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for Mothership

8/13/2021 c1 9taerkitty
I’m imagining some sonorous voice intoning these words as the camera shows the Mothership, then humans, then the stars.

A few observations from that perspective.

The language should be more varied. Having two sentences back-to-back starting with “It verb” is jarring.

“Cosmological event horizon” needs elaboration or definition.

How a galaxy flees over the event horizon is difficult to believe, so it doesn’t suit this context.

“It left a trail of radio beacons” – missing word, “of.”

I believe using “was” instead of “is” in this sentence is correct: “The galaxy it came from, the Milky Way, was far behind us in time and space.”

Suggest breaking that paragraph between the discussion about the Milky Way and attempts to find it as one paragraph, and the exposition about creches as another.

As a stand-alone work, it succeeds. I’m left with a sense of introspection and wonder, ignoring the above comments. I feel grateful to the craft, a wish to know more about the people who created it, and a hope for the next worlds it seeds.

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