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for Divided Love BoyxBoy

10/4/2021 c3 thereceiv3r
Do you mean " i quickly plead innonence"? Because there's no such thing as "pried innocence" - pried means to look into someone's private life.

Spear mentioned that it's hard to trust someone in this world so it's kinda suspicious why MC was so easily brought for a ride and invited into his base... Should show some hostility or reasoning for this, unless you're getting to that next chapter.

Well, in this chapter, you have more descriptions of the setting. But still feels a bit mechanical. You're focusing more on 'the appearance' of the characters and things, rather than the dimensions and emotional sides. These are especially vital when trying to build a romance story in a fantasy setting.

As I said, I'm just a stranger so don't feel the need to make changes. The important thing is to keep writing what you love and don't be bogged down by too many ideas or nosy readers like me. Good luck with this story!

Btw, What boyxboy stories do you usually read or like to read?
10/4/2021 c2 thereceiv3r
Just a ship passing through. I read the summary and like the premise of your story. Here's a few recommendations but you're not obligated to follow them, afterall I'm but a stranger in the screen...

Spelling/grammar mistakes:
"such an idol" - not idle
"...lives of innocents" - not innocence
"...using the fear of dragons" - not intimidation (you're meaning they were trying to control the people by scaring the dragons)

Apostrophes before or after s for example "people's lives"

Instead of "...targeted me", i think "resonated with me" sounds better because targeted is like a personal attack and i feel like you're trying to convey positively, right?

What do you mean by "worthless advisory"? I think you need to look up what some words mean before you use them or they will send a totally different idea (or even a blank) to the reader.

"...why this hallway seemingly had no end" - instead of "wasn't seeming to end" (which sounds kinda unnatural)

Throughout this chapter, I noticed that you 'told' a lot of what's happening and how the MC is feeling. If you could use a bit of descriptive writing, then the MC's feelings would be more pronounced to the readers. For example:
"Flashes of thunder roared through the darkness outside, an antithesis of the perfect skies just moments ago. The hallway quaked under its lashes and I felt every decision I have made so far shoved back into my bones as I finally reached its end."

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