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1/8 c8 6Darth Zannacross
As we have Fortress related drama today...as we see just how messy a after math is produced after her dive to the past. Seeing the difference in time between the two realms is neat, shows the advantages and disadvantages.

Well, mostly rebuilding from the previous aftermath but, lets see how much rebuilding is going to be required after the dragon trio unleash there wrath.
12/28/2021 c7 Darth Zannacross
Well the village relocation seems to be going well enough without any calamity unfolding...so far at least.

Well, Viktor sure ruined that good mood, what a kill joy. Well...did more then kill joy but Rosa as well...and now that messes up time as well? This...this could get even more messy...oh dear.
12/27/2021 c3 noenoway
Dear author. I really like with your work. I feel interested with your story and I want to keep in touch with you because I want to give you something related to your work. Perhaps we can talk better via mail. Thanks
12/12/2021 c6 Darth Zannacross
For a moment Seadawn looked like another foe to dispatch but after another round of" Aggressive Negotiations" we seem to get a new ally, after seeing Karmin's backstory sounds like hopefully it will lead to a better path for both the ladies here.
11/29/2021 c5 Darth Zannacross
Thankfully the Carnage symbiote did not show up, we got enough stuff to worry about today to say the very least.

Are royal lead is seeing which of her servants are having the most helpful advice, and I guess she's been busier then she realized with all these skills already unlocked.

Well, Skyblade is pleased but otherwise its getting rather messy...at least she's aware she's gone a dark path unlike say, Daenerys( Kicks the final season of Games of Thrones in the crotch for good measure.)

Well, something tells me its not going to be as easy as it was with Zinnkrone so she better brace herself.
11/15/2021 c10 42D. M. Robb
Interesting that Adette was able to see a vision of her "future self." That certainly gives off an eerie vibe, especially since Gisela and Rosa were unable to see it.

I love your descriptions of the dragons and feel bad for Mellowfern. That Viscount really is heartless!

It looks like Skyblade and Stihila are trapped in a difficult situation, to put it mildly. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next. Keep up the good work! :o)
11/14/2021 c4 6Darth Zannacross
Despite the set backs from last time are " Avenger" seems to be getting the plan on track with a cool dragon on there team, Skyblade should be fun, hopefully he will be proven wrong about the team lol.
10/31/2021 c3 Darth Zannacross
This party of revenge is getting bigger, but she's going to need it depending on how bad things go with Gisela.
10/29/2021 c1 30Starart152
This is a nice chapter to introduce many characters and a little bit of who they are. There is a little bit of confusion in some of the events as it went quickly from her death to having many ex-slaves vowing to follow her. Especially what happened between her death and her revival that lacked a little bit of detail.

Except for that, it was a good chapter.
10/29/2021 c2 6Darth Zannacross
Tensions quickly boil over today it seems as we see the depths of the roots of betrayal and what not.

We see how this twisted world was shaped, and guess we will see if Mister Grot will help or hinder her quest for revenge.
10/28/2021 c1 Darth Zannacross
Hey again, figured I'd check out this story as well, felt like a good way to celebrate Halloween and all.

Well, extinction is not quite a cheerful way to start off a adventure but it does set the stage quite well. Adette is not having the best day so I can understand why she's not in the best of moods...I wonder if she's going to go on a worst rampage then Velvet in Tales of Beseria did but, we will see soon.

Either way looks like Adette is going to have to figure out just what her rage will amount to and all.
9/16/2021 c9 42D. M. Robb
Rosa appears to have special insight since she was able to perceive Adette’s “future life” as the beautiful demoness when they are both still human. And Adette is right. She is adorable! Her alter-ego Renna proves to be just as loyal.

I love the names and descriptions of the seemingly enemy dragons they initially battle with. I also like how Skyblade continues to look on the bright side of things. “I was in need of a molt anyway” is a great line.

Keep writing! :o)
8/21/2021 c1 7taerkitty
I'm going to review this as I read, leaving misconceptions in both to keep me humble, and to help see where _one_ reader may have misread your intent.

# Chapter Opening

I'm going to stop at "First and foremost, why wasn't I dead?" and treat everything up to here as the chapter's opening. The opening has a few goals, and it does most of them acceptably.

## Setting(s)
It provides the the locations both before dying and after. We have a brief description of the mansion, which is sufficient because the protag dies immediately. The castle debris is well-described, especially using other senses in the darkness. I would suggest that the new location be in a new paragraph to tell the reader of the change in focus.

We don't get a sense of the date for her murder (aside from shortly after her wedding,) but it's not important because, again, she dies right here.

## Characters

We have a good sense for the protag. "Prayer to Lycindia" tells me this isn't a modern-day, first-world person about to be transported. She's vibrant and sharp-tongued. She's also not a saint, contemplating specific torture.

## Hook

Most importantly, the opening has to tease the reader to continue. Usually, it's either a question or a promise. Here, it could either be the implied promise of her getting revenge on her husband (and assassin maid), OR it could be answering "How am I alive? And why?"

Speaking only for myself, having found your page out of our shared love(?) for isekai, I'm worried that neither will be fulfilled. Usually, the protag is in another world, especially isekai-by-death, as opposed to gamer-isekai or summoned-isekai, so I expect revenge on the husband is unlikely. Equally unfortunately, most isekai tend to give perfunctory, unsatisfying answers to the above question.

That said, I'm hooked simply _because_ this is isekai.

Note: this is only my thoughts on this as the _chapter's_ opening. This whole chapter is the _story's_ opening, which I'll type up later.

# Random Notes as I Read

- "Who the hell was I anyway?" seems out-of-character. Yes, she was supposed to be dead, but she's still alive, somehow. Aside from her voice, she would still think she is herself. "How the hell did I do that?" seems more fitting.

The voice change I handwaved away as "she got her voicebox cut." Not everything gets repaired 100%.

Thinking back on it, maybe she should have expressed surprised she could still see out of her 'bad' eye? Nah. I didn't think of it until now, so her surprise at being able to light up the room probably caused her to overlook that part. Moving on.

- Bat wings. Cool! Angel wings are more common, but birds aren't mammals. Bat wings make more sense, as if that mattered.

- Two moons. I would move the "my home world had only a single moon" immediately after stating the dual moons. Again, in-character, I'd be more struck by fact I see two moons than I would be inclined to describe them as my first reaction.

Also, should it be "my home **world** had only a single moon?"

- Day-um. When she screams, _everybody_ around her screams! In terror, anyhow. I like how she **reacts** to her situation instead of just takes inventory like a Vulcan.

- I like the self-description; it's much better than the "I look at my reflection" cliché. I also like that she's _below_ average.

- "I would never trust _anyone_ ever again." Cool! Reminds me of _Shield Hero_. I like seeing a protag that isn't the usual kumbayah, let's-all-get-along type, but only if that's for a good reason. (Kirito, I'm looking at you.)

- Young man, but with shaggy full beard took me out of the story's flow. Seems like a contradiction, but hey, it's your story. Give me a sec and I'll run with it in my head.

- "Dämonenlands" - cool! Love the name (and the unexpected use of umlauts!)

- "You won't be the first to try to kill me!" Or even the first to _succeed_. :D

- Would have expected her to react (incorrectly) to Kastanbruna throwing the axe in her general direction. Also, wow! Dude can quick-draw that hatchet!

- "Much to my surprise, a faintly golden barrier / I dropped the barrier." She's either an unbelievably (and I use this in the not-so-good way) adept magical prodigy, or this feels out-of-character for someone who didn't know she could do this.

- "Arrow struck my shoulder." Nuts. It's not auto-activate. Might be interesting to see her try to figure out how it activated the first time to her surprise. But later. Right now, upbraiding herself feels perfectly in-character.

- "Then I saw the wolfkin dash across the field" might be the start of a new paragraph; we're changing our focus from the protag and her magic to Kastan making chow out of the evil archer.

This is just me, but I felt it was odd that the protag called the archer "evil." I mean, yes, ambushing someone is evil, and anyone trying to kill me is definitely **not** good, but I feel strange just assuming someone is evil. Again, just me.

- "I had just killed." YES! So many people seem to not care about that. If I had to say _one_ thing good about SAO, it's that Kirito actually thought about the fact that he was KILLING someone for real. At least at first, anyhow.

- Metaphorical copper styca. Off to Bing I go! Oh, Viking coin. Okay, gives me an idea of the era. Unsure about her ex-husband's home décor, then.

- "Lady Stihila will do." Yes, Lady Fire Breathing STORM DEMON will most certainly do! Love it.

- "I followed him down a multiple story descent." Not a nit, but am curious how small her wings fold up. That's another advantage of bat-wings: take up less space than feathery ones.

- "Slave labor being worked to death" - feels like a cognitive leap that isn't fully filled-in. Cages for slaves, yes. (And, by the way, yes, that archer was extremely evil.) Unsure how the protag jumps from there to be worked to death (as opposed to, say, being kept for food, bled for vampires, etc.)

- "Striking the target, the roof of the cage behind him, and the stalagmite behind that." Yep. Always be sure of what's _behind_ your target.

- "Ran for their lives down a disused mineshaft." Suggest changing this to "_started_ to run" because Kastan catches one of them while still in the protag's line-of-sight. As it stands, mentally, I saw them run down the shaft, Kastan vanish after them, then imagine hearing someone's screams and snapping bones. However, I couldn't see in my mental play-by-play how the protag could know the other one got away. By having them start to run, the scene now plays as Kastan catching up with them before the entrance to the shaft, etc.

- I'm really, really hoping this is one of those "multiple isekai" stories where we find out Gisela is also here because Adette _really_ misses her.

- "Neatly braided flaxen hair." Might be a chance to have her think, "Whoa, how long was I out?" because they are no longer disheveled.

- "I could never be worthy of being admired." This might be an opportunity to show more of her personality / ethics. She was okay with torturing her (very deserving) ex-husband, but not okay with reflexively killing someone. She loathed ambush attackers, but was willing to go ends-justify-the-means and go God Mode on the slavers. She's a complex character, so I'd love to see just exactly _why_ she feels she's not praise-worthy, in _her_ words.

- Ah, the "How long was I out?" question. Yeah, it makes more sense here because she was still woozy when she first woke up. That said, maybe Cielo's description fits here better; usually, dazed people don't note such exact details about others' appearances.

- "Blaka's ministerial duties" should that be Blanka? Oh, and I just got it! Blanka because she's an albino. Color me dense...

- "Why had they saved the life of a demon?" I'd imagine a demon would hunt their miserable hindquarters down for not showing proper gratitude after saving them, myself. :D

Also, I missed where reached her final form as Yes-I-am-an-expletive-Demon. She was Adette, plain, portly, and unlucky at love. Then she was female with deeper voice and bat wings. In the Demon world. With demon powers. Yeah, color me denser.

Still, that might be another character moment for her to embrace her outer demon. Will she go, "No, I'm not. I know I look like one, but I'm still me!" or will she go, "When in the Demon plane, go Demon or go dead." Or something in-between. First person stories are about personality, perspective, and something-else-that-begins-with-p.

- "Don't what?" And we cut here as Cielo drops a road apple...

- "Standing watch." That reminds me, weren't there two tunnels that were lit?

- "Convert iron cage bars and cloth into ad-hoc beds." Starting with... how to take apart a cage, something that's built specifically to be hard to take apart.

- Cool! Lizard-folk!

- "Why by the Infernal gods are you still here?" Seems a little late to ask that. Suggest she do it earlier, probably right around "I could never be worth of being admired."

Also, watch the lizard man jump out of his skin. Literally. Like, he just molted.

- "After our captors were put to the sword." Hopefully slowly. Sorry, that's just me again.

- "You had no right." Probably should be an exclamation point here if the dialog tag is "yelled." You'll have to reverse the sentence order to make that work.

My eyes watered in helpless fury. I yelled, "You had no right!" Everyone stopped dead and stared at us.

Oh, and "stopped dead" might be "_dropped_ dead." Like, from fright. Kidding.

I'll stop with the jokes, but I'm amusing myself imagining these poor traumatized survivors jumping, freezing, or soiling themselves every time Her Demoness, Bringer of Darkness, Death, and Pain so much as coughs. Yeah, I'm a sick kitty.

- "My life is yours." Well, now we know who said, "Of course she is, you idiot!" :D She was just coming out of her fever, so it made sense there were no identities associated with the initial dialog; her mind is still mush, her hearing is probably not much better, and she didn't know any of the speakers anyhow. It's just cool to figure out now that "Do you think Lady Stihila is of noble blood?" and "She's so pretty," is probably Orasuna. "Don't wake her up," is of course Cielo, and now we know the last one.

Hey, when I said random thoughts, I mean _random_.

# Chapter Closing

The closing has a single goal - make the reader want more. Me, I was hooked from the word "isekai." What do you mean, it's not in the story?

# Story Opening

We have a strong grasp of the setting. There are demi-humans, demons, magic, slavers, and "found family." It's the Dämonenlands (love that name), and the protagonist is somehow familiar with its peoples and history.

The main party has a good composition. The protag is the DPS. Kasten is the ninja/thief. Eide is the brain. Cielo is the heart. Orasuna is the mascot. "Nakama" is a Japanese word that is similar to "band of brothers," but in the original context: "We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; / For he today that sheds his blood with me, / Shall be my brother." We have our Nakama here: people from different walks joined by trial, loyal to the end. (The YouTube video "Western vs Easter Storytelling - What's the Difference" goes into detail about this.)

Adette herself is a bit self-contradictory. That's natural. People are paradoxical. She's far better this way than simply a flat killing machine. I would have liked to have seen a little bit more exploration into these nuances, but leaving them open means giving us more to anticipate.

The essential hook: promise or question? The rising action, climax, and resolution are all neatly packaged 1-2-3. "Why where these stubborn blockheads sticking by a cursed soul?" is largely rhetorical - they're doing it out of loyalty and admiration, even if she doesn't think she's worthy of admiration.

There might be a how / why she is the spitting image of Queen Dambalia, but Eide explicitly says he's _not_ going to ask, so it's not a "hook question."

Instead, by ending it with tears and that self-loathing question, we have the implied promise of more self-exploration. And, with her urgency to get the flock out of there, more world exploration. Some long-form stories promise "I will have my vengeance." Others _start_ at the end, so the reader knows everything leads up to that.

This one promises, "If you liked this one, keep reading for more." It's not a strong "hook promise," but it works for me.
8/15/2021 c8 42D. M. Robb
I am continuing to enjoy your story and the juxtaposition between the characters’ separate lives on two different worlds. I also find it intriguing that, after Adette and her friends died in their world, they took over the magical bodies of creatures in the Damonenlands. It does make me wonder what happened to the souls of the original Stihila, Cielo, and Renna. I like how the leadership skills Adette acquired in her previous life have been transferred to this one and that she has the potential to improve lives in the Damonenlands despite the difficulties.

I am also continuing to enjoy your worldbuilding and inventive words. I’m assuming “jaro” means “year” and “wochen” is week. One minor nitpick: Blanka Cielo (which is her full name): it seems to change from Blanka to Cielo every other sentence, which is a bit jarring. I’d suggest sticking to one name for her to avoid confusion.

Another excellent chapter overall! Keep up the good work. :o)
8/9/2021 c7 D. M. Robb
Excellent chapter! It’s nice to come across another character from Adette’s past that she also knows in a different incarnation in the other world. Her relationship with young Rosa is sweet and heartwarming. It looks like the wingless stuffed dragon she carries represents Skyblade.

I also loved the banter between Stihila, Seadawn, and Skyblade.
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