination in the truest sense of the word. It had an ashen grey goat skull the size of a semi-truck, six dark, empty eye sockets etched onto its visage. A pair of giant, bat like wings trailed its bulk, the membranous texture rotted and stitched together like misshapen spiderwebs. Its body was vaguely humanoid, gleaming white bones and putrid flesh sewn together in an avalanche of muscle.
The Hellish goliath continued its ascent, one oversized talon after the other. It would soon reach the spot they were standing, but for the life of him, Jerome couldn't move, utterly transfixed by the abomination climbing towards them. Even in his mind, Jerome did not want to give credence to the horror before him. To invoke even a thought of Him would manifest fear. Jerome felt Leah's hand slide into his own. The angel gave him strength, and judging by how bad his hand was shaking, he was going to need every bit of it."
Love how Leah stood up to him though! And how you made Leah and Linda pray in Hebrew together, since Leah descended to Earth after Linda prayed. Tragic how Jerome died and his soul left his body as he watched his friends fight on... and how he had to make such an important sacrifice after coming face to face with God. But I liked how you made it so there are rules that can't be broken, even for the greater good, because it is meant to be and nobody interferes with God's plan. An interesting take. It looks like Jerome lost his faith, then found it, then lost it again. Now he knows that God exists, but not how he imagined Him. So sad how Tyler died in the battle! Charity's despair at the end was so well written. I figured that the four angels who came for Leah were the archangels, since there were four of them and they had four wings instead of two. It makes sense that Leah would be one of the Virtues, whose duty is to strengthen the faith between humans and the Lord. Taunting Leah about her missing wings and calling her a meddler was just unimaginably cruel. At least she went out like a badass! So cute how her angelic essence went into Linda, and, probably, her child. Thank you so much! Perfect way to end the chapter with Linda going into labor. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read the epilogue and see how things turned out after all this horror.
7/5/2021 c8 Mislav
Very interesting and touching chapter. I especially liked this description: "A group of soldiers accompanied Jerome and his congregation through the throngs of survivors. They split like the Red Sea, some of them still reaching for Leah's wings. Tears of joy, of hope, ran freely from those who had touched the angel. Jerome promised himself that he would make sure every person here would receive Leah's blessing. It was the least they could do for a people who had lost everything." And this one: "The bible teaches that those who offer blessings are blessed in return. As Jerome watched the long line of people before Leah, he couldn't help but feel his own heart swell with the palpable energy of hundreds of weary souls. Throughout the day, he had listened to untold stories of horror, survival, and salvation. While the rest of them didn't possess the healing touch of an angel, there were smaller yet no less rewarding ways of helping." I'm glad that Charity stood up for Tyler. LOL at Leah joking with Jerome. So sad to know she will be gone after Linda gives birth. I wonder will we learn more about Leah's background; as far as we know, she could be billions years old. I'm glad that Charity and Tyler found love with each other. Such a sweet moment between Bernard and Jerome. Nice callback to her conversation with Jerome on the bus. I didn't expect them to find Tyler's parents' friends there. I still wonder if some of the survivors are monsters in disguise. Loved Jerome's speech at the end. I assume he was also referring to Hurricane Katrina. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to reading the ending.
Very interesting and touching chapter. I especially liked this description: "A group of soldiers accompanied Jerome and his congregation through the throngs of survivors. They split like the Red Sea, some of them still reaching for Leah's wings. Tears of joy, of hope, ran freely from those who had touched the angel. Jerome promised himself that he would make sure every person here would receive Leah's blessing. It was the least they could do for a people who had lost everything." And this one: "The bible teaches that those who offer blessings are blessed in return. As Jerome watched the long line of people before Leah, he couldn't help but feel his own heart swell with the palpable energy of hundreds of weary souls. Throughout the day, he had listened to untold stories of horror, survival, and salvation. While the rest of them didn't possess the healing touch of an angel, there were smaller yet no less rewarding ways of helping." I'm glad that Charity stood up for Tyler. LOL at Leah joking with Jerome. So sad to know she will be gone after Linda gives birth. I wonder will we learn more about Leah's background; as far as we know, she could be billions years old. I'm glad that Charity and Tyler found love with each other. Such a sweet moment between Bernard and Jerome. Nice callback to her conversation with Jerome on the bus. I didn't expect them to find Tyler's parents' friends there. I still wonder if some of the survivors are monsters in disguise. Loved Jerome's speech at the end. I assume he was also referring to Hurricane Katrina. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to reading the ending.
6/7/2021 c7 Mislav
Very intense and exciting chapter. The Lycan really looked terrifying. I liked how Leah took him out by throwing a grenade into his ear LOL I especially liked the part where they barely escaped from the building before it collapsed. I actually thought Myers would die, but of course, Leah saved him! Great job with bits of humor, like: "His heart raced for a moment before he saw Charity scramble away from the ruined wall where she had been standing.
"Well, that plan went tits up," Jerome said.
"I don't know what that means, but you are most certainly welcome for the save," Leah replied."
And
"They would just have to cross the several hundred yard long distance with a woman who was possibly about to go into labor and pray the barrier surrounding them didn't break.
Easy peasy."
I really thought Linda was going to give birth! I was also worried that those soldiers were monsters in disguise, leading them to their doom. I wonder what they found in there, and will Leah's struggle with extending the barrier come into play later. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to find out what awaited them there.
Very intense and exciting chapter. The Lycan really looked terrifying. I liked how Leah took him out by throwing a grenade into his ear LOL I especially liked the part where they barely escaped from the building before it collapsed. I actually thought Myers would die, but of course, Leah saved him! Great job with bits of humor, like: "His heart raced for a moment before he saw Charity scramble away from the ruined wall where she had been standing.
"Well, that plan went tits up," Jerome said.
"I don't know what that means, but you are most certainly welcome for the save," Leah replied."
And
"They would just have to cross the several hundred yard long distance with a woman who was possibly about to go into labor and pray the barrier surrounding them didn't break.
Easy peasy."
I really thought Linda was going to give birth! I was also worried that those soldiers were monsters in disguise, leading them to their doom. I wonder what they found in there, and will Leah's struggle with extending the barrier come into play later. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to find out what awaited them there.
5/11/2021 c6 3That One Dork Stacey
Again with the crazy good imagery! :O I feel like this is an amalgamation of like Left4Dead and Halloween and Constantine, wrapped up especially for me. :D Can’t wait for the next chapter!
3That One Dork StaceyAgain with the crazy good imagery! :O I feel like this is an amalgamation of like Left4Dead and Halloween and Constantine, wrapped up especially for me. :D Can’t wait for the next chapter!
5/9/2021 c6 14Mislav
Very exciting and interesting chapter. I really enjoyed reading it. Cute how Leah was holding Linda in her arms while she slept. Creepy how they would come across those buses full of dead bodies. Eerie how that soldier just walked right past them, not even noticing Leah, an angel. The mere concept of The Malebolge sounds terrifying. Nice touch with: ""Aye Dios mio tan piedad," a Latina soldier said as she crossed herself." Nice how Jerome calls them his family. In many ways, they are. LOL at this: "We're a mixed lot, like one of them modern families that get into all kinds of wacky adventures."" So sad to learn that the Project Exodus has fallen through. I liked how you explained it with: "The angel bristled. "My barrier was meant to keep out the legions of Hell, but it seems the machinations of man knows no bounds and has rotted away the only safe haven from the inside."
"I figured as much," Myers said. "Ever since Project Exodus was put into play it's been mired in political red tape and propaganda. I'd trust the word of an angel of God before some viral video they cooked up.""
Good of Leah to give benediction to the soldiers. I especially liked this description: "With the low lit LED lighting mimicking candlelight, the scene before them looked like something from a dream of an ancient monk." Great character moment with: "In the chaos the past month had wrought and the stunning revelations of Heaven and Hell of the past couple of days, Jerome was ashamed to admit he had not given thought to the world's other great religions and faiths. The implications of the existence of Heaven and Hell proved disconcerting for several reasons, but he supposed that whoever was still left alive out there had bigger problems to worry about than whose God was right."
I definitely didn't expect that tentacle to come shooting up from the ground. The battle at the end was especially intense. The way you described the Malebolge was especially gruesome and creepy: "It was an avalanche of twisting, writhing flesh blacker than sin with intermittent shades of darkness flowing through its bulk like the wax of a lava lamp. Dozens of smaller appendages flailed to and fro, some of them ending in snapping stumps like the sightless visages of oversized maggots, while others ended in crude hooks as large as scythes. Jerome stared dumbfounded as more and more of the hellish creature rose from the abyss. Bulbous, reptilian eyes erupted across the creature's dark mass and stared back. A gigantic slit near its bottom opened to reveal a maw of razor sharp teeth the size of a full grown man. The misshapen maw loomed as jagged as a broken crescent, and if wasn't the damndest thing, Jerome could've sworn it was smiling. The creature was like something out of a fever dream from the deepest, darkest recesses of H.P. Lovecraft's mind. It was an affront to the possible, so grotesque and otherworldly it almost physically hurt to look at."
I'm glad that Leah got to save the day; again. She is so cool! It makes sense that she would have healing powers. I wonder will they ever make it to Jerusalem, and will the story end with Linda giving birth. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to reading more.
14MislavVery exciting and interesting chapter. I really enjoyed reading it. Cute how Leah was holding Linda in her arms while she slept. Creepy how they would come across those buses full of dead bodies. Eerie how that soldier just walked right past them, not even noticing Leah, an angel. The mere concept of The Malebolge sounds terrifying. Nice touch with: ""Aye Dios mio tan piedad," a Latina soldier said as she crossed herself." Nice how Jerome calls them his family. In many ways, they are. LOL at this: "We're a mixed lot, like one of them modern families that get into all kinds of wacky adventures."" So sad to learn that the Project Exodus has fallen through. I liked how you explained it with: "The angel bristled. "My barrier was meant to keep out the legions of Hell, but it seems the machinations of man knows no bounds and has rotted away the only safe haven from the inside."
"I figured as much," Myers said. "Ever since Project Exodus was put into play it's been mired in political red tape and propaganda. I'd trust the word of an angel of God before some viral video they cooked up.""
Good of Leah to give benediction to the soldiers. I especially liked this description: "With the low lit LED lighting mimicking candlelight, the scene before them looked like something from a dream of an ancient monk." Great character moment with: "In the chaos the past month had wrought and the stunning revelations of Heaven and Hell of the past couple of days, Jerome was ashamed to admit he had not given thought to the world's other great religions and faiths. The implications of the existence of Heaven and Hell proved disconcerting for several reasons, but he supposed that whoever was still left alive out there had bigger problems to worry about than whose God was right."
I definitely didn't expect that tentacle to come shooting up from the ground. The battle at the end was especially intense. The way you described the Malebolge was especially gruesome and creepy: "It was an avalanche of twisting, writhing flesh blacker than sin with intermittent shades of darkness flowing through its bulk like the wax of a lava lamp. Dozens of smaller appendages flailed to and fro, some of them ending in snapping stumps like the sightless visages of oversized maggots, while others ended in crude hooks as large as scythes. Jerome stared dumbfounded as more and more of the hellish creature rose from the abyss. Bulbous, reptilian eyes erupted across the creature's dark mass and stared back. A gigantic slit near its bottom opened to reveal a maw of razor sharp teeth the size of a full grown man. The misshapen maw loomed as jagged as a broken crescent, and if wasn't the damndest thing, Jerome could've sworn it was smiling. The creature was like something out of a fever dream from the deepest, darkest recesses of H.P. Lovecraft's mind. It was an affront to the possible, so grotesque and otherworldly it almost physically hurt to look at."
I'm glad that Leah got to save the day; again. She is so cool! It makes sense that she would have healing powers. I wonder will they ever make it to Jerusalem, and will the story end with Linda giving birth. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to reading more.
4/19/2021 c5 3That One Dork Stacey
This is incredibly well written! And super atmospheric! I’m so glad I decided to give FictionPress a scroll because I haven’t scrolled through in years, pretty much staying on FanFiction because I hadn’t found any super interesting new stories in a while. I really hope you’re continuing to write thing because I’m hooked! :} Can’t wait to read more. In the meantime, I’m going to check your profile for more written stories!
Can’t wait to read more from you and I hope you and your loved ones are doing well during this crazy time. :)
3That One Dork StaceyThis is incredibly well written! And super atmospheric! I’m so glad I decided to give FictionPress a scroll because I haven’t scrolled through in years, pretty much staying on FanFiction because I hadn’t found any super interesting new stories in a while. I really hope you’re continuing to write thing because I’m hooked! :} Can’t wait to read more. In the meantime, I’m going to check your profile for more written stories!
Can’t wait to read more from you and I hope you and your loved ones are doing well during this crazy time. :)
3/24/2021 c5 14Mislav
Very fun and exciting chapter. I liked getting an insight into Jerome's childhood, learning more about his backstory. I liked a bit of humor with this: "Leah assured them that she didn't need sustenance and that they should save any food for themselves, but after much prodding from Charity to try her patented chocolate covered marshmallows, she found herself instantly enamored to the sweet treat." I did wonder about that. Good touch with Charity and Tyler drawing angel wings on the bus. Pretty cute how Jerome comforted Charity when she cried about her parents. I wonder are her parents really dead, or will they be revealed to be alive eventually. All those cars abandoned in the middle of the road was very eerie. I liked how Leah provided them all with angelic weapons. This was an especially good line: "The day was warm, and errant breeze bringing the scent of spilled motor oil and death." The fight scene with the werewolves was especially thrilling, intense and well-written. Nice touch with Percy saving Jerome from inside the bus. I would like to watch a movie about these guys! I'm glad that Leah made Jerome teach them they shouldn't celebrate violence, even if they fought against the monsters and won. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to the next chapter.
14MislavVery fun and exciting chapter. I liked getting an insight into Jerome's childhood, learning more about his backstory. I liked a bit of humor with this: "Leah assured them that she didn't need sustenance and that they should save any food for themselves, but after much prodding from Charity to try her patented chocolate covered marshmallows, she found herself instantly enamored to the sweet treat." I did wonder about that. Good touch with Charity and Tyler drawing angel wings on the bus. Pretty cute how Jerome comforted Charity when she cried about her parents. I wonder are her parents really dead, or will they be revealed to be alive eventually. All those cars abandoned in the middle of the road was very eerie. I liked how Leah provided them all with angelic weapons. This was an especially good line: "The day was warm, and errant breeze bringing the scent of spilled motor oil and death." The fight scene with the werewolves was especially thrilling, intense and well-written. Nice touch with Percy saving Jerome from inside the bus. I would like to watch a movie about these guys! I'm glad that Leah made Jerome teach them they shouldn't celebrate violence, even if they fought against the monsters and won. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to the next chapter.
3/2/2021 c4 Mislav
Very intense and interesting chapter. Leah truly is beautiful, and powerful. The way you described her appearance was awesome: "There were no trumpets. No majestic female choirs or plucky harp strings. For one fleeting moment, every being in the church, whether living or dead, turned their attention upwards as the angel slowly descended amidst the bright light. Her downy wings unfurled and unleashed a dazzling wave of light from their feathered tips. The vamps simply turned to dust beneath the kaleidoscopic wave of energy, leaving six stunned survivors in its wake.
The Nos managed to avoid the blast as it barrel rolled then cut a path straight for the angel. No one spoke as the two beings collided in midair, their wings a whirlwind of ashen blackness and feathers as white as snow. They grappled for purchase, the Nos snapping with its powerful jaws as the angel deftly avoided the attacks. She held out her hand, a sword of pure light materializing in her grasp. She plunged the sword into the Nos's shoulder, sundering its wing clean off. The Nos wailed in agony as the two beings crashed to the floor. The angel stood over the fallen Nos and brought her sword down straight into the creature's heart. The Nos spasmed, went limp, then disintegrated into dust, its particulates mingling with its brethren as a chilled breeze swept through the church."
I especially liked the detail with powerful light being unleashed from tips of the feathers of Leah's wings, and the way you described her voice: "soft and melodious, like a gentle spring lapping over rocks". Lovely detail with golden breastplate armor. Nice bit of humor where Charity reacted to Jerome's outburst with "Dude, not cool". I didn't expect Leah to take up the (future) appearance of Percy's and Linda's daughter. Good touch with Linda referring to the Devil as "the ancient serpent", her words clearly full of contempt. I also liked Leah's explanation for the apocalyptic events, simple, believable and to the point: ""Hell's cup runneth over." Good quip with Charity saying: ""This is the weirdest family reunion I've ever been to"". I liked how Linda has a role to give birth to the Messiah (which also explains why Leah appeared). LOL at: "I…I can't! I'm a nail technician from New Orleans, I can't give birth to the Messiah!"" That's probably how most women these days would react IRL. Nice note about Biblical angels usually taking up a more abstract appearance. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more.
Very intense and interesting chapter. Leah truly is beautiful, and powerful. The way you described her appearance was awesome: "There were no trumpets. No majestic female choirs or plucky harp strings. For one fleeting moment, every being in the church, whether living or dead, turned their attention upwards as the angel slowly descended amidst the bright light. Her downy wings unfurled and unleashed a dazzling wave of light from their feathered tips. The vamps simply turned to dust beneath the kaleidoscopic wave of energy, leaving six stunned survivors in its wake.
The Nos managed to avoid the blast as it barrel rolled then cut a path straight for the angel. No one spoke as the two beings collided in midair, their wings a whirlwind of ashen blackness and feathers as white as snow. They grappled for purchase, the Nos snapping with its powerful jaws as the angel deftly avoided the attacks. She held out her hand, a sword of pure light materializing in her grasp. She plunged the sword into the Nos's shoulder, sundering its wing clean off. The Nos wailed in agony as the two beings crashed to the floor. The angel stood over the fallen Nos and brought her sword down straight into the creature's heart. The Nos spasmed, went limp, then disintegrated into dust, its particulates mingling with its brethren as a chilled breeze swept through the church."
I especially liked the detail with powerful light being unleashed from tips of the feathers of Leah's wings, and the way you described her voice: "soft and melodious, like a gentle spring lapping over rocks". Lovely detail with golden breastplate armor. Nice bit of humor where Charity reacted to Jerome's outburst with "Dude, not cool". I didn't expect Leah to take up the (future) appearance of Percy's and Linda's daughter. Good touch with Linda referring to the Devil as "the ancient serpent", her words clearly full of contempt. I also liked Leah's explanation for the apocalyptic events, simple, believable and to the point: ""Hell's cup runneth over." Good quip with Charity saying: ""This is the weirdest family reunion I've ever been to"". I liked how Linda has a role to give birth to the Messiah (which also explains why Leah appeared). LOL at: "I…I can't! I'm a nail technician from New Orleans, I can't give birth to the Messiah!"" That's probably how most women these days would react IRL. Nice note about Biblical angels usually taking up a more abstract appearance. Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more.
2/8/2021 c3 Mislav
This was a very intense and exciting chapter. Of course all the world's elites would easily find a way to the safe haven. Even if Tyler could fly a plane, I wonder would they be able to get enough fuel. Good detail with Charity using Siri. Some things never change. Nice addition with Tyler's sister showing up as a vampire. Her transformation was truly gruesome. Nice detail with vampires being able to transform into bats. I appreciated the Nosterafu callback. I liked how Jerome finally showed some resolve and stood his ground. I loved humorous moments such as: "Charity let out a short whistle. "Look at those views, Blew Baby Shark Dance outta the water."" And ""Uh, should we ask who is it?" Charity whispered." And how Charity used her water trick on Teagan. I'm glad that she also got to impale one of the vampires on a stake. I especially liked the way you intercut Linda praying with battle scenes. And finally, an angel appears! Keep up the great work. I'm really looking forward to reading more.
This was a very intense and exciting chapter. Of course all the world's elites would easily find a way to the safe haven. Even if Tyler could fly a plane, I wonder would they be able to get enough fuel. Good detail with Charity using Siri. Some things never change. Nice addition with Tyler's sister showing up as a vampire. Her transformation was truly gruesome. Nice detail with vampires being able to transform into bats. I appreciated the Nosterafu callback. I liked how Jerome finally showed some resolve and stood his ground. I loved humorous moments such as: "Charity let out a short whistle. "Look at those views, Blew Baby Shark Dance outta the water."" And ""Uh, should we ask who is it?" Charity whispered." And how Charity used her water trick on Teagan. I'm glad that she also got to impale one of the vampires on a stake. I especially liked the way you intercut Linda praying with battle scenes. And finally, an angel appears! Keep up the great work. I'm really looking forward to reading more.
1/18/2021 c2 Mislav
Very fun and action-packed chapter. The chase scene was very intense and suspenseful. Great flow and attention to details. Those vampires sure are disgusting, and monstrous. I wonder was there something special in that shotgun, it being used to kill vampires and all. The part where Charity threw Molotov cocktail on them was very cool. Eerie how some of them continued charging at people even after being set on fire. Nice touch with the characters joking about pudding; pointing out their lacking food supplies. Good to learn more about Charity's background. I like her banter with Jerome. I liked how there was an explanation for Tyler and his family being out late at night, that will tie into the story's further development. I wonder what the video contained. Good touch with the Biblical name: project Exodus. My favorite part was: "A girl lay sprawled in the dirt, her blouse and skirt covered in blood. She looked to be in her late teens, wisps of auburn hair clung to her face as some…thing feasted upon her neck. It had its back to Jerome, a naked and shriven creature about four feet tall, its sandpaper colored flesh stretched tight over sinewy bones and muscles. Jerome flashed his light at the back of the creature's bald head, and immediately regretted it as the beam illuminated the poor girl's lifeless eyes, her mouth open in a tiny 'o' of surprise as if she couldn't believe it ended this way.
And drew the creature's attention.
The bloodsucker tore itself from the girl's neck and faced Jerome, its fanged mouth stained crimson and shriven, raisin like eyes radiating hate. The vampire scrambled with an almost arachnid grace from its meal and thrashed up the ditch, its clawed hand nearly snagging Jerome's foot as he stumbled back. These vamps didn't sparkle, nor did they possess the aristocratic charm of the Bram Stoker variety. They were hideous, malformed little shits, easy enough to handle one on one, but if they attack en masse…
Jerome raised the shotgun as the creature pounced, the light momentarily illuminating its snarling and blood soaked visage before he pulled the trigger. The shotgun's report was deafening and the kick was even worse as it sent Jerome reeling onto his ass. The vamp was all but eviscerated in midair, buckshot shredding its body into a confusion of red mist, chunks of flesh and bone."
Very intense and vivid. I also really liked this description: "his words came out in a tide of desperation, as if he knew the truth but couldn't bear to accept it." Keep up the great. I can't wait to read more.
Very fun and action-packed chapter. The chase scene was very intense and suspenseful. Great flow and attention to details. Those vampires sure are disgusting, and monstrous. I wonder was there something special in that shotgun, it being used to kill vampires and all. The part where Charity threw Molotov cocktail on them was very cool. Eerie how some of them continued charging at people even after being set on fire. Nice touch with the characters joking about pudding; pointing out their lacking food supplies. Good to learn more about Charity's background. I like her banter with Jerome. I liked how there was an explanation for Tyler and his family being out late at night, that will tie into the story's further development. I wonder what the video contained. Good touch with the Biblical name: project Exodus. My favorite part was: "A girl lay sprawled in the dirt, her blouse and skirt covered in blood. She looked to be in her late teens, wisps of auburn hair clung to her face as some…thing feasted upon her neck. It had its back to Jerome, a naked and shriven creature about four feet tall, its sandpaper colored flesh stretched tight over sinewy bones and muscles. Jerome flashed his light at the back of the creature's bald head, and immediately regretted it as the beam illuminated the poor girl's lifeless eyes, her mouth open in a tiny 'o' of surprise as if she couldn't believe it ended this way.
And drew the creature's attention.
The bloodsucker tore itself from the girl's neck and faced Jerome, its fanged mouth stained crimson and shriven, raisin like eyes radiating hate. The vampire scrambled with an almost arachnid grace from its meal and thrashed up the ditch, its clawed hand nearly snagging Jerome's foot as he stumbled back. These vamps didn't sparkle, nor did they possess the aristocratic charm of the Bram Stoker variety. They were hideous, malformed little shits, easy enough to handle one on one, but if they attack en masse…
Jerome raised the shotgun as the creature pounced, the light momentarily illuminating its snarling and blood soaked visage before he pulled the trigger. The shotgun's report was deafening and the kick was even worse as it sent Jerome reeling onto his ass. The vamp was all but eviscerated in midair, buckshot shredding its body into a confusion of red mist, chunks of flesh and bone."
Very intense and vivid. I also really liked this description: "his words came out in a tide of desperation, as if he knew the truth but couldn't bear to accept it." Keep up the great. I can't wait to read more.
12/28/2020 c1 Mislav
This was such a great opening. Thank you so much for taking up this story, I really appreciate it. You established the characters and the setting very well. I'm glad you included the Lovecraftian monsters too. I really liked the sad detail with canned goods and first aid supplies being piled up in the choir section. Interesting how Jerome, the priest, is the one still trying to come up with a (kind of) rational explanation for the whole thing, while Bernard is the one trying to come up with a convincing (albeit supernatural) explanation. Good irony. Sometimes, priests are the one who experience the worst crisis of faith. But he is still trying. His online sermon at the beginning was very well written and inspired; but, in times like that, very few things can give people hope. I wonder is Bernard's theory about the Indian burial ground true. I liked how you explained his background, intercut with his conversation with Jerome. Great characterization here: "It felt good to banter, to take their minds from their increasingly dire predicament, even if it meant dredging up past grievances. As selfish as it sounded, when the creatures first appeared Jerome wanted nothing more than to feel vindicated by their otherworldly presence, that there was truly something more to life than hollow words and blind servitude."
And great job with small bits of dark, dry humor such as: ""We have to see if they need help!" Linda Lafleur said. Jerome gave her a sideways glance, partly because she used the word 'we' despite being five foot tall and so far into pregnancy she looked like she was smuggling a basketball beneath her shirt, and also because he wasn't so sure that was a good idea."
And
""You ever use one of these before?" Bernard asked Percy as he handed him a pistol.
"I used to hunt gators in the bayou with my da-"
"Good enough," Jerome said as he stuffed shotgun shells into his pockets and headed for the front door."
The build up to them opening the door was very intense and suspenseful. The last line was spot-on: "He edged the door open and they slipped out into the cool night." Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more. I hope to learn more about all the horrible things happening in the city now, and about other characters working with Jerome and Bernard. Thank you so much for writing this!
This was such a great opening. Thank you so much for taking up this story, I really appreciate it. You established the characters and the setting very well. I'm glad you included the Lovecraftian monsters too. I really liked the sad detail with canned goods and first aid supplies being piled up in the choir section. Interesting how Jerome, the priest, is the one still trying to come up with a (kind of) rational explanation for the whole thing, while Bernard is the one trying to come up with a convincing (albeit supernatural) explanation. Good irony. Sometimes, priests are the one who experience the worst crisis of faith. But he is still trying. His online sermon at the beginning was very well written and inspired; but, in times like that, very few things can give people hope. I wonder is Bernard's theory about the Indian burial ground true. I liked how you explained his background, intercut with his conversation with Jerome. Great characterization here: "It felt good to banter, to take their minds from their increasingly dire predicament, even if it meant dredging up past grievances. As selfish as it sounded, when the creatures first appeared Jerome wanted nothing more than to feel vindicated by their otherworldly presence, that there was truly something more to life than hollow words and blind servitude."
And great job with small bits of dark, dry humor such as: ""We have to see if they need help!" Linda Lafleur said. Jerome gave her a sideways glance, partly because she used the word 'we' despite being five foot tall and so far into pregnancy she looked like she was smuggling a basketball beneath her shirt, and also because he wasn't so sure that was a good idea."
And
""You ever use one of these before?" Bernard asked Percy as he handed him a pistol.
"I used to hunt gators in the bayou with my da-"
"Good enough," Jerome said as he stuffed shotgun shells into his pockets and headed for the front door."
The build up to them opening the door was very intense and suspenseful. The last line was spot-on: "He edged the door open and they slipped out into the cool night." Keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more. I hope to learn more about all the horrible things happening in the city now, and about other characters working with Jerome and Bernard. Thank you so much for writing this!