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10/17/2021 c17 aviick
I can appreciate the sentiment here and as noted before would like to see you continue telling this story. Your reference to The Prince of Egypt was also very spot on here. Very cool!
10/17/2021 c16 aviick
What a twist... I hope you will return to writing this story sooner than later as there seems to be many directions you could potentially take the storyline. As noted earlier, I like when you describe the setting (let your imagination run wild), so I would like to know more of how you envision this scene or the next few chapters at least.
10/17/2021 c15 aviick
Desire vs actions is a frequent concept we all have to contend with. What we want and how we get to those things come down to what choices we make. When there is time, we can make choices based on options that present, but when there is little time, we have to sometimes quickly make a choice and act. Muddy appears to have some time left. And now on to the oasis!
10/17/2021 c14 aviick
LOL.. that explains a lot! Kidding! I liked the pace of the particular chapter as it feeds the imagination on not just Muddy's experience as she explores but also provides more detail as to her environment. The fact that Muddy can listen in to a story being told is a very endearing moment, as it is a bit of normalcy and harkens to warmth in the midst of 'what next'. Nice!
9/24/2021 c13 aviick
Aha, Behemoth is an insightful character, one whom we hope to see again or perhaps the warning is enough to carry the memory through. The chapters are well rounded and offer a bit more of the complexities Muddy will have to face.
9/24/2021 c12 aviick
This was a good introduction of a character (whether in it as a sidekick or just in passing). There is something about characters meeting and experiencing a curiosity about the other that is somehow appeasing, especially when a story can be rather adventurous. Many travelers rely on the kindness of strangers, even now, so I guess it goes to an almost lore-like expectation but its also rather natural.
9/24/2021 c11 aviick
Hmmmm, what adventure awaits Muddy next to the Oasis? I' curious to know what drives this character to undertake the journey (although you did clearly spell out the conditions earlier). But what are the driving forces here? It might be nice to see a reminder/reference here and there to build the plot up more. But, I do like this story as it makes sense to me.
9/24/2021 c10 aviick
What an interesting reference in your end comments. About the content itself, I like that you got to the travel segment quickly but it feels like there should be a chapter before (or perhaps you plan for a flashback) to highlight what happens between the time she is offered comforting snacks/foods to the willingness of her travels. This is off to a good start though!
9/24/2021 c9 aviick
Fascinating how quickly the scientists were able to gain Muddy's trust by repeating reassurances that they meant no harm. But this may speak to a character's coping skills when faced with a true dilemma. When there are limited options, a choice becomes fairly "easy" for most. Courage or bravado can rise quickly.
9/24/2021 c8 aviick
Again, short but functional chapter. It serves a good set-up to what may occur next and gives some insight into the Scientists and perhaps some of their POV/opinions.
9/24/2021 c7 aviick
Nice! It makes it's point and in an amusing way.
9/19/2021 c6 aviick
LOL.. Mike drop moment. I liked the way this chapter unfolded. A story within a story but also a reminder of where Muddy and her family/other characters are at present. I'm sure we will learn more of the aftermath of the blue diamond being taken while the King is left in that state. Will that be substantial? It provides many directions for possible future chapters.
9/19/2021 c5 aviick
Yes, it does feel a bit more energized in a way, as should a discovery chapter. I like this early set up as it is not overly obvious but the reader can 'see' it when invested in the line. I'm curious to see how you bridge science to this work in future chapters.
9/19/2021 c4 aviick
I like that you continue to provide a different POV for Mizzer and the arrival of the Wranglers. I can imagine that being lassoed would cause lots of abrasions and tears for such tender creatures. Makes this particular version resonate a bit more.
9/19/2021 c3 aviick
A little history there for sure. I like the way you described the idea of being deep and how it can be misread as someone a bunch of words jumbled together. Reader interpretation/mood and intent can be vastly different. And I appreciate you adding the line in there about remaining silent in place of removing all doubt. Sometimes it can be tightrope.
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