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6/24 c19 aviick
That was one way to introduce the Princess! Sometimes desires have to be put aside due to factors that exist or future plans. Hmm, lets see where this goes.
6/17 c18 Aviick
And yes! A great way to add a bit of a breadcrumb to the story and intrigue the reader more! The message is a clue to what may be ahead and suggests a dark twist for your characters. Again, keeps the reader interested.
6/17 c17 Aviick
Again, you took it in a different direction than what or where I presumed you might head. And in your style you introduce anew character to the story as well as a new scenario.
6/17 c16 Aviick
Again, it’s different where you seem to be heading with this story and the relationship between Johan and Snow. The observation added about the children towards the end sort of helps “normalize” the subtext which is good. Still curious to see where you end up taking us with this one.
6/17 c15 Aviick
Strange things indeed. This chapter was unexpected in certain ways so I’m curious to see where these characters end up! Or how they end up!
6/5 c14 aviick
It is an arrangement that will take time and be gradual. I appreciate the almost kinship element being suggested and that you took the time to give voice to other characters in this chapter.
6/5 c13 aviick
Trauma can have such an impact. Snow's deliberate statement about not caring if she went home in order to save, as she might have been saved, says more about her character than the trauma (hopefully). I will be interested in knowing what happens next!
6/5 c12 aviick
That was a quick turning of events. I think you used a "classic" technique to establish a need for Snow to build trust and to question her assumptions about Johan; however, I hope she will continue to be just as independent and self-aware as she discovers more.
6/5 c11 aviick
I really do appreciate these chapters, as not only are you taking a different approach to your storytelling but it leads me to wonder if there is a strong possibility of syncretism here.
6/5 c10 aviick
There is this element here of what I talk with some people about, such as being an ambassador for your culture/identity/race/etc. I like that Johan is being encouraged to continue the talks with Snow, as this leads to greater exchange on both sides.
6/5 c9 aviick
It's a very lively dynamic between Johan and Snow. I found the debate to be entertaining today.
5/27 c8 aviick
Interesting take on the Chinese Zodiac and a really dense chapter, filled with possible elements that will influence this story as you continue to develop it. It is also a chapter that sets a bit of a moral and/or ethical aspect about what may be good or what may be bad. I hope that you will continue to explore that!
5/27 c7 aviick
yes, a key question to ask is what was Johan's intention? And does this possibly make others question his ability to remain as the tribe's greatest hunter? Of course, it appears that Methuselah has great knowledge and would not become angry as there is some insight perhaps.
5/27 c6 aviick
Like a plate of aged sushi... LOL!

I like how you sometimes write about intention taking a different course, as that can be an opportunity to learn. Here, Johan tries to show Snow a part of his story/history and ends up serving up information that may not reflect him/his intentions. Room for error/conflict that can be further explored as the story continues.
5/27 c5 aviick
Again, I like the notes where you identify references that may be familiar. I also appreciate that you start the chapter by suggesting the relationship begins to form (or is better differentiated) as the story begins to really develop them as individuals as well as how they will interact.
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