for I Surrender4/22/2021 c1 LDF
[Wes POV:]
Try not to label POVs. Characters should be distinct enough in the narration for the reader to tell them apart.
[People were the same: they spent all day on their phones, worked their asses off in College only to work 9 to 5 in order to hate their lives more, and they paid no attention to how kids treated their bodies. Vaping: the idiot juice was accidentally made toxic in one batch and a teenager spread it. No one knew what to call the disease but it produced what everyone thought was a fantasy: zombies.]
Also try to avoid generalizations, otherwise your character sounds like someone who'd whine about how society is shit and how things were good 'back in my day'.
Why bother trying to come up with an explanation as to how zombies happened when the explanation is really vague and useless? It's basically 'somehow this happened, then this happened, which somehow did this'. Just don't have an explanation instead.
[Wes POV:]
Try not to label POVs. Characters should be distinct enough in the narration for the reader to tell them apart.
[People were the same: they spent all day on their phones, worked their asses off in College only to work 9 to 5 in order to hate their lives more, and they paid no attention to how kids treated their bodies. Vaping: the idiot juice was accidentally made toxic in one batch and a teenager spread it. No one knew what to call the disease but it produced what everyone thought was a fantasy: zombies.]
Also try to avoid generalizations, otherwise your character sounds like someone who'd whine about how society is shit and how things were good 'back in my day'.
Why bother trying to come up with an explanation as to how zombies happened when the explanation is really vague and useless? It's basically 'somehow this happened, then this happened, which somehow did this'. Just don't have an explanation instead.